Fear and Sex

[dr_mabeuse]

Is there fear in sex? Aside from having your willy laughed at, I mean.

A lot of us play with fear in our stories. What is it our characters are afraid of?

 

[EnglishMuffin]

Foreplay using snakes and spiders?

 

[The_Darkness]

Is there fear in sex? Aside from having your willy laughed at, I mean.

A lot of us play with fear in our stories. What is it our characters are afraid of?

I don't fear much in real life, so my characters tend to not fear much.

The exceptions to this is the fear of getting caught....which usually rapidly diminishes in the "plot" as it is...or the fear of rejection.

 

[The_Darkness]

Foreplay using snakes and spiders?

Kinky and dirty. I'm begining to like you English women

 

[Guest]

Kinky and dirty. I'm begining to like you English women

Your av looks kind of like an abstruct Roman solder cum duck anime.

How a chicken kinky?

 

[The_Darkness]

Your av looks kind of like an abstruct Roman solder cum duck anime.

How a chicken kinky?

Svet, if you can't figure that out, consider yourself a better and less perverted person than I am.

 

[impressive]

Is there fear in sex? Aside from having your willy laughed at, I mean.

A lot of us play with fear in our stories. What is it our characters are afraid of?

Rejection. It's not so much DURING sex, but in the build up & aftermath.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I was just wondring, does anyone else ever have the fear of just losing themself in the beloved? Not in actuality, but of giving so much of yourself that you don't quite get everything back?

Have you ever loved or wanted someone so intenely it scared you?

I've been dealing with some pretty extreme stuff in some recent stories, and I'm at the point where I can understand the connection between sex and death, and it's more than "I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" or just academic bullshit.

The urge to surrender to and fuse with someone to the extent that you lose your autonomy and identity. Loss of autonomy and control = death, at least symbolically. The desire to be blood-close to someone. It seems to happen at the extreme end of desire.

You get in religion, where people give themselves up to God or die and are reborn in the spirit. Why couldn't it happen in human love too?

 

[TheEarl]

I was just wondring, does anyone else ever have the fear of just losing themself in the beloved? Not in actuality, but of giving so much of yourself that you don't quite get everything back?

Have you ever loved or wanted someone so intenely it scared you?

I've been dealing with some pretty extreme stuff in some recent stories, and I'm at the point where I can understand the connection between sex and death, and it's more than "I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" or just academic bullshit.

The urge to surrender to and fuse with someone to the extent that you lose your autonomy and identity. Loss of autonomy and control = death, at least symbolically. The desire to be blood-close to someone. It seems to happen at the extreme end of desire.

You get in religion, where people give themselves up to God or die and are reborn in the spirit. Why couldn't it happen in human love too?

It happens. Can't say it was scary though.

The Earl

 

[The_Darkness]

I was just wondring, does anyone else ever have the fear of just losing themself in the beloved? Not in actuality, but of giving so much of yourself that you don't quite get everything back?

Have you ever loved or wanted someone so intenely it scared you?

I've been dealing with some pretty extreme stuff in some recent stories, and I'm at the point where I can understand the connection between sex and death, and it's more than "I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" or just academic bullshit.

The urge to surrender to and fuse with someone to the extent that you lose your autonomy and identity. Loss of autonomy and control = death, at least symbolically. The desire to be blood-close to someone. It seems to happen at the extreme end of desire.

You get in religion, where people give themselves up to God or die and are reborn in the spirit. Why couldn't it happen in human love too?

I know what you're saying, and some people just aren't capable of that type of...feeling...for lack of a better word. It's not that they're emotionally stunted, by any means, it's that they're psychologically incapable of losing themselves that far into any one thing or person.

My fiancee started spouting off kinda like that a couple of months ago. I make sure she spends time away from me when the opportunity presents itself, and it's not because I don't like being around her...hell, I'm gonna marry the girl...it's because I don't want her self-identification to be changed so much by our relationship that she disappears completely on some psychological level. If something were to happen to me, I want there to be something of her left so that her life can go on. If I'm not around, I want her to be able to go out and do things that are fun for her, instead of moping around the house, wishing I was there.

That deep loss of self where one can make the connection between death and love can be a very dangerous drop. That drop is why some people never fall in love in the first place; because they won't let themselves surrender that much of their being into one person. Also, it has been noted in the circles that I run in that nobody seems to fall as hard or as far in love with anyone after their first love. Of course, most of us were horribly jaded by that first love, that or they married their first loves and are either happy as ever or divorced by now. But I digress.

