Finding Dom/Switch when positive w/STI

[PliablePrincess]

Hi everyone,

I'm very nervous about asking this question. I have played a bit with former partners, i.e. being tied up, spanking, blindfolded, commanded, and some breath play. I'm interested in getting more into the lifestlye. I have cybered (don't groan) and I consider myself a Switch, but seem to lean to sub. I'd love to find a Switch or Dom in real life, but what complicates things is now I have HSV (herpes).

Since finding out I have HSV, I've only been with one person who was also HSV positive. He's not a Dom or switch, and plus our relationship has ended.

I know there are H groups, but I can't imagine finding someone I'm compatible with, getting to know them and then trying to bring up this subject. I'd like to find someone openly in the lifestyle, so we can take the time and effort to get to know each other without wondering if this is even a possiblity. I guess I feel like I have a lot of road blocks including my HSV and I don't know how to get around them.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I'd like to know, what advice do you have for someone who is into BDSM and also has an STI as far as finding a Dom or Switch?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I admire your honesty and desire to share that information with a possible partner. I am sure there are many in the lifestyle who share your STD. Some sites have an option in the profile to include such information, failing that I would put it in myself. There are also some people who will be happy to run the risk using protection when thought necessary. Don't be discouraged, just continue looking and being open...there will be someone who will value that honesty.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

I can tell you, there are a whole lot of people here who not only value, but admire your honesty.

Good luck to you!!!

 

[ammre]

I totally wish i had an answer but i don't.
Why i wish i had an answer? I'm herpalicious too!

I do play some. I've found people i'm comfortable being sexual with and i'll play on the outskirts. I mean most of the beating/spanking stuff is fine, it's jsut contact with the infected area that's prohibited, and if you heav a steady loving partner a lot of the time they are willing to risk it. (through medication, stress therapy, jsut being intune with your body to know when you're contagious so it's not that bad.)

I'm still dealing with it myself. I tend to kep my genitals under wraps. Fingers and toys are fine, just gotta wash them (for fingers wash immediatelly).

I totally don't think i've dealt with it mentally in the correct fashion. I give myself pleasure and such, but when it comes to other people i jsut seem to forget i have genitals at all, and i'm pretty sure that's repressing something. Some day i'm going to run around rubbing my snatch against department store windows or something.

I find the easiest way for me to remain sexual is to be part of a group. becasue then i can sort of be the third party, so i'm having fun but there's no need for my vagina to be touching anything.
"Ammre, lick her until she's about to orgasm and then stop" *Spank spank scratch*

 

[ammre]

oh and this isn't for the original poster but jsut for people checking out this thread...

Condoms can NOT stop HSV(herpes) and HPV (genital warts).
They are viruses that are spread via skin to skin contact. If you have an ickey bump on your labia and your labia is touching their balls, the virus can spread.

ALSO
Things like that are not tested for on your run of the mill sexual health checkup. They require symptoms or blood tests. If you take a skin sample when someone is not having an outbreak they will come up as clean.

one last fun point!

Herpes can be spread, nearly anywhere. It tends to stick to sensitive tissue and mucus membranes. Ie: mouth, vagina, penis, nose and even eyes. If you have common cold sores, YOU HAVE HERPES. I personally got it when a guy went down on me and was too stupid to know that cold sores were herpes and therefor didn't realize he was suppossed to say "yes, i do have an STI" when we had the talk. People are contagious before during and after as well as random blue moon days. so you don't need symptoms, adn sometimes the symptoms are so feint you cna't even tell they are there.

 

[Bandit58]

oh and this isn't for the original poster but jsut for people checking out this thread...

Condoms can NOT stop HSV(herpes) and HPV (genital warts).
They are viruses that are spread via skin to skin contact. If you have an ickey bump on your labia and your labia is touching their balls, the virus can spread.

ALSO
Things like that are not tested for on your run of the mill sexual health checkup. They require symptoms or blood tests. If you take a skin sample when someone is not having an outbreak they will come up as clean.

one last fun point!

Herpes can be spread, nearly anywhere. It tends to stick to sensitive tissue and mucus membranes. Ie: mouth, vagina, penis, nose and even eyes. If you have common cold sores, YOU HAVE HERPES. I personally got it when a guy went down on me and was too stupid to know that cold sores were herpes and therefor didn't realize he was suppossed to say "yes, i do have an STI" when we had the talk. People are contagious before during and after as well as random blue moon days. so you don't need symptoms, adn sometimes the symptoms are so feint you cna't even tell they are there.

