Fetishes and relationships

[Siberiant]

I recently just broke up with a woman I was seeing for close to 2 years. Breaking up is always sexually frustrating at first, mainly because all those kinky things you worked so hard to get her to do are now out the window hehe.

So my question is, how did all of you bring about your fetishes or sexual desires to new partners? I love face sitting for one, and anal play/analingus- so it was nice to be with someone who would gladly enjoy both with me Hopefully the next will be just as open.

I think it's ultimately harder for a guy to be open about his fetishes because woman tend to be less sexually open-atleast the women I've met. I can't exactly tell a woman to put her ass on my nose after the 3rd date

 

[rimmy]

I recently just broke up with a woman I was seeing for close to 2 years. Breaking up is always sexually frustrating at first, mainly because all those kinky things you worked so hard to get her to do are now out the window hehe.

So my question is, how did all of you bring about your fetishes or sexual desires to new partners? I love face sitting for one, and anal play/analingus- so it was nice to be with someone who would gladly enjoy both with me Hopefully the next will be just as open.

I think it's ultimately harder for a guy to be open about his fetishes because woman tend to be less sexually open-atleast the women I've met. I can't exactly tell a woman to put her ass on my nose after the 3rd date

it's always tough to open up that first time. Patience is the key.

 

[cinnamonstick]

...............

 

[Siberiant]

I guess a comfort level is only achieved after spending X amount of time with eachother.

 

[phoenix1224]

The only way that you'll find out is if you both talk about it... But, DON'T do it while you're both in bed.

Make sure that you're in a non-sexual situation and just bring it up... Tell her that you were hanging out with some of your buddies and the subject of sexual fantasies and fetishes came up. Tell her that it got you to thinking about some of YOUR'S and wondering about some of HER'S.

Then, just admit one of your less 'kinky' fantasies/fetishes and ask her if SHE has any... And then just trade off telling each other... You tell one, she tells one.

And let her know that the two of you don't have to engage in all of them... They're just fantasies, right?

Her knowing all of your 'kinks' just might start her to thinking that she might want to try one or two... Hell, if you're lucky, maybe ALL of them...

 

[Bluewolfcry]

I agree about bringing this up in a non-bedroom atmosphere.

The first couple dates are all abotu getting to know each other. There is nothing wrong with askign questions like,

"What is the kinkiest thing you've ever done?"

"What is something you've always wanted to try in bed?"

etc, etc,

But these questions are best brought up once a comfortable level of conversation has been achieved....

I don't recommend, "Hi I'm Jim, how are you? by the way do you like your asshole played with?"

Usually if a girl is open and talkative about her sex life she is more willing to explore different areas....so if she is very tight lipped about sex, that should be a good indicator about her not so exploring nature sexually!

 

[Mermaid]

I don't recommend, "Hi I'm Jim, how are you? by the way do you like your asshole played with?"

Hmmmm... Works for me all the time!

 

[fntguy]

 

[lisasmurf]

WEB groups

maybe search some special web site
for ppl whom into what you are!

 

[sweetgirl666]

I lost enough guys over time because we did not get along sexually. Which is why I like the internet when I am looking for a fuckbuddy..you can look for exactly what you want.

However, the ideal is for me at least still meeting a guy, bringing up kinks somewhere along the way, find out you both enjoy them and be a happy couple. In a perfect world....

 

[TropicalThundR]

I have always been lucky. Talking with men about sex has never been an issue. I can pretty much talk to anyone about sex. But the key word here is talking....

Make sure you find someone else that listens to what you say and what you want. And someone that you can easily do the same thing too.

 

[Bridget69]

I agree about bringing up the subject of kinks during a casual conversation rather that during the heat of the moment. You don't want to freak your partner out.

 

[tlhInganHom]

It wasn't too hard to bring up my fetishes with my boyfriend after seeing the diversity of his pornogrophy collection. It was sort of an, "Oh, by the way, I'm into that too. ...want to see? "

 

[TropicalThundR]

It wasn't too hard to bring up my fetishes with my boyfriend after seeing the diversity of his pornogrophy collection. It was sort of an, "Oh, by the way, I'm into that too. ...want to see? "

LOL I so agree with that. I think my bf was a little embarrassed at first, until we were going through his porn and I was luck, uh got anything kinkier???

I do believe that broke the ice...

 

[lisasmurf]

bump
trying to remove my emailing of it

 

[BlueSugar]

I've passed by this thread since its birth because I couldn't remember when M and I had the talk about what we were into ... and then I finally remembered that it was in the weeee beginning. I would say little things like 'harder', and he would notice how I reacted when he did certain things, and then maybe w/in the first month we admitted we liked rougher types of sex and play.
M always had an open minded air about him - and he knew I was a little freak... and he could tell me anything, if I didn't already ask him about it first.

I was still figuring out if I was into bdsm or if I just liked rough play and everything else that went along with the lifestyle. As we were dating and I would tell him and he would tell me stories of how and what he has done - and I would do the same. It came out that I loved women, and he wouldn't mind a few extras in bed now and again. From then on I knew we weren't going to have an vanilla relationship.
So, I guess since the beginning we have really learned who we are in and out of bed because both of us were so open in the beginning - and we are so open with sexuality and practices to just because of our personalities.

Before M, I dated R ... which was terrible for me and my libito. I felt like a caged animal because I couldn't admit what I liked - and from sneaking it into conversation through other means (like movies) I knew he wasn't into it at all. I was never fully satisfied. From the end of that relationship I told myself I'd be upfront from the beginning -- and if they can't handle me, then :: shrug :: they don't date me.

Moral of the story: get it out asap, then the fun really begins.

I think one of the best ways to start off the kink convo is asking them what they wouldn't do. Anal is a good place to start. And for the ladies who like their butt's swat here and there try the "would you ever hit a lady?" and if he shakes his head no, ask "what if she asked you to hit her..." coy smile, nod towards the bed. As with the "how do I let out the beast" thread... drag it out of your partner slowly but firmly... talk to them... its wonderful when you're both finally on the same page.

But don't let it out all at once, save stuff for the honeymoon / third date hahaha.

 

[nycphoto]

I have to tell you that I have the same problem. It is very difficult to evolve with a partner and try new things; discover that you like them only to find yourself in a situation. The situation being how do I make my new partner do the same things to me that I like. I am still working out some of them. There is something thought that is magical about a new partner. She might be into some kink that you've never even tried and that is always a great thing. A bounus so to say.
Good luck to you, as I am in the same boat.

 

[Ucellis]

Humm I agree with Blue. Get it out quickly.. I made that mistake and we ended up having a 'talk' last week..
Truthfully that went very well considering a post I made earlier that week. I can feel that I can take back a bit of what I said because he seems more open minded.. yet not understanding. So Ive got some work ahead of me to teach em.. which can be fun if I do it the right way