Finding each other- A question

[A Desert Rose]

This is a question that has been vexing me for some time. For most of us, when we meet someone whos "chemistry" is right for us, we know it.

How do/did you find your partner? Was it luck or fate? Were you actively looking for someone to fit your needs?

Did you meet someone whose personality traits fit (either consciouly or unconsciously) that which you were looking for in a partner?

Are you/were you naturally drawn to a certain "kind" of person?

Did BDSM come naturally to you both, or was it a road of exploration that you embarked on together?

Speak in general terms or in more personal ones, if you choose to. Having found someone, quite by accident, these questions have been going through my head lately. I would be interested in reading others thoughts on this.

 

[Grvdigger]

I remember it well

When gem and I met. It was by accident. W/we both were not looking for anything serious at the time. W/we met at lit (shocker I know) and had been playing around. W/we just happened upon one another that night and were invited to play with someone W/we both thought the other knew. There was something special with gem. After the first time, when ever I would come on I would look for her and her Me. Till it moved on its own to what it has become now. So I would say yes to both luck and fate.

As for bdsm it was not involved in the beginning. she had had some bad experinces with some, and I was not sure how to approach her then. I had much experince in the past but it was something I had not particapted in for awhile. One night I just did and W/we took the road slowly and made the point to discuss open and honestly about everything no matter what. I think that is one of the strengths that W/we have.

As for traits......I was not looking for anythings in particular. I just got lucky and found someone who has it all.

Yes I know it is a bit sappy.....but it is the truth. gem is My soulmate and A/all that know U/us well would agree.

I hope this answered some of the things you were looking for Rose. If not...ask away....I am not shy on details.

 

[bunny bondage]

i met Him because i was in his class. the very first day i sat in the back of the room just staring at Him. i had been late (it was my very first day at college and i had gotten lost) and i REALLY hoped He'd ask me to stay after class to "discuss my tardiness". and even though He didn't, i've certinaly recieved my overdue spanking! i knew we couldn't become involved while i was in His class (as He might get fired and all that) but after the semester, we started this strange little relationship we're in now. as for bdsm, it's all i've ever been into even before i ever had sex, and i'm gradually entering that kind of play with Him. as He doesn't know my limits yet, He's always asking things like "are you ok? you sure?" and it's really very sweet! so we're learning eachother and having loads of fun doing so! ^_^

 

[artful]

The Meeting

Dream was referred to me, by a friend of mine at Literotica.

She sought me out online, and posted publicly to me. At first, I didn't want to pursue another, ONLINE training experience with her, or anyone else. LDR's are *bastard* relationships, and cymbidia has always had the right take on them.

If one wants to have a little fun,...(with no real responsibilities toward the other person), impart a little knowledge, or learn a bit more about a person, (as regards BDSM), it works.

When it becomes serious, it *can* work,...but it's the "roughest" road, this old man has ever travelled, (and I have travelled a few).

We then began communicating by PM's, and the Forum knows the "rest of the story". Our LDR relationship has had more than it's share, of ups and downs, ins and outs, emotional turmoil, and "drama" for the *trolls* to feed upon, (publicly).

All the 'cracks' and 'chips' in our relationship, had been exposed publicly, and many well meaning people have entered the fray, (at one time or another). Posting their opinions, giving support to either Dream or myself, and of course, some posted just to 'stir the shit'.

When I asked Dream to remove her collar, in a PRIVATE message, she went public with the message.
That part of our relationship is history. I have allowed her to remain my slave, and I won't go into the details.

I chose Rose's thread to post this information, because the topic allowed me to post to the many newcomers, LDR's are fraught with problems, and I urge all to EXTREME caution, when undertaking such a massive challenge in developing a serious relationship.

Is it worth it,...for the right match?...YES! Does it work, can it be done successfully?...YES!
Dream and I are still working on ours, and I have every hope, to relocate Dream and her 10 year old son, close to me, by June of next year.

I will close this post, adding what I have always thought to be true. I don't need support for my opinions or my actions, they are mine, and I own them. I am the sole director of what I do, and what I say. There is no need for anyone to post, referring to what I have stated publicly here, or anywhere else for that matter.

I need no encouragement, nor sympathy. Unlike many others who say they aren't here to make friends, I will also state publicly, I *am* here to make friends. I don't kiss ass to make them,...and I won't make friends with a ass kisser.

Those of you who have my respect,...have it,...those of you who don't,...don't, but I won't publicly point out those who don't. Why? Because it would be a waste of my time.

artful,...(but please,...just call me Art)

 

[bored1]

This is a question that has been vexing me for some time. For most of us, when we meet someone whos "chemistry" is right for us, we know it.

