Feedback Request: Her Forest Bloom

[anthrodisiac]

Heyo, me showing up hat in talons to politely request feedback on my latest story: Her Forest Bloom. It's about a forest spirit giving a dying trans woman the chance to be cured and have her body finally align with her spirit.

The comments have been positive, but it's receiving more mixed reviews in the score. Since I did a few things differently for this one, I'm curious if there's something in particular that might be contributing to that.

• I put it in Transgender, a category that isn't one of the Big Three for non-human stories (Non-Human, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Erotic Horror)
• The prose is more flowery than my normal style
• It's my shortest non-750 story (6k)
• It's the first transformation story I've written in almost 15 years

I appreciate any and all feedback and critiques. Thanks

 

[Duil2]

Heyo, me showing up hat in talons to politely request feedback on my latest story: Her Forest Bloom. It's about a forest spirit giving a dying trans woman the chance to be cured and have her body finally align with her spirit.

The comments have been positive, but it's receiving more mixed reviews in the score. Since I did a few things differently for this one, I'm curious if there's something in particular that might be contributing to that.

• I put it in Transgender, a category that isn't one of the Big Three for non-human stories (Non-Human, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Erotic Horror)
• The prose is more flowery than my normal style
• It's my shortest non-750 story (6k)
• It's the first transformation story I've written in almost 15 years

I appreciate any and all feedback and critiques. Thanks

Hi,
While I feel a bit underqualified to give you feedback, because you're obviously a very talented writer and a master when it comes to giving feedback, my motto is 'ask and thou shalt receive' (within reason) so here goes. Make of it what you will, but I hope it's useful.
I've taken the four points you've made and responded.

• I put it in Transgender, a category that isn't one of the Big Three for non-human stories (Non-Human, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Erotic Horror)
  • In my opinion this is likely the cause of any down voting. The story has such a strong Fantasy feeling that its natural home probably would have been that category. It may also be the fact that while the struggle of the main character was still basically about being born in to the wrong body for the gender they felt they should be, when they became 'their true self' they weren't even human. This is quite a divergence from what I believe would be the usual identity positions of male/female/neutral associated with Transgender. It's possible that this didn't appeal to those who like this category and its usual rules of engagement.
• The prose is more flowery than my normal style
  • It may be more 'flowery' prose, and excuse my tongue in cheek response here, but she is about to become part of the forest and a deer person, so 'flowery' would be the order of the day. For me, without this type of prose you likely wouldn't have achieved the mood and tone of the story which I thought was perfect. You balanced it well and it never became difficult to read or follow, although I will admit to some words making me stop and think for their meaning, but they were always spot on. My pet peeve is repetition to the point of an obsession I fear, and so I had begun to write here about where I thought that had happened in the story. I then went back to try to find examples of it, and to my surprise, I realized that the instances I had in my mind were actually a repetition of an image, rather than a repetition of the words used to describe said image. E.G. 'her skinny backside', 'her bony butt'. They conjure the same image but you didn't use the same description. I've never experienced that before, but it left an impression so perhaps it's still worth noting.
• It's my shortest non-750 story (6k)
  • I feel the length was perfect as otherwise the transformation would have been dragged out or perhaps the preamble before the transformation. It ended in a natural break and, as desired I'm sure, left me wanting more, but not necessarily immediately as there had been quite a bit to process both in terms of imagery and emotion. This is definitely a case of less is more. You tackled so many tough subjects but I don't feel like you diminished any of them by being a little more brief than normal.
• It's the first transformation story I've written in almost 15 years
  • Not having read what you wrote 15 years ago and so not being able to compare, I can't really comment except to say, that I would imagine your writing skill and life experiences in those years set you up to handle this subject well.

