feedback for I'm Not Going

[JonB1969]

Hey, everyone -

I recently posted this new story and I'd like some additional feedback on it. You can post or send anonymous feedback.

BTW, it's in the Interracial Love category, Black woman with White man.

Thanks so much.

http://www.literotica.com/s/im-not-going

 

[elfin_odalisque]

It's nice to see an interracial story which dwells on the cultural prejudices a black family has when their daughter has a white b/f rather than the stereotyped black dude approach.

However,the story lacks tension, in my opinion. You don't really explore the conflict she has in loving her b/f and struggling with family/church relations. In the end it comes down to a simple sex scene.

As you do, a lot of writing in first person confuses the author with the protagonist. When you write, " some of you may think that I should be..." you conflate the writer with the character, have him talking to the readers and confusing tenses. Again, "I guess I should mention ...", is a lazy way of raising the race issue and confuses the POV with the author.

I think your plot bunny is great but you could do more with the interreaction.