How do you do it?I just signed up and have been reading the posts here. Seems to be quite a few married guys like myself, curious but hesitant because of all the different risks. Had a couple of experiences at bookstores back in the 70s and would love to try again if I have the opportunity to do so with someone I trusted. I'm in Galveston Tx and would enjoy exchanging e-mails with guys in the same position.
Finding a safe guy
- Thread starter Eric52
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alaskabibear
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Welcome Eric52,
This is a great place to talk and learn, and while it is possible to meet a friend on this site, for a real life relationship I think you might find more response from something more local. Of course it is all so dependent on just what kind of person you are trying to find. It is important to be safe of course, but other things may also be important to you (or not) like; friendship, looks, attraction, etc. The only way to find a guy that matches your interests is to let others know what you're looking for.
I'm assuming you're wife doesn't know about this need of yours - and that brings in a bunch of problems IMO. Main one being is that it will be harder to find a longterm buddy who wants to hide the relationship - but probably not impossible. Without more details it would be hard to be more specific as to how you can meet a guy, but I would suggest placing a local personal ad on; Craigs List, or squirt.org or silverdaddies.com. Be as specific and honest as you can for best results. Insist on safe sex and/or ongoing STD testing (remember that HIV can be present and not show on the test for a couple of months - so a clean test may or may not be enough in a casual sexual encounter!).
Feel free to send me a Private Message if you just want someone to talk to - good luck!
This is a great place to talk and learn, and while it is possible to meet a friend on this site, for a real life relationship I think you might find more response from something more local. Of course it is all so dependent on just what kind of person you are trying to find. It is important to be safe of course, but other things may also be important to you (or not) like; friendship, looks, attraction, etc. The only way to find a guy that matches your interests is to let others know what you're looking for.
I'm assuming you're wife doesn't know about this need of yours - and that brings in a bunch of problems IMO. Main one being is that it will be harder to find a longterm buddy who wants to hide the relationship - but probably not impossible. Without more details it would be hard to be more specific as to how you can meet a guy, but I would suggest placing a local personal ad on; Craigs List, or squirt.org or silverdaddies.com. Be as specific and honest as you can for best results. Insist on safe sex and/or ongoing STD testing (remember that HIV can be present and not show on the test for a couple of months - so a clean test may or may not be enough in a casual sexual encounter!).
Feel free to send me a Private Message if you just want someone to talk to - good luck!
alaskabibear
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besides discretion and STDs, I worry about meeting people who will turn out to be axe murderers!!
Never, never, never meet a stranger for sex without taking your own ax!!! Didn't your parents teach you anything?
B
blubyuf6
Guest
Thats funny...
tonethebone
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Or a close friend. Someone you've shared sex stories with in the past. Someone with a good sense of humor. I'm lucky to have a suck buddy I've known for 35 years. We've been active orally for the last 15 years or so. It was actually him that brought it up. My curiosity and raging boner pushed me to the point of at least trying it out.
Very very glad I did. Oh........and we're both married. Another sign of safeness to look for.
Very very glad I did. Oh........and we're both married. Another sign of safeness to look for.
alaskabibear
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I agree with the close friend concept. Only problem is not knowing if an existing buddy is in fact bi. (tonethebone was lucky his friend took the initiative - but a lot of such attempts have backfired on many) So, the other option is to seek out a known bisexual (e.g. personal ad, sites like this, etc.) and try to build a true and lasting friendship. Make it clear up front you're looking for a monogamous type of friendship, build trust and friendship first and if it works out enjoy sex together (hopefully for many years like tonethebone). May not ever find the right guy, but at least it's a plan.
littlegrizz02
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Me to.
I'm a married man, but want to suck a cock and get fucked. I want to have a guy shoot his cum in my mouth while his buddy shoots his in my ass.
HardNightDay
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Hi everyone.
I don't want to be a wet blanket here, but a few thoughts...
I'm assuming you are married and looking to cheat on the side (sorry, but I have to call it what it is). This is problematic in oh so many ways. The dishonesty of the situation causes many problems and not just for yourself, but for your wife and the community at large.
For those of us that are somewhat openly bisexual and working to create an understanding that bisexuality and homosexuality are not "dark" or destructive behaviors, these situations are a problem. They are a problem because married men, looking to carry out clandestine meetings, leads to meetings in parks, at bookstores, truck stops and other areas. It apparently leads Republicans to inappropriately solicit sex in airport bathrooms.