I know you've written in your review thread before that you don't want to just stroke someone's ego when giving feedback. I know my feedback above has been mainly positive, but please believe me when I say that ego stroking ( or any other kind of stroking) was not what I was doing here. This is my honest opinion, and while I'm sure there were minor items that might have been done differently by another author, I haven't found any glaring fault with this story, which I think is borne out by the overall scoring it has received.
Maybe people were looking for 'more sex' or 'some sex' but, as discussed before, what's erotic and not erotic is very subjective to each individual and so you'll never please all of the people all of the time... isn't that what they say?
I hope this was a little helpful.

 

[anthrodisiac]

While I feel a bit underqualified to give you feedback, because you're obviously a very talented writer and a master when it comes to giving feedback, my motto is 'ask and thou shalt receive' (within reason) so here goes.

I legitimately believe nobody is "underqualified" to give feedback. People have different levels of experience with giving feedback, but you're perfectly qualified and capable, and this was wonderful feedback, thank you!

I try to put stories in categories where the main theme aligns. It's funny, I didn't really see this as that much of a fantasy piece. I also wanted to expand out to some of the categories that don't normally get non-human, just to expose more people to it. I knew it was a risk going in, I guess I shouldn't be overly surprised that some people wouldn't like having their TF/TG "ruined" by having her turn anthro as well.

You absolutely hit the nail on the head about why I chose to write it more flowery. The tone and emotion almost required it to be a gentler, more flowy, flowerier type of prose. It's just not a style I normally write in, but I do believe in tailoring style to the feel of a story, even in third person. Also, you make a good point about the pseudo-repetition.

Thanks for your feedback

 

[AStrangeDesire]

I just read it and also guess that it's in the 'wrong' category. Wrong as in, different than what people may typically expect.

Specific feedback, from someone who's a novice writer, but a long time reader:
To expand on the category comment above. My criteria is comparing this stories writing against the other 3 stories of yours I've read, and while the writing certainly is more flowery, I'd say it was of the same quality.

Funny aside: I had to look up 'enervated' which stopped my flow, and shortly after you misspelled 'asked' and I searched for what 'sked' might mean, which then made me feel silly because of course the 'a' had just been missed. I'm trying to illustrate how having to go look up a word impacted my reading, not in a critical way, but because I'm trying to actually pay close attention.

So, writing and flow seemed on par with other things of yours I've read; I think the length was spot on, it ended when it should. Longer would be too much. The anthro thing isn't my fetish, but I don't mind reading about it, so that didn't detract either.

I kept coming back to how people who read TG regularly might feel and I'm hoping that will be answered by people who spend time successfully writing in that category, or regularly read TG stories.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I just read it and also guess that it's in the 'wrong' category. Wrong as in, different than what people may typically expect.

Specific feedback, from someone who's a novice writer, but a long time reader:
To expand on the category comment above. My criteria is comparing this stories writing against the other 3 stories of yours I've read, and while the writing certainly is more flowery, I'd say it was of the same quality.

Funny aside: I had to look up 'enervated' which stopped my flow, and shortly after you misspelled 'asked' and I searched for what 'sked' might mean, which then made me feel silly because of course the 'a' had just been missed. I'm trying to illustrate how having to go look up a word impacted my reading, not in a critical way, but because I'm trying to actually pay close attention.

So, writing and flow seemed on par with other things of yours I've read; I think the length was spot on, it ended when it should. Longer would be too much. The anthro thing isn't my fetish, but I don't mind reading about it, so that didn't detract either.

I kept coming back to how people who read TG regularly might feel and I'm hoping that will be answered by people who spend time successfully writing in that category, or regularly read TG stories.

Ooph, "sked." No idea how that got through. It's funny, it's correct in my rough draft, but not the final draft Damn copy/paste moving around nonsense.

"Enervated" is a great example of why I tend not to use more highfalutin language in my stories. I believe writing should be invisible; toss in big words like that and people either don't understand or have to go look it up, and in either case you lose immersion. But I was trying something new, and it was exactly the word I wanted. Nice to be able to prove my own writing theories

Aaaaand here I am, teaching on my own damn feedback thread...