I don't know if it's scary that people fall that hard that their entire self-image and self-worth changes to be wrapped up in devotion to one person, or as mentioned before, a religion. I think it's more of a psychological issue that they have low self-esteem or some slight problem that they begin to feel that they are nothing without the object of their love. That type of loss of self may even be normal, and us folks that don't ever fall that far might be the ones who are a little off in the head, I don't know.

I do think it's a bad thing to feel that type of deep association, even in love. Loving with all our hearts, minds, and souls, is one thing, but sacrificing our minds and hearts for that love can be very dangerous....and that's where the other aspect of the love=death comes to play....what happens when that love changes?

 

[impressive]

I was just wondring, does anyone else ever have the fear of just losing themself in the beloved? Not in actuality, but of giving so much of yourself that you don't quite get everything back?

Have you ever loved or wanted someone so intenely it scared you?

I've been dealing with some pretty extreme stuff in some recent stories, and I'm at the point where I can understand the connection between sex and death, and it's more than "I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" or just academic bullshit.

The urge to surrender to and fuse with someone to the extent that you lose your autonomy and identity. Loss of autonomy and control = death, at least symbolically. The desire to be blood-close to someone. It seems to happen at the extreme end of desire.

You get in religion, where people give themselves up to God or die and are reborn in the spirit. Why couldn't it happen in human love too?

Yes -- I could (and would) surrender that completely.

But there's another side -- almost the OTHER side -- of that intensity. It's like coming through the desire tunnel into the light on the other side: the physical desire becomes secondary (and perhaps even irrelevant) to the purity of the bond. I'm not saying it's an easy journey, but I believe that the destination exists. I've glimpsed that light. I'll let you know if I ever reach the end of the tunnel.

 

[velvetpie]

On the most basic level, I would think that a character would be afraid of a lack of knowledge. People fuck all the time but I've only learned different sexual things when I was involved in a relationship. I've been married for 18 years and have learned more in those 18 years than my entire life and have tried more new things as well.

No guy wants to have someone laugh at his tiny dick and no girl wants to be known as a dead fuck.

 

[TheEarl]

On the most basic level, I would think that a character would be afraid of a lack of knowledge. People fuck all the time but I've only learned different sexual things when I was involved in a relationship. I've been married for 18 years and have learned more in those 18 years than my entire life and have tried more new things as well.

No guy wants to have someone laugh at his tiny dick and no girl wants to be known as a dead fuck.

Seconded. There's a lot of fear of screwing up.

The Earl

 

[Boota]

There is plenty to fear about sex, but somehow we all seem to keep going.

It is a very real possibility that when you give of yourself that you might not get as much back. That is a huge leap of faith for a person to take, counting on someone else to return your investment in them. As stories go there is a huge well of emotion to draw from regardless of whether the "committment" is returned or not. The leap is the story moreso than the landing.

Myself, I am obsessed with the connection between sex and death (fear). I did a whole album where every subject was sex, death, or both. I tend to shy away from love songs where the love went right because it's just not as interesting to me.

 

[cantdog]

I go through my daily life surrounded by women. Married, a daughter, my boss at work is a woman and a Baptist pastor. Their friends are mostly women. I build a certain idea of women, how they talk, their co-worker styles, the emphasis they give things that men don't give them.

You'd think that women would begin to lose the ability to amaze the way they once did. A marriage of thrty-three years, and raising a twenty-nine year-old woman from infancy-- shouldn't this give you an idea what to expect?

But then, she may reach behind her head to pull back hair, turn her head and the neck stretches, the shoulder drops as she adjusts a hem or a shoe strap. Just a little move, natural as breathing, but so pretty! So classically graceful, so harmonious and balanced. Girls go along and act like they normally do, and then they do such pretty stuff, all unconsciously, that it clashes your heart like a cymbal, rips the breath from your chest. Heartbreaking beauty.

At moments like that, yes. Adoration can be that intense.

 

[AppleBiter]

I was just wondring, does anyone else ever have the fear of just losing themself in the beloved? Not in actuality, but of giving so much of yourself that you don't quite get everything back?

Have you ever loved or wanted someone so intenely it scared you?

I've been dealing with some pretty extreme stuff in some recent stories, and I'm at the point where I can understand the connection between sex and death, and it's more than "I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" or just academic bullshit.

The urge to surrender to and fuse with someone to the extent that you lose your autonomy and identity. Loss of autonomy and control = death, at least symbolically. The desire to be blood-close to someone. It seems to happen at the extreme end of desire.

You get in religion, where people give themselves up to God or die and are reborn in the spirit. Why couldn't it happen in human love too?

I don't fear losing myself to him because I give myself to him completely all the time (though I'm a sub, so this may be atypical). Before I became a sub, I was also not afraid because, well, difficult as it is to explain . . . he is everything I love about being alive. Therefore, trusting him with every part of me felt natural. The way I see it, though, we were always two souls fused together, even before we were born. So, it's really not a question of me losing myself, but finding the rest of me.

