Fantasies

[HerLittlePiggy]

So I recently told my partner about a dream I had in which she cheated on me after a fight and I confessed that in the dream I was not mad, though I was jealous, and in fact, in the dream I was excited by th idea of her being unfaithful.

I then asked her if she had any fantasies and she said that she does not fantasize at all and she never even thinks about sex unless,we are actually fooling around. Given that I am a man and I think about sex every 7 to 10 seconds, her statement seemed implausible to me so I am asking the women in here, am I wrong, is it possible that she doesn't fantasize, or is she merely saying that because she doesn't want to tell me what she fantasizes about?

 

[yukonnights]

I'm not a female, but here's my two cents worth; It is becoming more and more clear as science and information have become more readily available that neither of the terms 'male' nor 'female' is enough to define a person. In other words, many men have no fantasy life and many females live in a sexual wonderland in the own fantasies....and vice-versa. Thus, I would take her at her word. However, perhaps you can thoughtfully open the door to fantasy with her...I think the best time to do this is when both are feeling sexual and some pillow talk might inflame the desires even more. As one of those who live in that "sexual fantasy wonderland", I hope you can succeed...I couldn't imagine being without my fantasies.

 

[fire_breeze]

So I recently told my partner about a dream I had in which she cheated on me after a fight and I confessed that in the dream I was not mad, though I was jealous, and in fact, in the dream I was excited by th idea of her being unfaithful.

I then asked her if she had any fantasies and she said that she does not fantasize at all and she never even thinks about sex unless,we are actually fooling around. Given that I am a man and I think about sex every 7 to 10 seconds, her statement seemed implausible to me so I am asking the women in here, am I wrong, is it possible that she doesn't fantasize, or is she merely saying that because she doesn't want to tell me what she fantasizes about?

No one is your partner and therefore no one can determine what she is really thinking about. To answer your question: yes. To all. It is possible that she does not fantasise. It is also possible that she does and does not want to tell you. There are also elventy-billion possibilities.

Just like some men, some women think about sex constantly. Some women do not (just like any man). Some women, just as some men, have kinky fantasies revolving around an Easy-Bake-Oven and a strap-on whereas some fantasises about a clean kitchen. And some women, just like some men, simply do not fantasise whatsoever. Just because your partner has (presumably) a vagina and breasts does not mean that she falls under some sort of thought paradigm. There is no such thing as "women do this" or "men are like this". None. Sorry. There hasn't been a meeting where we decided about this.

Best bet is to ask her what she is thinking of when you are fooling around. Or ask her while you are fooling around, if you think that could work. But the only person who can answer is her and when she answers, believe her.

 

[nayia]

I am a woman and I fantasize pretty often, but my fiancé says he never thinks about sex unless we are about to have it or are in the middle of it. I do wonder the same thing as you- is he keeping a secret because he's embarrassed? I try to show that I'm open minded and that I want to fulfill his fantasies but he hardly ever shares any ideas.

 

[Domesticity]

So I recently told my partner about a dream I had in which she cheated on me after a fight and I confessed that in the dream I was not mad, though I was jealous, and in fact, in the dream I was excited by th idea of her being unfaithful.

I then asked her if she had any fantasies and she said that she does not fantasize at all and she never even thinks about sex unless,we are actually fooling around. Given that I am a man and I think about sex every 7 to 10 seconds, her statement seemed implausible to me so I am asking the women in here, am I wrong, is it possible that she doesn't fantasize, or is she merely saying that because she doesn't want to tell me what she fantasizes about?

I'm a woman and i think about sex constantly. I'm married to a man who doesn't think about sex often. I really think he's not a very sexual being.

I'd believe her. She may have fantasies but is afraid if she shared at that moment you'd think she was sanctioning her fucking other men to turn you on and that may be something she isnt comfortable with so she just shot the whole topic of fantasy down. But it's probably likely she just isn't a horny person.

Some people, especially people who grew up shamed about sex, really are so repressed that they have no clue what turns them on because they push "depraved" thoughts out of their heads the moment the thoughts show up. Some women I know who are very prude get downright freaky when they drink. Maybe ask her after a few drinks.

 

[may_I_please]

So I recently told my partner about a dream I had in which she cheated on me after a fight and I confessed that in the dream I was not mad, though I was jealous, and in fact, in the dream I was excited by th idea of her being unfaithful.

I then asked her if she had any fantasies and she said that she does not fantasize at all and she never even thinks about sex unless,we are actually fooling around. Given that I am a man and I think about sex every 7 to 10 seconds, her statement seemed implausible to me so I am asking the women in here, am I wrong, is it possible that she doesn't fantasize, or is she merely saying that because she doesn't want to tell me what she fantasizes about?

I think you can go through different phases as a woman. When I had young children sex and fantasies were the furthest thing from my mind. We had a few difficult years to be honest. Stressors and preoccupation of real life can make that part of you switch off as a woman that I don't think happens to men.

But the children got older, I regained a sense of self, as well as my body and my confidence and we (he) worked hard to get me back to the state I am now - a wibbling, needy, do anything toy who is happy to play on sex and porn sites, so yes now I fantasise / think of sex a lot. All he has to do now is grab my wrist and I'm panting

I'd recommend some gentle erotica as a gift, maybe something like Nancy Friday's book Women on Top. Also find a way to get her confident in her body and sexuality. Lingerie always helps.

 

[NickCarraway12]

She's probably embarrassed to tell you as it makes her even more vulnerable.

My wife said the same thing. Years later, she told me about a dream she had about a well-hung guy doing her doggie style and that she was married to him, not me, in this dream. They started out arguing and then they got naked and had sex. He was a black male and she denies any attraction (conservative background, etc). She was really matter-of-fact about it.

However, I brought her dream up once while I was using a vibrator on her (it was taking a while before I started talking to her) and she had an orgasm instantly. I also checked her search history and found some pics that she'd looked at. (Didn't know that women did that-but hey, who am I to complain?). In the same situation, I also mentioned a woman being with her and that turned her on and made her orgasm. She said that it was just her time to cum and that what I was saying had no bearing on that. I made her think I believed her but I knew better. It's ok, though. Start out talking with her while you're together. Start slow.

 

[LadyElsbeth]

As the others have stated before, there are so many possibilities for her not sharing her fantasies or admitting to having them. For some, maybe they don't understand exactly why they are turned on by the thoughts they are having. Some fantasies can be quite dark in nature and until you come to terms with them yourself, why invite anyone in to judge you? As a woman, I understand this. Unfortunately society still places so much shame on women expressing sexual need.

Also, frequently telling you the fantasy might not be something you could do for her anyway so why verbalize it? Females internalize sex so much more than men, so let her keep her fantasies for now. When she wants to share, she will.

 

[Lascivity]

It's entirely possible. Some people live very much in the moment and don't tend to fantasise or imagine things. This doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy sex in any way, nor that there aren't things she wants to do. I'd take her at her word, and work with it - in a way it's good that she's so straightforward with you.

If it troubles you though, talk to her about it. She seems open to discussing things, so I'm sure you two will be able to work things out.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

To say no would mean our single user name for a man and wife is a lie.
Ever since I found out what tits and pussy on a woman was about I've fantasized.
Found out my wife used to read her crappy love storie rag magazines and fantasize. Back then she said it was only her fantasy but now she can come on Lit and her fantasies become her thoughts and dreams.
I believe no matter what humans do fantasies and dreams are a good thing. Sure beats thinking about work, politics, and religion.