In any event, thank you so much for your feedback

 

[Duil2]

Ooph, "sked." No idea how that got through. It's funny, it's correct in my rough draft, but not the final draft Damn copy/paste moving around nonsense.

"Enervated" is a great example of why I tend not to use more highfalutin language in my stories. I believe writing should be invisible; toss in big words like that and people either don't understand or have to go look it up, and in either case you lose immersion. But I was trying something new, and it was exactly the word I wanted. Nice to be able to prove my own writing theories

Aaaaand here I am, teaching on my own damn feedback thread...

In any event, thank you so much for your feedback

Every day's a school day - even for the teachers

 

[anthrodisiac]

Every day's a school day - even for the teachers

The urge to break down one of my stories for a detailed teaching analysis is very strong right now. Maybe I should set aside my current WIP and polish up my implicit cues essay, since I have some inkling of impetus stirring within my breast. Might help with this ginormous apathy toward doing any writing I'm currently struggling with.

If nothing else, I'll gave put out something that can be instructive to other people, and I'll have published something instead of plinking away and rewriting because nothing feels right. Might as well be useful in my ennui, non?

 

[Duil2]

The urge to break down one of my stories for a detailed teaching analysis is very strong right now. Maybe I should set aside my current WIP and polish up my implicit cues essay, since I have some inkling of impetus stirring within my breast. Might help with this ginormous apathy toward doing any writing I'm currently struggling with.

If nothing else, I'll gave put out something that can be instructive to other people, and I'll have published something instead of plinking away and rewriting because nothing feels right. Might as well be useful in my ennui, non?

Well, the way I see it all writing/editing etc is still honing our craft and if you can also produce something useful to others then I'd take that as a win/win.
Nothing worse than tipping away at a project you're not enthusiastic for at the moment and producing nothing - for me that just opens up a spiral down as the non-productive time makes be feel bad, which makes me non-productive, and on we go.
I'd certainly read a How To or some such from you, based on the past feedback I've seen you give.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Well, the way I see it all writing/editing etc is still honing our craft and if you can also produce something useful to others then I'd take that as a win/win.
Nothing worse than tipping away at a project you're not enthusiastic for at the moment and producing nothing - for me that just opens up a spiral down as the non-productive time makes be feel bad, which makes me non-productive, and on we go.
I'd certainly read a How To or some such from you, based on the past feedback I've seen you give.

Yeah, it's miserable for me, because I'm used to being able to get out 1k - 2k an hour, so taking all day to do 500 words is absolute misery; really drains morale. So I spend more time trying to help out people here, put my skills to use in service of others, rather than stagnating as I clunk out lukewarm garbage that I end up rewriting ten times before scrapping it altogether. But I've enjoyed being in more of a mentor role to some people on here, helping shed light on things, etc. Reminds me of the old days when I had honest-to-God mentees under my wing, and I was giving tons of feedback to hone people's skills. I missed that, and I'm glad I'm able to provide some of that here, even if it's just drips and drabs.

That, and not shutting up about implicit cues. All the more reason to publish that essay, so I can just point people to it instead of rehashing what I'm sure a lot of people here are sick of me talking about by now

I do have an idea to do a series, because the first essay is primarily implicit tension, and that's just one use case. But we'll see how it goes. If people are interested, I might go full series with it, a couple times a year maybe, getting people to submit a few paragraphs for me to rewrite for implicit effects.

 

[Duil2]

Yeah, it's miserable for me, because I'm used to being able to get out 1k - 2k an hour, so taking all day to do 500 words is absolute misery; really drains morale. So I spend more time trying to help out people here, put my skills to use in service of others, rather than stagnating as I clunk out lukewarm garbage that I end up rewriting ten times before scrapping it altogether. But I've enjoyed being in more of a mentor role to some people on here, helping shed light on things, etc. Reminds me of the old days when I had honest-to-God mentees under my wing, and I was giving tons of feedback to hone people's skills. I missed that, and I'm glad I'm able to provide some of that here, even if it's just drips and drabs.