Hope that made sense!

AppleBiter

 

[impressive]

So, it's really not a question of me losing myself, but finding the rest of me.

Hope that made sense!

AppleBiter

It does to me.

 

[CharleyH]

I am working on a story where the fear is a definate loss of control to emotion, rather than another person, though the other person is the catalyst. So loss to emotion is a fear for that character. To her, it's more fear in experiencing the self in a raw state, before all the expectations, the walls, and boundaries that we spend a lifetime building ... she actually knows herself intimately through this experince of sex with another person ... gaining autonomy can be as scary as a loss of autonomy.

I was just wondring, does anyone else ever have the fear of just losing themself in the beloved? Not in actuality, but of giving so much of yourself that you don't quite get everything back?

Have you ever loved or wanted someone so intenely it scared you?

I've been dealing with some pretty extreme stuff in some recent stories, and I'm at the point where I can understand the connection between sex and death, and it's more than "I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" or just academic bullshit.

The urge to surrender to and fuse with someone to the extent that you lose your autonomy and identity. Loss of autonomy and control = death, at least symbolically. The desire to be blood-close to someone. It seems to happen at the extreme end of desire.

You get in religion, where people give themselves up to God or die and are reborn in the spirit. Why couldn't it happen in human love too?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Yes -- I could (and would) surrender that completely.

But there's another side -- almost the OTHER side -- of that intensity. It's like coming through the desire tunnel into the light on the other side: the physical desire becomes secondary (and perhaps even irrelevant) to the purity of the bond. I'm not saying it's an easy journey, but I believe that the destination exists. I've glimpsed that light. I'll let you know if I ever reach the end of the tunnel.

The idea of love without desire doesn't do much for me, I must say. I mean, it's nice, and where would we be without our love for parents, children, and friends, but it's that desire that borders on insaity that I like. Insane, senseless passion.

As my sigline used to say, "If it's not madness, it's not love."

 

[Liar]

One of the thing that defines us as humans, or at least that the common conventions defines as human, is that we excersise a greater control over ourselves than the rest of God's critters. We honor, appriciate and greatly value our free will, and a basic need for any person is to have some sort of feeling that they decide things for themselves. Yay for us, we are the masters of our destiny.

So of course intense emotional bonds are frightening as hell. Be it through love, sexuality, thrills or whatever else makes you reach that point. They are all, when you get down to it, about letting go of things that defines you as an individual and makes you human. And you trade that in for...something that you can't quite grasp until you are fully consumed by it and there is no turning back to the person you once was.

#L

 

[impressive]

... but it's that desire that borders on insaity that I like. Insane, senseless passion.

ABSOLUTELY ... when it's reciprocal. If not, it's just torture.

 

[CharleyH]

They are all, when you get down to it, about letting go of things that defines you as an individual and makes you human. And you trade that in for...something that you can't quite grasp until you are fully consumed by it and there is no turning back to the person you once was.

#L

I disagree, I think another defines you as an individual but does not make you or make you lose. You trade nothing but love and passion, and anything more? Then the fine line of SM. Consumed, yes - by a bond - but never lost - well SM IS ODD - always found in emotion. Just a take/give

Let me add for argument: love finds, does not change, or want, it gets ALWAYS - loves passionatey always ...

 

[CharleyH]

aka fear in sex is uncertainty in self. Whats to fear in love but that?

 

[SeaCat]

I like this question, it has made me think.

Losing oneself in love. Interesting concept. You can love another so deeply that your emotions are centered on that person, and that person alone. You would willingly do whatever is needed to help that person. You would even willingly give your life for that person if needed. That is love to me. An emotional attachment and understanding with another person. It is always a give and take and it isn't always 50-50. On some days you give more, on some days your partner gives more. It all balances out. This is love.

Subverting yourself to the point where you lose your own self identity. To my way of thinking that is not love but a form of slavery and while some people might like that I can't understand it. I do not want my wife to lose her self identity, nor am I willing to give up my own. I didn't marry her in order to marry a copy of myself I married her for her.

Can this bond become so strong that the loss of ones partner be tragic even to the point of endangering ones health? Yes it can, and it does commonly happen. But, if you look at these partnerships where the emotional bond is that strong, I believe you will find that the people in the relationship still have their own identities. (Yes they do tend to identify themselves with their partner. My wife and I do that all of the time but it doesn't mean we are one and the same person.)

Cat

 

[Guest]

ABSOLUTELY ... when it's reciprocal. If not, it's just torture.

Thanks for clearing that up. Throw the heart away, now.

No police needed.