The public in general forms a view that homosexuals/bisexuals are deviants and perverts, and are somehow incapable of carrying out open, honest sexual relations. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Please, please, please work to find a way to meet your needs in a way that has integrity for you and for your wife. I suggest bringing up your thoughts to her slowly. As she no doubt loves you, you may be surprised what she is willing to do for you.
Edit: I am a bisexual who came to terms with my sexuality during my marriage. I can tell you from experience the journey was difficult, required a lot of frank conversation with my wife, but ultimately extremely fulfilling and worth it. I don't wear my sexual orientation on my sleeve, except when I'm on Lit, but I'm very comfortable with it now and very fulfilled.
Best of luck!
I don't want to be a wet blanket here, but a few thoughts...
I'm assuming you are married and looking to cheat on the side (sorry, but I have to call it what it is). This is problematic in oh so many ways. The dishonesty of the situation causes many problems and not just for yourself, but for your wife and the community at large.
For those of us that are somewhat openly bisexual and working to create an understanding that bisexuality and homosexuality are not "dark" or destructive behaviors, these situations are a problem. They are a problem because married men, looking to carry out clandestine meetings, leads to meetings in parks, at bookstores, truck stops and other areas. It apparently leads Republicans to inappropriately solicit sex in airport bathrooms.
The public in general forms a view that homosexuals/bisexuals are deviants and perverts, and are somehow incapable of carrying out open, honest sexual relations. Nothing could be further from the truth.Please, please, please work to find a way to meet your needs in a way that has integrity for you and for your wife. I suggest bringing up your thoughts to her slowly. As she no doubt loves you, you may be surprised what she is willing to do for you.
Edit: I am a bisexual who came to terms with my sexuality during my marriage. I can tell you from experience the journey was difficult, required a lot of frank conversation with my wife, but ultimately extremely fulfilling and worth it. I don't wear my sexual orientation on my sleeve, except when I'm on Lit, but I'm very comfortable with it now and very fulfilled.
Best of luck!
Last edited:
alaskabibear
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HardNightDay,
IMO that is one of the best posts I have ever read! Your thoughts reflect my feelings and experience virtually to the letter. (Of course I know that some people are in very difficult relationships and this approach probably sounds like Greek. So I might just add; If there is no way to be open about ones sexuality to your spouse, I seriously suggest that person evaluate the relationship and ask if this is the best way to spend ones life. If ones homosexual needs are so great as to "cheat", then maybe in the best interest of both parties and for whatever love you have for your spouse you should choose an amicable divorce. If the homosexual needs aren't great enough for this measure, perhaps leaving it as a fantasy is the best thing.)
IMO that is one of the best posts I have ever read! Your thoughts reflect my feelings and experience virtually to the letter. (Of course I know that some people are in very difficult relationships and this approach probably sounds like Greek. So I might just add; If there is no way to be open about ones sexuality to your spouse, I seriously suggest that person evaluate the relationship and ask if this is the best way to spend ones life. If ones homosexual needs are so great as to "cheat", then maybe in the best interest of both parties and for whatever love you have for your spouse you should choose an amicable divorce. If the homosexual needs aren't great enough for this measure, perhaps leaving it as a fantasy is the best thing.)
HardNightDay and alaskabibear you both bring up very good points. On Lit I stated that I bi or at the very least bicurious. However in the real world this more of a fantasy than something that I would bring to a reality. I have a wonderfull wife and I would never want to risk hurting her. In the real world there are only 4 people that know that I am bicurious. Two of which are my ex gf's, my wife, and someone who used to be my best friend. (I will get to that later)
With that said I have a totally honest relationship with my wife, she knows that I am curious and says that she trusts my judgement. She has told me that if I wanted to experiment (with other guys or gals) that she would support me 100%. (I have be with very few girls & no men) However I have been down this road before with my ex who would say the exact samething. She was very supportive & was only the 2nd woman I had been with. She would tell me that she would love to see me other people, she knew my previous ex (my first) and to see if this was comfortable for both of us she recomended I have sex with her again. So I did and she never joined us but would sometimes watch us. At first our sex life exploded, she loved it but then jealousy came into the mix and that killed our relationship.
So knowing that I am very carefull with my wife now. She knows my fantasy's and also that if they never come true that its ok. I did have a very good friend for many years that was as close of a friend that I have ever had. Several times he had brought up that when he was younger that he had some relations with other men and liked it. I discussed this with my wife & she told me that if he were to bring it up again that this is definately and opening and told me to relax tell him how I feel and experiment.
