Feedback please on "Noturnal Emissions"

[christcat69]

OK I haven't figured out how to put the url for my stories in yet so bare with me guys. I desperately seek some feedback on this story. It got hit about 3500 times now and only 7 people have actually voted on it. Please read it and let me know what you think. Thanks guys!

 

[The_old_man]

A bit of help finding the story please.

What catagory is it in?

 

[abashed-dreamer]

The address:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=42038

CC69;

Well, it's pretty brief, a sketch.
To be frank, it seems dashed off. (which may connect to the lack of votes). And if so, taking some time to flesh things out would help the reader. Of course, you could just condense it into a poem, and maybe that's what you did.

Seems a little rough at the beginning, then heats up very briefly toward the end. It moves from romance to 'raunch', but you can write good raunch, I think.

There is some relation of the poem to the story, but I'm not sure they belong together like that, unless, perhaps you have the
girl write the poem before going to sleep, or something like that.

 

[christcat69]

Thank you

Thanks to everyone who read my story and replied ( and/ or masterbated ). I feel much better now that I have the feedback. This story is one of my first and I guess the character Raven is myself ( fantasy me ). I know switched back and forth alot from past to present but I'm working on it. Overall, I'm happy I received the feedback I did and I know it will help me and encourage me to write more.

...and thank you for posting the url for me. I'm not very good with computers.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory/.php?id=42038