Feedback very much appreciated for 2011 Halloween Contest Entry

[Awful Arthur]

Linked is my 2011 Halloween Contest Entry,Halloween Masquerade. It did not score very highly and I would very much like your opinions.

Thanks in advance,
Awful Arthur

 

[Bramblethorn]

Linked is my 2011 Halloween Contest Entry,Halloween Masquerade. It did not score very highly and I would very much like your opinions.

Thanks in advance,
Awful Arthur

4.39 isn't awful. The technical aspects are fine and the storytelling technique is decent. It telegraphs some of the twists a bit, but that's not a big issue.

For me, what knocked it down from a 5 to a 4 was the ending. You were telling an interesting story about two people who were having a good time together despite their previous history, and then it turned into revenge porn. While there are plenty of readers who like seeing women humiliated and put in their place, I think most of them hang out on LW or NC; it's not the sort of thing I'd look for in EC.

 

[Awful Arthur]

4.39 isn't awful. The technical aspects are fine and the storytelling technique is decent. It telegraphs some of the twists a bit, but that's not a big issue.

For me, what knocked it down from a 5 to a 4 was the ending. You were telling an interesting story about two people who were having a good time together despite their previous history, and then it turned into revenge porn. While there are plenty of readers who like seeing women humiliated and put in their place, I think most of them hang out on LW or NC; it's not the sort of thing I'd look for in EC.

Thanks, Bramblethorn. I really appreciate your taking the time to read my story and for sharing your opinions. You've been very helpful. If I can return the favor sometime, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Keith/AA