The next time I was at his house we drinking and bs'ing and it came up again. Once again I told him that its only natural that he was curious, but this time I added that I envied him for being able to experiment. I also told him that I would love to experiment with him and see what it was like. The look on his face was pure shock. I found out very harshly that what I had mis-interpreted as a opening to bring up sex together was actually him trying to get rid of his guilt and that he was seeking someone to confess to.
We remained friends for a while but we were never close friend again after that night. He also became very judgemental of me after this and this killed our friendship.
Sorry for the long post, I guess what I am trying to say is fantasy's are fine but when actually acting on these fantasy's you have to prepare to face the reality that you can lose those things that you care most deeply about. And sometimes you don't realize hope deeply you care until its gone. Just food for thought.
With that said I have a totally honest relationship with my wife, she knows that I am curious and says that she trusts my judgement. She has told me that if I wanted to experiment (with other guys or gals) that she would support me 100%. (I have be with very few girls & no men) However I have been down this road before with my ex who would say the exact samething. She was very supportive & was only the 2nd woman I had been with. She would tell me that she would love to see me other people, she knew my previous ex (my first) and to see if this was comfortable for both of us she recomended I have sex with her again. So I did and she never joined us but would sometimes watch us. At first our sex life exploded, she loved it but then jealousy came into the mix and that killed our relationship.
So knowing that I am very carefull with my wife now. She knows my fantasy's and also that if they never come true that its ok. I did have a very good friend for many years that was as close of a friend that I have ever had. Several times he had brought up that when he was younger that he had some relations with other men and liked it. I discussed this with my wife & she told me that if he were to bring it up again that this is definately and opening and told me to relax tell him how I feel and experiment.
The next time I was at his house we drinking and bs'ing and it came up again. Once again I told him that its only natural that he was curious, but this time I added that I envied him for being able to experiment. I also told him that I would love to experiment with him and see what it was like. The look on his face was pure shock. I found out very harshly that what I had mis-interpreted as a opening to bring up sex together was actually him trying to get rid of his guilt and that he was seeking someone to confess to.
We remained friends for a while but we were never close friend again after that night. He also became very judgemental of me after this and this killed our friendship.
Sorry for the long post, I guess what I am trying to say is fantasy's are fine but when actually acting on these fantasy's you have to prepare to face the reality that you can lose those things that you care most deeply about. And sometimes you don't realize hope deeply you care until its gone. Just food for thought.
HardNightDay
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Hi Eddie,
Sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like he had some real personal hang ups about his sexuality and was taking it out on your friendship.
I think you make a good point about unintended consequences. I know that when I came out to my ex-wife (that I was bi) suddenly everything I did and said was viewed through that lens...actually the lens was more "he's probably gay, but just afraid to tell me". For a while, for her, it became my defining characteristic. Eventually, she came back around to realize that I was pretty much the same person she thought I was, but it took quite a while.
Sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like he had some real personal hang ups about his sexuality and was taking it out on your friendship.
I think you make a good point about unintended consequences. I know that when I came out to my ex-wife (that I was bi) suddenly everything I did and said was viewed through that lens...actually the lens was more "he's probably gay, but just afraid to tell me". For a while, for her, it became my defining characteristic. Eventually, she came back around to realize that I was pretty much the same person she thought I was, but it took quite a while.
human_male
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I recently found out about a cruise club here in Auckland for gay guys. It's too far away for me but it got me thinking. Maybe there are private clubs or gatherings guys can come to (at private homes) and meet and mingle and see what happens. That would take so much pressure off meeting someone for the first time from a singles website for instance. You just go in, look around and if you don't feel it's your scene or no one takes your fancy you just leave. No fuss.
I have no idea how to find out about that kind of thing though.
I'd love to chat to guys too. I'm in experienced offline but have a very wild online side and love older guys and bears.
I have no idea how to find out about that kind of thing though.
I'd love to chat to guys too. I'm in experienced offline but have a very wild online side and love older guys and bears.
CJontherocks
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Outstanding! I'd stand up and applaud, but there's no on here to hear it. Just knw that I would.
blklthrjkt
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Hope everything is OK in Galveston where you were. The advice given here is outstanding. Also, as someone who has somehow managed to survive through the last few decades, I can tell you that always having safer-sex is not only a good idea, it's THE idea.
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