How do/did you find your partner? Was it luck or fate? Were you actively looking for someone to fit your needs?

Did you meet someone whose personality traits fit (either consciouly or unconsciously) that which you were looking for in a partner?

Are you/were you naturally drawn to a certain "kind" of person?

Did BDSM come naturally to you both, or was it a road of exploration that you embarked on together?

Speak in general terms or in more personal ones, if you choose to. Having found someone, quite by accident, these questions have been going through my head lately. I would be interested in reading others thoughts on this.

I believe that i look for a particular personality type, I quess that falls into a "certain kind of person" catagory. Do we as humans look for someone to fill our needs or fill our wants?Is there a difference? It would seem to me that BDSM would be something that a couple would evolve into over time.

 

[eastTNbbw]

Re: The Meeting

I chose Rose's thread to post this information, because the topic allowed me to post to the many newcomers, LDR's are fraught with problems, and I urge all to EXTREME caution, when undertaking such a massive challenge in developing a serious relationship.

Thank you so much for sharing that on the thread. I am fairly new and through reading, of course realized your relationship with Dream. I will say it is great to see a couple share very openly about their experiences and help others.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Finding each other- A question

I believe that i look for a particular personality type, I quess that falls into a "certain kind of person" catagory. Do we as humans look for someone to fill our needs or fill our wants?Is there a difference? It would seem to me that BDSM would be something that a couple would evolve into over time.

OH how very very nice to see your post here, my friend... ~smile~

I think we choose people who share or have personality traits we see in ourselves or wish to see. That in turn, does fill our needs.
I agree with your post.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: The Meeting

I chose Rose's thread to post this information, because the topic allowed me to post to the many newcomers, LDR's are fraught with problems, and I urge all to EXTREME caution, when undertaking such a massive challenge in developing a serious relationship.

Those of you who have my respect,...have it,...those of you who don't,...don't, but I won't publicly point out those who don't. Why? Because it would be a waste of my time.

artful,...(but please,...just call me Art)

Thank you Art for your post and for using my thread to do so. I hope that I am one who has your respect, as you have mine.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: I remember it well

As for traits......I was not looking for anythings in particular. I just got lucky and found someone who has it all.

Yes I know it is a bit sappy.....but it is the truth. gem is My soulmate and A/all that know U/us well would agree.

I hope this answered some of the things you were looking for Rose. If not...ask away....I am not shy on details.

If you were not consciously looking for someone, do you think it might have been a subconscious draw between the two of you?

Or was it just luck/fate?

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.

 

[Cirrus]

This is a question that has been vexing me for some time. For most of us, when we meet someone whos "chemistry" is right for us, we know it.

How do/did you find your partner? Was it luck or fate? Were you actively looking for someone to fit your needs?

Actually I was NOT looking. I was anti-looking, as a matter of fact. We met the first time through a mutual friend and did not like each other. We met again a few months later when my car broke down. He gave me a ride, we started flirting, and I went home with that giddy "crush" feeling you get when you meet someone you really, really think is pretty damn cool. So I guess you could say my ex and I were fate.

Did you meet someone whose personality traits fit (either consciouly or unconsciously) that which you were looking for in a partner?

Yes I did, though it was unconscious. My ex and I got along great, and still do. We are now working on re-establishing a friendship. We just weren't compatible in a relationship for something we actually DID have in common...our tempers and our stubborn streaks. Other than that though, we're a lot alike, enjoy many of the same things, have the same sense of humor and the same values. Actually, if I thought any good could come of it, I would consider trying to get back with him...but we're better off as friends. Still, he's just about everything I would look for.

Are you/were you naturally drawn to a certain "kind" of person?

I have been, yes. Usually older, sometimes much older, educated, emotional, and bit of a romantic/dreamer. I just seem to gravitate toward those types. Men who are very logical and pragmatic aren't a good match for me.

Did BDSM come naturally to you both, or was it a road of exploration that you embarked on together?

We worked on it together. I was the one who suggested trying some light bondage and SM play at first, not knowing he'd had some previous experience before that. Our relationship was BDSM only in the bedroom, and that's how we both liked it. We tried a lot of things, some we liked, others not as much, and most importantly we communicated OUTSIDE of the bedroom about what we liked, didn't like, and wanted to try.