That, and not shutting up about implicit cues. All the more reason to publish that essay, so I can just point people to it instead of rehashing what I'm sure a lot of people here are sick of me talking about by now

I do have an idea to do a series, because the first essay is primarily implicit tension, and that's just one use case. But we'll see how it goes. If people are interested, I might go full series with it, a couple times a year maybe, getting people to submit a few paragraphs for me to rewrite for implicit effects.

I'd say go for it. That way we can all look clever as we take the 'implicit cues' and ease the 'implicit tension' as we copy and paste links to your series of essays. I think I might have mentioned that I know jack shit, which is why I keep repeating that every day is a school day... in my world at least.

 

[AStrangeDesire]

Ooph, "sked." No idea how that got through. It's funny, it's correct in my rough draft, but not the final draft Damn copy/paste moving around nonsense.

"Enervated" is a great example of why I tend not to use more highfalutin language in my stories. I believe writing should be invisible; toss in big words like that and people either don't understand or have to go look it up, and in either case you lose immersion. But I was trying something new, and it was exactly the word I wanted. Nice to be able to prove my own writing theories

Aaaaand here I am, teaching on my own damn feedback thread...

In any event, thank you so much for your feedback

The funny thing is, I almost didn't add the 'aside' but that's what you seemed to get the most out of

 

[StillStunned]

The urge to break down one of my stories for a detailed teaching analysis is very strong right now. Maybe I should set aside my current WIP and polish up my implicit cues essay, since I have some inkling of impetus stirring within my breast. Might help with this ginormous apathy toward doing any writing I'm currently struggling with.

If nothing else, I'll gave put out something that can be instructive to other people, and I'll have published something instead of plinking away and rewriting because nothing feels right. Might as well be useful in my ennui, non?

This is how WIWAWs originated, with What I wrote and why: Fairytale of New York. I thought it would be interesting to explain my process, not just story-wise, but writing-wise too.

 

[JojoLea]

Hi anthrodesiac! It's an interesting story. I've not read the story's comments yet, wanting to read the story and write my own thoughts here first. I did see in this thread your own thoughts on words such as enervated; you're writing to yourself and to me and I appreciate the respect!

It's a transgender story of transformation, though the title and description in the Transgender group suggests something unusual. I certainly empathized with the hero through her journey, following a path to an outcome not entirely expected.

It's easy and boring to have everyone write the same m2f story: woman is born in a man's body; woman is transformed into her proper body. The setting and general circumstances may change, but in the end it's a body change. Here you've taken a different approach. You've created your own mythos, your own world. The transformation is worth discovering.

Will the typical Transgender category reader respond positively? Dunno. The reader who wants to see a normal m2f story may not read through the entire tale. Still, this is refreshingly different, and that's a good thing.

Btw, dear reader, this and the one above are intended.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Hi anthrodesiac! It's an interesting story. I've not read the story's comments yet, wanting to read the story and write my own thoughts here first. I did see in this thread your own thoughts on words such as enervated; you're writing to yourself and to me and I appreciate the respect!

It's a transgender story of transformation, though the title and description in the Transgender group suggests something unusual. I certainly empathized with the hero through her journey, following a path to an outcome not entirely expected.

It's easy and boring to have everyone write the same m2f story: woman is born in a man's body; woman is transformed into her proper body. The setting and general circumstances may change, but in the end it's a body change. Here you've taken a different approach. You've created your own mythos, your own world. The transformation is worth discovering.

Will the typical Transgender category reader respond positively? Dunno. The reader who wants to see a normal m2f story may not read through the entire tale. Still, this is refreshingly different, and that's a good thing.

Btw, dear reader, this and the one above are intended.

Thank you, I really appreciate such kind feedback

 

[OldKenDoll]

Heyo, me showing up hat in talons to politely request feedback on my latest story: Her Forest Bloom. It's about a forest spirit giving a dying trans woman the chance to be cured and have her body finally align with her spirit.

