First date

[deezire1900]

On what date do you let someone know you are submissive...

I know it is early with only one date, but there is this energy and attraction between us that is over the top. I want to know if he would be into letting me be submissive. Why would I try with him, if he is not into what I like?

He is so strong and powerful. If he is game, he will be good at it.

Deezire

 

[ammre]

Go up to him, kneel, kiss his crotch, and beg him to spank you.

that might let him know... unless he's really oblivious...


(sorry i'm in a quixotic mood.. i'll try to post something helpful later ;\)

 

[lark sparrow]

Before the first date, for me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Before the first date, for me.

most definately 'ditto'

C

 

[Desdemona]

I'm in with the rest of the group. I'd tell before the first date. In fact, I wouldn't have dated someone who wasn't dominant.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

tell him before. that way you can get a feel for how he reacts to you telling him what you are into.

 

[bunny bondage]

yeah, let him know right away. as Eb says, there's really no such thing as a truly vanilla man!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm in with the rest of the group. I'd tell before the first date. In fact, I wouldn't have dated someone who wasn't dominant.

So true....gave that up years ago and went in search of what I wanted despitte the majority claiming it could be done the other way around. I like to like a person for who they are, not who I think I could make them become.

C

 

[Etoile]

When you're talking about sex seems like as good a time as any. If you haven't yet, then wait till then. If you have, bring it up the next time you do.

 

[Richard49]

Define a date

I am serious

 

[SexyChele]

Define a date

I am serious

Thanks, Richard. You were reading my mind on this one!

 

[deezire1900]

poem in reference:

Our first date

Pick me up at one I said with the confidence of a woman scorned.
On time with that smile and those eyes that caught my soul off guard. See, I noticed your eyes our first meeting in that ridged place I call my daily life.
Your words are so smooth and full of passion. I need you to speak my name.
The edge of the cliff was beautiful. You know I have pain, so you ask to talk. I held some back, but I want to scream out the words that eat away at my soul. I don’t want to blow our candle out before I have a chance to be licked by the flame.
I wanted to tell you the pain I have inside from the breakup.

When you drove me home I had the plan to ask you in, so I did. Your throat was tight, and you were such a gentleman to come in for a drink.
The view is spectacular from my bedroom I whispered. Your beautiful eyes sparkled at the words.

As we sit at my window and stare at the city lights, your hand wanders my back and I turn to face you. You are my demon and my savior all in one. You carry such an unsuspecting burden.
I touch your face and lean down to kiss your lips, so powerful.
My hands search your shoulders for the strength to hold my unsteady legs. My tongue seeks it’s pray. You moan and enjoy my rage. See, I am angry at life and I plan on making you pay for the sins of my torturer. You slide back on the bad and I follow.
My secret is already soaking through.
You are so strong and your shoulders are so broad. Your arms wrap me up and hold me close as I fight to have my way. I want control, or do I want to be controlled…
Your commanding hands seek out my pleasures as my body allows you to take over and bring me to a memory that I have not felt for so long. You whisper that you want to please me, only me. Your time is not tonight.
I am so scared of this pain I have pushed back for only one night.
You lips grace my nipples and I feel the rush of rage come to the surface.
Get out I snap at you. It’s me not you, I stumble over my words.
You smile and your eyes tell me that on our second date, you will not allow this.
I can not wait.

 

[deezire1900]

I want him

Thank you for your input. I want him to be a Dom so badly I can taste it.
He has all the tints of it, that is why I asked him out...see I was searching and he crossed my path. We have a date for tomorrow night, I will try to bring it up then...

The only thing is...he has this want to please me, only me and he wants to hold back. Is that possible in a Dom? Is he showing me how strong he is...did I mention the date was 12 hours long...lost track of time, and it did get heated at the end. I loved feeling his weight and power over me. No we did not...

Deezire

 

[bunny bondage]

sounds like things are going well! i wish you luck! ^_^

 

[barelylegalslve]

I'd definitely tell before or on the first date. That way, while you're at dinner, you can secretly whisper to them, "Spank me so hard that I scream so loud they hear me five miles away."

;o)

 

[Croctden]

I just never seem to agree with everyone else

I would say it depends how well you know the guy. If you're confident he's what you want hint him out. I'm not a sub but I've always thought it was wise to know someone well before you let them tie you down. This falls under safe and/or sane.

 

[Richard49]

I'm still waiting for a defintion of a date

 

[bunny bondage]

I'm still waiting for a defintion of a date

well, here's what i've always considered to be a date. two people meet up for the purpose of getting to know one another better with the ultimate possibility of sex.

 

[Sabine]

Re: I just never seem to agree with everyone else

I would say it depends how well you know the guy.

agreed.

in general I have to disagree with this opinon to tell him before the date. I would feel no need any more than I would about telling him well.. any personal details about me. I thought the point of the dating process itself was to learn more and more about eachother..

I'd personally consider it rather presumptuous of someone to start telling me about such personal parts of their lifestyle before we'd even sat down with our drinks.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: I just never seem to agree with everyone else

agreed.

in general I have to disagree with this opinon to tell him before the date. I would feel no need any more than I would about telling him well.. any personal details about me. I thought the point of the dating process itself was to learn more and more about eachother..

I'd personally consider it rather presumptuous of someone to start telling me about such personal parts of their lifestyle before we'd even sat down with our drinks.