Speak in general terms or in more personal ones, if you choose to. Having found someone, quite by accident, these questions have been going through my head lately. I would be interested in reading others thoughts on this.
I speak personally not out of ego, but because it's the only experience with the topic I have, having been in only one skin to skin BDSM romantic relationship. I would speak generally if I thought I might have any idea what I'm talking about. It seems I relay ideas best when they have affected me personally.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Thank you Cirrus

for the great post. And for taking time to reveal so much.

I love your posts, always.

 

[Grvdigger]

Re: Re: I remember it well

If you were not consciously looking for someone, do you think it might have been a subconscious draw between the two of you?

Or was it just luck/fate?

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.

Has that not always been the question, is it luck or fate. I ask that all the time. Things were going on in both of O/our lives at the time that I would not have wished to happen. But if not for those things then neither of U/us would have been there. Luck or Fate....it matters not to Me only that it was.

As for a draw, most definetly. There was something about her that was different, something that did draw Me to her and her to Me. Even now I can not say what it is, she is just the missing part of Me....as said earlier in another thread..she completes My cirlce of love.

 

[Ashyone]

This is a question that has been vexing me for some time. For most of us, when we meet someone whos "chemistry" is right for us, we know it.

How do/did you find your partner? Was it luck or fate? Were you actively looking for someone to fit your needs?

Did you meet someone whose personality traits fit (either consciouly or unconsciously) that which you were looking for in a partner?

Are you/were you naturally drawn to a certain "kind" of person?

Did BDSM come naturally to you both, or was it a road of exploration that you embarked on together?

Speak in general terms or in more personal ones, if you choose to. Having found someone, quite by accident, these questions have been going through my head lately. I would be interested in reading others thoughts on this.

I'd say it was fate when he and I met, we had both been persuaded into going to a nearby club where we met and started dating the next week. I had never even thought I would meet someone who could fulfill my needs.

I found out after some time that our personality traits fit together rather unconsciously (at least when it comes to BDSM) since he has since become more and more into this lifestyle on his own. As he always says, I have awakened a sleeping giant But we're really opposite in everything else

We have been exploring this together even though I have had submissive feelings for as long as I could remember. But it took my discussing my feelings with him to have the chance to really explore that side of me, and his own hidden dominant side. Since we've started down this path we've both learned a lot about ourselves and it's been a lot of fun!! And finding this board certainly helped

 

[SexyChele]

This is a question that has been vexing me for some time. For most of us, when we meet someone whos "chemistry" is right for us, we know it.

How do/did you find your partner? Was it luck or fate? Were you actively looking for someone to fit your needs?

I was actively looking for some one, as was he. We are still trying to sort through how/if our needs can be met in a mutually satisfying way.

Did you meet someone whose personality traits fit (either consciouly or unconsciously) that which you were looking for in a partner?

Yes, but consciously.

Are you/were you naturally drawn to a certain "kind" of person?

Yes, I am, and it's usually the one I don't think I will be drawn to.

Did BDSM come naturally to you both, or was it a road of exploration that you embarked on together?]/B]

With my first Dom, it was a total road of exploration - neither of us truly knew what we were embarking on. With the Dom I am now getting to know, we both know that we are seeking a relationship that is based on BDSM. BDSM comes naturally to me now. I didn't realize that until after I'd been involved with my first Dom.

Speak in general terms or in more personal ones, if you choose to. Having found someone, quite by accident, these questions have been going through my head lately. I would be interested in reading others thoughts on this.

Best wishes on your relationship, and may you both find happiness and satisfaction with each other.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Finding each other- A question

We have been exploring this together even though I have had submissive feelings for as long as I could remember. But it took my discussing my feelings with him to have the chance to really explore that side of me, and his own hidden dominant side. Since we've started down this path we've both learned a lot about ourselves and it's been a lot of fun!! And finding this board certainly helped

Congratulations, Ashyone. I am glad you both seem to be finding your way.

 

[A Desert Rose]

"With my first Dom, it was a total road of exploration - neither of us truly knew what we were embarking on. With the Dom I am now getting to know, we both know that we are seeking a relationship that is based on BDSM. BDSM comes naturally to me now. I didn't realize that until after I'd been involved with my first Dom." SexyChele

My first Dom and I had a similar experience. Neither of us knew what we were doing for sure and the relationship failed because of that, among other things.

And like you, thanks to my first Dom, I realize what it is I want in a relationship and what part I play in it. At the least, I need to thank Him for bringing out in me and showing me what it was I had been missing in my sexual life.

Indeed, in failure many lessons can be learned and new insights gained. Thank you for your best wishes and I extend mine to you, too.