First attempt at writing erotica

[Portly_Penguin]

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[AG31]

Hi!

I've never written any erotica content before, so I'd love some feedback on the first part of a series I'm developing. It's a slow-burn gay story and there will be violence/homophobic content within, just as a warning. There's nothing major in this opening part, though.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

https://www.literotica.com/s/light-the-fire

It's not my thing, but it reads well, more as a YA story than erotica at this point, although you did alert us to "nothing major".

One tiny thing. "Chest" is mentioned twice too close together.

"Luca glanced at me, a smile dancing on his lips. I could almost hear his heart beating in his chest due to the closeness of him, but he didn't move. A soft stillness settled over the room as my heart drummed against my chest."

 

[Vintage_DM]

It's not my thing, but it reads well, more as a YA story than erotica at this point, although you did alert us to "nothing major".

One tiny thing. "Chest" is mentioned twice too close together.

"Luca glanced at me, a smile dancing on his lips. I could almost hear his heart beating in his chest due to the closeness of him, but he didn't move. A soft stillness settled over the room as my heart drummed against my chest."

I have yet to look at the story. With that said, I would agree with AG31. It is the tiny things that can kill an otherwise good story. I'll take it a step further. Find a beta reader who is comfortable with whatever line you want to follow.