The comments have been positive, but it's receiving more mixed reviews in the score. Since I did a few things differently for this one, I'm curious if there's something in particular that might be contributing to that.

• I put it in Transgender, a category that isn't one of the Big Three for non-human stories (Non-Human, Sci-Fi & Fantasy, Erotic Horror)
• The prose is more flowery than my normal style
• It's my shortest non-750 story (6k)
• It's the first transformation story I've written in almost 15 years

I appreciate any and all feedback and critiques. Thanks

Read it just now. The prose works for me … "enervated" was the right word and I won't hear otherwise. ("Petrichor" sent me to the dictionary too, mind, but that one I really should have known.)

On the category question, which I think is the real one: Transgender readers come looking for a particular shape of recognition story, the cis-feminine ending. The dryad and the deer-form aren't on the menu they were expecting, even though within the story those things ARE the body-spirit alignment that the category is fundamentally about. Bear in mind that I’m not transgender myself so I may just be talking out my plastic butt.

You've written a deeply TG story whose point is that "what you were meant to be" doesn't have to look like a cis woman, and that proposition may be unacceptable for the readers that came for something else. Non-Human or Erotic Horror would have given you readers who don't mind that the alignment isn't human. That’s a different conversation, possibly fairer to the story, but loses the provocation in the placement you chose. So I don't think Transgender was wrong, exactly. I think it's costing you votes on purpose, and the question is whether the trade was worth it.

(Personal view: yes.)

Other thing worth flagging is the author's note. Stories that announce "no sex in this story" tend to cap their ratings anywhere on the site. Readers turning up to an erotic site partly vote on whether they got off, and a chaste mythic-register piece can't compete on those numbers with explicit content even when its craft is operating at a higher level. 4.46 might be the ceiling for this story in any erotic category, not a failure of the work.

Length at 6k felt exactly right to me. Any longer and Senavi's cryptic mode would have soured; any shorter and the cancer setup couldn't have landed.

(Said by a 65-year-old plastic man who is also out of breath from a very short hike, so take with the relevant grain of salt.)

 

[AlinaX]

A minor thing, no more than a coincidence, but it's funny what distracts sometimes: Five consecutive paragraphs beginning with the letter 'A'.

Well written and good use of language. Much as I generally enjoy transformation stories, I lost interest here at the end; I guess the anthro aspects don't really resonate with me.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Agonising over the "best" category for a story like this sort of misses the point, for me. Some stories simply don't "fit" the traditional Lit categories, because they sit with delicacy and grace in a place of their own. Category reception is meaningless, under these circumstances. It's the quality of writing that matters, and in this instance, that shines regardless of the label you've pinned to the collar.

Probably, possibly, though, it would have run just as well in Sci-Fi and Fantasy, simply because of the transformation, which is mystical, magical.

I guess these days, it's logical to think, yep, Transgender. Eight years ago, when I wrote a not dissimilar transformation story, the logical place for me to put it was Sci-Fi and Fantasy, because the fantastic was the dominant theme.

Songs of Seduction - Water

(I'm riding on the back of your thread, because if readers like your story, they might also like mine. Hope you don't mind )

 

[AlinaX]

Songs of Seduction - Water

Mmm... succulent... oh! Like the plants. Right.

 

[PennyThompson]

IMO, this story deserves to be in Transgender more than the more fetishized Futanari type stories.

(Which is why I never felt comfortable putting the Adventures of Penny stories in TG, though they very well might have gotten more views there!)

Which doesn't mean it won't get some negative votes, I think there's a significant number of category readers who are more interested in the fetishy aspects of the category than they are in a more emotionally genuine trans experience, even if it's fantastical or metaphorical or dreamlike...

I dunno I thought it was beautiful, I left a comment and five stars

 

[anthrodisiac]

I'm humbled by everyone's response to this. I hadn't expected much feedback, and it's just been...

It means a lot, thank you all so much.