Feedback Requested on First Chapter of CFNM Humiliation Story

[Sinisterotica20001]

Hi everyone,

I took a stab at a CFNM story, and I'd love some feedback. I have received a few comments already telling me to move more quickly from the teasing to action stage, although I actually like the kinky buildup and sort of consider it action.

https://www.literotica.com/s/slave-to-my-older-sisters-ch-01

I've submitted chapters 2 and 3 for publishing and hope they'll be accepted and published soon. Chapter 2 is a bit like 1, and 3 gets a lot more hardcore. I think I'm going to write one more then end it.

If CFNM humiliation and incest aren't your thing, you may want to skip it.

In any case, I'm open to hearing constructive criticism.

Thank you.

 

[Maeven_quinn]

As a quick disclaimer, incest is usually a hard stop for me. So I only skimmed the story to begin.

Right now, the story doesn't have a lot of set up. There's no blackmail here. The narrator tells the reader the sisters have blackmail. That's it. No description of what it is. No hint. No teaser for what it might be. No evocations of how mortified and humiliated he feels knowing they have something on him.

Consequently, I'm not engaged in that aspect of the story, and I do enjoy a little blackmail fantasy now and then.