Guess it depends on how serous one is about BDSM as a main part of their life. IMO if that is who you are, sub or Dom, you are much better looking for and dating people with a complimentary need to yours, as in from lifestyle not vanilla. Nothing worse than beginning to date someone and then finding out they are far from the person you thought and were attracted to, or worse still, that they decided you would love them to change you to be the person they want, vanilla or BDSM dating inclusive. Is usually a recipe for disaster and majorly stuffing up both your and thier lives. I'm a firm believer in not trying to change someone, instead dating because they are the type person you can relate to. Is more honest, which is a strong element of any BDSM relationship.

Catalina

 

[SexyChele]

I have to go along with Crotden and Sabine. A first date does not a relationship make. A first date is a medium to find out if you ever want to see this person again. I do not, as a rule, disclose very much personal information on a first date. Neither do I expect my date to as well.

I look at it this way. I meet some one either in real life or online. We decide to go out for coffee or whatever. (I classify this as a date) While waiting for our drinks to arrive, he blurts out with: "I have to tell you: I want to find a woman who will be submissive to me, who will allow me to tie her up, pour hot wax over her body, and whip her until welts appear. You game?" Shit NO! I'm outta there! That's just way too freaky. Allow me to get to know a person first, then decide if he is the type of person I can share more intimate details with.

Quite frankly, when I was searching for a Dom, I went to where Doms were. I knew ahead of time that they were looking for a submissive. We even chatted about limits and such. So, when we actually met, there was no need for disclosure. And, when I did meet these Doms, we talked of just about everything but BDSM. There is more to these relationships than whether a Dom prefers a flogger or a singletail, after all. You need to find out if you are compatible as two human beings. Well, unless you only want a play partner. Then I suppose it doesn't matter.

There are also people who feel they can open up immediately, and do, and it works out fine. Others need to get to know some one first, and peel back the layers. Neither one is right, neither one is wrong. Neither one is more "serious" about the lifestyle. It's the pattern that fits the individuals involved.

The man I'm with now is vanilla. Most here realize that I've learned from my experiences that I am not a 24/7 submissive, or that I'm necessarily a 100% submissive in the bedroom. I needed to find a man who was willing to be open to what I like to do. My current lover is. But he didn't find that out until after we had been dating for more than a month and a half. Heck, he's still learning. It's just not something I would have brought up on date 1. (Or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6, for that matter)

But then, I am a rather cautious person to begin with. I just don't jump into relationships, so that is perhaps why I don't understand revealing intimate details of one's life on a first date.

 

[Sabine]

Re: Re: Re: I just never seem to agree with everyone else

Guess it depends on how serous one is about BDSM as a main part of their life.

*shrug* I mean.. would it be the same for say a very religious person? if their religious beliefs were a "main part of their life"? would it be dishonest or unfair if they didn't share all their beliefs and how that impacts their life with someone that they have simply found they are attracted to and are interested in getting to know better.. I mean.. unless you go into the few first dates with a lifetime partner questionare all prepared ahead of time.

personally.. I know I've crossed over a line and can't go back to a vanilla relationship.. it couldn't give me what I want or need from a relationship.. it's definately a necessity.. but I don't go up to guys that I'm attracted to and ask "hey are you a dom?.."

IMO if that is who you are, sub or Dom, you are much better looking for and dating people with a complimentary need to yours, as in from lifestyle not vanilla.

definately.. I think people are usually attracted to people who they believe compliment their needs.

Nothing worse than beginning to date someone and then finding out they are far from the person you thought and were attracted to, or worse still, that they decided you would love them to change you to be the person they want, vanilla or BDSM dating inclusive. Is usually a recipe for disaster and majorly stuffing up both your and thier lives.

uh.. isn't that the whole point of dating? particularly the beginning? I always heard that there's nothing worse than well.. marrying or committing yourself to someone only to find out they aren't who they thought they were.. are we really supposed to be so panicky and rushed to find the right person and avoid experiencing the wrong ones at all?

I'm a firm believer in not trying to change someone, instead dating because they are the type person you can relate to.

I would wish everyone to feel the same way.. kinky or not.

Is more honest, which is a strong element of any BDSM relationship.

or any relationship.

 

[Sabine]

I meet some one either in real life or online. We decide to go out for coffee or whatever. (I classify this as a date) While waiting for our drinks to arrive, he blurts out with: "I have to tell you: I want to find a woman who will be submissive to me, who will allow me to tie her up, pour hot wax over her body, and whip her until welts appear. You game?" Shit NO! I'm outta there! That's just way too freaky.

that made me giggle..

.....
But then, I am a rather cautious person to begin with. I just don't jump into relationships, so that is perhaps why I don't understand revealing intimate details of one's life on a first date.

exactly..
I'm quite the same.

 

[Croctden]

All about the Benjamans

I'm still waiting for a defintion of a date

If I pay, it's a date.

Also what I meant before was not that you should know if he's into BDSM, but if he's a good guy. I generally go on 2-3 dates with a girl before I'm sure if I want a relationship regardless if they are into spanking or not. I don't hide who I am, so if she's from my crowd, she knows. I can see telling someone before date #1, but it seems to close many doors. Someone may be more open to it if they know you.

 

[deezire1900]

we had a second date

And it was fuckin' fab. He is amazing...I tried to talk him about being a sub, but I dont know if fully understood

He said things like..
"you are all woman"
"Your all about being a girl"

and he can make me do what he wants...I think it is working!

I want him so bad!

Deezire