Fantasy themed reluctant - My first time submission

[FlyAwayFromHere]

Fantasy themed NC/R - My first time submission

I have tried to go for a popular theme, written well. with a slight twist in the style of writing. (its not quite historically accurate as pointed out by a comment, so i will probably have to retitle it as "Fantasy" instead of "Medieval" at some point.

I would greatly appreciate any criticism/suggestions/questions/feedback in general and i promise to respond (politely in all cases) to anyone who helps me with this.

I would also really like to know what direction you would like to see me take the story in the next installment

Thanks in advance, Fly xx

http://www.literotica.com/s/medieval-ch-01

 

[Dream_Operator]

You write well enough, but I found the constant flipping in first person to be annoying and stopped reading it. Why not just write it in third person?

You also tend to 'tell" rather than "show".

And one last thing:

I did not feel the floor as I fell from the horse, I was already out.

Shouldn't that be "ground" rather than "floor"? Or is that a British thing?

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

Yeah it should be ground, thats wrong, thanks for that.

I prefer first person as its more personal to the character. i realise it isn't everyone's thing so i wont be writing all stories like that, but i liked it and a lot of other people did. I think its personal preference. That was my first attempt at that anyway, so i could do it much better. My second chapter will be plainly from the girl's POV, and maybe the third chapter will be just from the man's.

thanks for your advice

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

update

But of an update:

Thanks for all the feedback *lots of it in the comments on story page*, here is what i have come up with as regards all your comments .

- There were complaints/suggestions about historical inaccuracies. I decided on the name/theme before writing the story, and ended up going off track. So i have put in for an edit and will be changing the name from "medieval ch.01" to "True Fantasy ch.01".

- I put it in the NC/R category, but there has been a complaint that it isn't noncon or reluctance. I myself view it as still reluctance, even though it is tamer than i think people (including me) are used to in that category. Regardless of this, the people will be happy to know i am changing it to Sci-fi/fantasy section just because of the direction i am going to take the story in further chapters.

- POV. A lot of people loved the POV twists, but some people couldn't abide it. I have never attempted this before and overall i am happy with the feedback i have from it. The next installment will be from Iyva's POV only, but the double POV wont be disappearing forever.

- Chapter two is pending, chapter 3 is in progress and chapter 4 is sitting at the back of my head, so there is lots more to come from me, you can be sure of that. For every single person that has favorited me/my story, voted, and commented, thank you so much for the warm welcome .

Fly x

 

[ttrfanatic]

Just my two cents (I find myself tossing those around a lot these days LOL) but I think you can tell a story from both points of view without much trouble. I think the issue some are having is the way you are doing it. You will write a large portion of the story from one POV and then switch to the other and write another large (large being a relative word) portion. Maybe try telling it from both POVs but just have the characters interact more. So make sure to introduce the second POV at a sooner stage. Not sure that makes sense.

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

yes, i think so too. its one of those things i will be working on before i publish anything like that again. Chapter 02 will be from just one POV.