Feedback

[anotherguyfromsweden]

I'd really like some feedback from someone, anyone actually. I think it's quite clear that I'm not very good, and I'd like some tips. Or if you just wanna say how you like it, that'd be awesome too.

My stuff can either be found at my memberpage (and the stupid picture will be replaced shortly) or at:

1. http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=199179

2. http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=200755

3. http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=201127

4. http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=201133

Even just one reply would make me so happy I could dance, AGfS

 

[WickedEve]

Really good ending on the crying beauty poem:

I’m too stunned to move
I always thought
Crying women were the most beautiful
To me

 

[Guest]

Really good ending on the crying beauty poem:

I’m too stunned to move
I always thought
Crying women were the most beautiful
To me

My favourite of the four.

It's so hard to fairly critique poems written in a second language, just as it must be hard to write well in a language other than the mother-tongue.

The more freestyle of Crying Beauty seems to suit you better than rhyme. Perhaps try converting the others. There are words in all that I would discard and some shortning of others I would not have used.

A couple read like song lyrics - which isn't a bad thing at all.

Well done. Give us more AGFS.

 

[anotherguyfromsweden]

A couple read like song lyrics - which isn't a bad thing at all.

What I actually write is rocksongs for my little band, hence the contractions.