Findom fans, read 750 words and tell me how I did?

[joy_of_cooking]

Harm Reduction Findomme (750 Words)

My first time writing a fetish I don't myself have.

 

[yowser]

Ha! Well done.

I'm probably not the best one to offer any feedback here, since not a one of these fetish-facets sit in my own bucket of misbegotten kinks, so I'll just say you handled the writing superbly.

I was annoyed at first with no names, minimal setting (okay, generic coffee house) but these certainly played their part perfectly, and with such a skimpy number of words, you made it all work concisely.

But you caught all the right notes, with a sweet hard right turn at the end, and I think you ought to be pleased with the result.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Thanks, @yowser!

I was dissatisfied with the rating (now 4.08 / 40) and I've been thinking about why it might have scored so poorly. As you say, it was clever and it had a fun twist and and and...

But it advertised a certain fetish, and then didn't really deliver on that fetish. I didn't show the fun of findom. I didn't linger on the rush of handing over the money, or the consequences of doing so irresponsibly (that danger appears to be a major component of its appeal).

Also, I'm told that the findomme in my story didn't really behave as findommes do nowadays. They're not much into the physical abuse (a lot of them are camgirls) and even verbal abuse isn't big. It's all about the feeling of being irresistibly drawn to a potentially self-destructive thing...

Should do my homework better next time, I guess.

 

[Bazzle]

Thanks, @yowser!

I was dissatisfied with the rating (now 4.08 / 40) and I've been thinking about why it might have scored so poorly. As you say, it was clever and it had a fun twist and and and...

But it advertised a certain fetish, and then didn't really deliver on that fetish. I didn't show the fun of findom. I didn't linger on the rush of handing over the money, or the consequences of doing so irresponsibly (that danger appears to be a major component of its appeal).

Also, I'm told that the findomme in my story didn't really behave as findommes do nowadays. They're not much into the physical abuse (a lot of them are camgirls) and even verbal abuse isn't big. It's all about the feeling of being irresistibly drawn to a potentially self-destructive thing...

Should do my homework better next time, I guess.

I would love 4.08

 

[joy_of_cooking]

I would love 4.08

I felt like a real asshole until I checked your author page and saw how many red H's you have.

 

[Yesok1]

Thanks, @yowser!

I was dissatisfied with the rating (now 4.08 / 40) and I've been thinking about why it might have scored so poorly. As you say, it was clever and it had a fun twist and and and...

But it advertised a certain fetish, and then didn't really deliver on that fetish. I didn't show the fun of findom. I didn't linger on the rush of handing over the money, or the consequences of doing so irresponsibly (that danger appears to be a major component of its appeal).

Also, I'm told that the findomme in my story didn't really behave as findommes do nowadays. They're not much into the physical abuse (a lot of them are camgirls) and even verbal abuse isn't big. It's all about the feeling of being irresistibly drawn to a potentially self-destructive thing...

Should do my homework better next time, I guess.

I enjoyed your story,. Thank you. Keep it up.

I turn off scoring for my shorts!

Thank you, for introducing me to findomme. I like that idea. And with a romantic slant on the story.

 

[Bazzle]

I felt like a real asshole until I checked your author page and saw how many red H's you have.

Yeah, I was more thinking about the 750 challenge

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Ah, fair. And it's a good reminder anyway.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

I enjoyed your story,. Thank you. Keep it up.

I turn off scoring for my shorts!

Thank you, for introducing me to findomme. I like that idea. And with a romantic slant on the story.

Thanks for the comment! Yeah, romantic slants are my thing.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

Thanks, @yowser!

I was dissatisfied with the rating (now 4.08 / 40) and I've been thinking about why it might have scored so poorly. As you say, it was clever and it had a fun twist and and and...

But it advertised a certain fetish, and then didn't really deliver on that fetish. I didn't show the fun of findom. I didn't linger on the rush of handing over the money, or the consequences of doing so irresponsibly (that danger appears to be a major component of its appeal).

Also, I'm told that the findomme in my story didn't really behave as findommes do nowadays. They're not much into the physical abuse (a lot of them are camgirls) and even verbal abuse isn't big. It's all about the feeling of being irresistibly drawn to a potentially self-destructive thing...

Should do my homework better next time, I guess.

Hey, at least the author is assessing the story highly.

 

[lovecraft68]

It was an interesting piece. The findom fetish is a disturbing one in real life. Men have thrown away everything from their marriages to their homes, all their money etc...and nothing even sexual in return, in fact, most of it is being verbally abused and financial demands.

As for your score, its not a popular kink due to its cruelty, but I think beyond that, and I said this on Em's mature thread.

People do not care much for these 750 word stories. The average score on them is just over four and only because of other author's supporting each other's stories with fives. Leave it to just the readership most of these would be in the 3's.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Hey, at least the author is assessing the story highly.

Ha, fair, I did at least please myself.

People do not care much for these 750 word stories.

Yeah, it's true. They are more a writer's exercise than a reader's treat.

 

[lovecraft68]

I meant to add that my wife and I have been role playing for 20 years and this has potential. She's not good at being mean, but there's always hope.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

Ha, fair, I did at least please myself.

Yeah, it's true. They are more a writer's exercise than a reader's treat.

I've just written myself a short story. Hopefully I can get somebody to look at it before posting, then I'll be able to tell everybody how clever it is.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

my wife and I have been role playing for 20 years and this has potential.

...potential as a scene you and your wife could try? Cool! Thanks for making my day.

I've just written myself a short story. Hopefully I can get somebody to look at it before posting,

Happy to take a look if you want. DM me.