Favourite Python lines.

[cloudy]

I have a vewy good fwiend in Wome named Biggus Dickus.

He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.

 

[Weepingguitar]

Greeeet! Marvelous!
Paint the sand yellow again!

 

[shereads]

"An argument is more than just a series of contradictions."

"No it isn't."

 

[shereads]

He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.

That's the funniest scene in movie history. I nearly cracked a rib.

 

[shereads]

Oh, intercourse the penquin!

 

[cloudy]

That's the funniest scene in movie history. I nearly cracked a rib.

Me too.

 

[shereads]

Me too.

I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome by the name of Biggus Dickus.

 

[kbate]

"There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray,

Oh! He's Makin' it up as 'e goes along!

 

[LLs Man]

Ni!

 

[kendo1]

No. 3, the larch.

 

[gauchecritic]

Well my fine fellow, I happen to know that this.... is the Lupin Express.

 

[shereads]

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing your life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle,
And this'll help things turn out for the best,
And.....

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistling]

If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistling]

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
So,...

Always look on the bright side of death,
[whistling]
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistling]

Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistling]

Eric Idle rules(d).

My brother usually rescues me if he can stop chasing tail long enough. Randy little bastard.

 

[shereads]

It's not dead. It's a Norwegian Blue and it's pining for the fjords.

 

[shereads]

Shut That Bloody Bazouki Off!

 

[shereads]

The Cheese Shop Sketch

Customer walks in the Henry Wenslydale's Cheese shop and walks past the bazouki player.

Customer: Good Morning.

Wenslydale: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Wenslydale: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Wenslydale: Peckish, sir?

Customer: Esuriant.

Wenslydale: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Wenslydale: Ah, hungry!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

Wenslydale: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some cheese.

Wenslydale: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Wenslydale: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Wenslydale: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.

Wenslydale: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.

Wenslydale: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

Wenslydale: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

Wenslydale: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?

Wenslydale: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Red Windsor?

Wenslydale: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. Stilton?

Wenslydale: Sorry.

Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Lipta?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Lancashire?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: White Stilton?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Danish Brew?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Double Goucester?

Wenslydale: (pause) No.

Customer: Cheshire?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Dorset Bluveny?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?

Wenslydale: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.

Customer: (surprised) You do! Excellent.

Wenslydale: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

Wenslydale: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

Wenslydale: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Wenslydale: Oooooooooohhh........!

Customer: What now?

Wenslydale: The cat's eaten it.

Customer: (pause) Has he.

Wenslydale: She, sir.

(pause)

Customer: Gouda?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Edam?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Case Ness?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Smoked Austrian?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?

Wenslydale: No, sir.

Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?

Wenslydale: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Wenslydale: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.

Wenslydale: Yes?

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Wenslydale: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

(pause)

Customer: Greek Feta?

Wenslydale: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Parmesan,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Mozarella,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Paper Cramer,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Danish Bimbo,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Czech sheep's milk,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

Wenslydale: Not *today*, sir, no.

(pause)

Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?

Wenslydale: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!

Wenslydale: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: {pause}and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?

Wenslydale: 'Illchester, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Wenslydale: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Wenslydale: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?

Wenslydale: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Wenslydale: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

Wenslydale: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Wenslydale: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....

Wenslydale: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Wenslydale: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

Wenslydale: Told you sir....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me

Wenslydale: Yessir?

Customer: Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.

Wenslydale: Yes,sir.

Customer: Really?

(pause) Wenslydale: No. Not really, sir.

Customer: You haven't.

Wenslydale: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Wenslydale: Right-0, sir.

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.



------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[chris 44]

Ee Sher, ah knows Henry Wensleydale's shop reet well. It's oop top end o' Grassington High Street tha knows.

The cheese is spot on, and they do a reet good black pudding an all.

The bazouki player's crap though, think he must cum from ovver Lancyshire way.

 

[hotchkiss]

Be honest it's gotta be:

He's not the messiah he's a very naughty boy! Now go away!!!!


Or even:

Jehovah! jehovah!

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[matriarch]

And now for something completely different!

I thought that was from the Two Ronnies????

 

[AsylumSeeker]

“Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark”

LOL Photoguy, but do you REALLY know MP so intimately or is your 'other' browser a search engine? I could remember fragments but you captue their spirit entirely. DAMN YOU!

 

[zeb1094]

I thought that was from the Two Ronnies????

I have a sound bite from MP, John Cleese says the line a number of different ways.

 

[playwithlezli]

And now for something completely different!

Definately Monty Python.

But for now, that's good night from me and it's good night from him. (just cuz a little bit of the Two Ronnies is good for everybody)

 

[playwithlezli]

Fave movie scene,

Life of Brian,

Brian-Stop following me...I am not the messiah, just fuck off.

Crowd-But how shall we fuck off master

Brian-Look, you don't need me to tell you how to live, you are all individuals

Crowd-we are all individuals

One man in the back of the crowd-I'm not


Most brilliant piece of writing I think-the sad thing is that I have to explain it to so many people.

Sorry for the bad paraphrasing-it's just that my head is nailed to a coffee table at the moment.

 

[Kev H]

His shoe!

Life of Brian,

Brian-Stop following me...I am not the messiah, just fuck off.

Crowd-But how shall we fuck off master

Brian-Look, you don't need me to tell you how to live, you are all individuals

Crowd-we are all individuals

One man in the back of the crowd-I'm not


Most brilliant piece of writing I think-the sad thing is that I have to explain it to so many people.

Sorry for the bad paraphrasing-it's just that my head is nailed to a coffee table at the moment.

LoL, yea man. Life of Brian rocks on so many different levels, from the deeply silly to the philosophically witty.

 

[shereads]

Magi: "He is the messiah. "The son of God!"

Brian's Mom: "So that's Capricorn, is it?"