Feedback for First Erotica: "A Faraway Shore" (Lesbian) X-Posted

[IoTheNymph]

I cross-posted this in the general story discussion thrad, but I'm hoping to get feedback from other writers here. I'm 25 years old and this is my first ever piece of erotica and it's part one of a two-part story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=401558

Hit me!

 

[Vermilion]

I cross-posted this in the general story discussion thrad, but I'm hoping to get feedback from other writers here. I'm 25 years old and this is my first ever piece of erotica and it's part one of a two-part story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=401558

Hit me!

Try the Story feedback forum!

 

[IoTheNymph]

Try the Story feedback forum!

Thanks! It's x-posted there.