Assman5730
Virgin
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- Jul 28, 2022
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- 33
[This forum is for feedback on stories approved and posted on Literotica. Use Editor's Forum for unpublished drafts.]
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yukonnights
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 15, 2007
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There's no way to say this other than being truthful; This has numerous problems and it's doubtful it will be approved for publication.
1. The word count is about 604. One average page on Literotica is over 3000 words. Thus, you have about one paragraph here.
2. You have no paragraph breaks. Each change of POV (who's doing the talking) needs to have a paragraph break.
3. There isn't really a full story here. It is more of an initial scene where the characters become acquainted and jump into bed.
My advice would be that you think bigger on the story arc — where it starts and where it goes. Try to round out the characters beyond the sex. Also, I think you'd gain a lot of insight if you'd read some of Literotica's higher rated stories to see how those authors develop a quality story. Paying attention to how they do paragraphs, dialogue, building a crisis moment for the characters, and how the story resolution and ending brings things to a conclusion.
1. The word count is about 604. One average page on Literotica is over 3000 words. Thus, you have about one paragraph here.
2. You have no paragraph breaks. Each change of POV (who's doing the talking) needs to have a paragraph break.
3. There isn't really a full story here. It is more of an initial scene where the characters become acquainted and jump into bed.
My advice would be that you think bigger on the story arc — where it starts and where it goes. Try to round out the characters beyond the sex. Also, I think you'd gain a lot of insight if you'd read some of Literotica's higher rated stories to see how those authors develop a quality story. Paying attention to how they do paragraphs, dialogue, building a crisis moment for the characters, and how the story resolution and ending brings things to a conclusion.
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