Thanks for the info ammre

I have had cold sores but don't have the genital variety. A few months ago I had quite a bad outbreak - they were on my lips and inside my nose and it was extremely painful, enough for me to get myself to a doctor. Usually Zovirax cream clears them up in a few days but not this time. He gave me some antibiotic cream to use in conjunction with the Zovirax and it all cleared up in a week or so.

Master and I are very careful when I have a cold sore. No oral (poor deprived Man ) and no kissing and I wash my hands after applying any creams. His immune system is compromised by His kidney disease and the last thing He needs is a herpes outbreak to go with everything else. So far so good, He is ok and I haven't had a cold sore since that time.

 

[bronntanas]

Princess, ammre and Bandit so totally rock. Your honesty, integrity and sheer guts and the care you take with your partners is awesome.

 

[shy slave]

princess and ammre I really admire you talking openly about a difficult subject/

Like Bandit I get cold sores, have had them since I was a very young child.
Zovirax no longer works but ordinary lip salve usually keeps them under a level of control when they appear.
They used to appear every month, but over the past year I have had very few outbreaks, They used to occur when I was over loaded with stress and due my period.
In the past the have been multiple and spread over all my lips (which looks YUCK and makes you feel like a leper)

Like Bandit, I keep my away from many activities when I have a cold sore and I have learnt to recognise the signs early. I keep my lips moist and drink plently which also seems to help.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Through research a few years back I found plenty of references to the use of L-lysine as a very good help to combatting the virus. Haven't known anyone who personally tried it, but seems the world of natural therapy has a lot of respect for its use. Maybe it can help someone here.

Catalina

 

[ammre]

Through research a few years back I found plenty of references to the use of L-lysine as a very good help to combatting the virus. Haven't known anyone who personally tried it, but seems the world of natural therapy has a lot of respect for its use. Maybe it can help someone here.

Catalina

yo're right, but it needs to be in moderation, i think too much and you can cause damage to other parts of your body.

http://tribes.tribe.net/herpesnation

thats a good discussion area on herpies and natural as well as medicinal information.

 

[FurryFury]

I think when something like this STI happens you feel like it defines you and is catastrophic in your life.

In the end it doesn't very much change what you have to go though to find a Dom/Switch. You have to go through the same steps as usual and then you have to add this factor in. I suspect you will find people are a lot more tolerant of you and your STI that you expect right now. Particularly if they have already gotten to know you as a person and be attracted to you for D/s or kink activities.

*HUGS*

Fury

 

[Etoile]

Some facts I have learned recently about herpes:

1. It doesn't discriminate between mouth and genitals - it can be freely passed between them.
2. Genitals includes the anus.
3. It is possible to shed the herpes virus at any time, not only during an outbreak - you don't have to have a sore to pass it.
4. Herpes is extremely common...a LOT more people have it than you might think. Many people aren't even aware they have it, and that's probably why it is so common...people pass it without knowing it.

I agree with what everyone else has said so far. Being honest and upfront about yourself is the best policy. Don't make a big deal of it - if you don't want to put it in your profile, then you can just mention it in your first email exchange. I don't see a problem with that.

There really is no reason for the stigma attached to herpes - it's so common - so who knows why it still exists!

 

[ammre]

There really is no reason for the stigma attached to herpes - it's so common - so who knows why it still exists!

it hurts. a lot. :\ Even if everyone is doing it,it still blows. When i had my first outbreak i was out of school for a week. I had a 102 fever, chills/cold sweats, body aches, and my no-no was so painful i'd try to avoid moving at all. I had it so bad they wanted to give me a catherater. Suppossedly the pain can be so bad people will unintentionally stop peeing (if theres a sore near/in the urethera peeing is really really painful).

Origianl poster don't read this i don't want you feeling bad!
I would feel horrible about giving someone who liked me herpes. So i tell people about it right up front before they even have a chance to start liking me. That way they can run for the hills or write me off before their emotions start to mettle.

I figure if a disabled person has no feeling in their down-there's they can still find some way to be sexual... i can too then..