Fading (or Phasing) out...

[RisiaSkye]

Just a quick note of explanation about why I've been participating less (not that I'm so vastly important that anybody would wonder about, or even notice, my dwindling participation in the Forum), and why I'll be more frequently absent for a while to come.

I'm facing the biggest academic challenge of my life in about six weeks--a four day exam followed by an interview with a five-person panel to obtain my C.Phil and qualify for my Ph.D. I also have two pending publications and am in the process of creating a new course which I will both be teaching and training others to teach--at my university. There's a tremendous amount of work, and a great deal of stress, in my real life as a result. I thought that I was handling it pretty well, but I have reason to suspect otherwise right now.

Five days ago, while working on revisions to my project, a blood vessel in my right eye burst--flooding my eye with blood and blurring my vision, in addition to making it painful and too light sensitive to open. This annoyed me more than it did anything else, as I thought it was another ocular ulcer like one I had a few months ago, which was a drag but ultimately no big deal--like having pink eye. I finally went to an on-call GP on Labor Day (for what I thought was an unrelated issue) and was told there's reason to suspect a minor aneurysm in my brain to accompany the one in my eye. The weakening of blood vessels has lots of causes, but the final straw that makes them burst is usually stress.

This whole thing scares me more than I'd like to admit. I am not yet 27 years old, such things should not happen. If I'm going to get through the next few months, I need to simplify my life a little and reduce my stress levels, if for no other reason than because I can't spend the next two months fixated on the possibility that this was not an isolated incident but a small taste of the future. Of such fears are drop-outs and hypochondriacs made.

All of this just reaffirms what I already knew--it's time to lessen my obligations. Something's got to give, and I'll be damned if I'll let it be my eyes--or my brain.

As JB & cym already know, I'm going to be much less active as a participant and as a Mod for the next few months. In the time I've been Moderating for the Forum, there have been quite a few upheavals which have left administration of this place more or less in my hands for periods of time. When the flame wars break out, somebody still has to keep the trains running on time, so I've stayed through the rough periods even though I wasn't getting much from being here during them besides a headache. This has also contributed to my desire for a break from Lit duties, as it's grown to feel like just one more in a long list of obligations--when I originally came here as a place to relax and escape my real life resonsibilities. The forum's important to me, but I need a good long rest from it--but there hasn't been a good time to do it--until now.

So, wish me luck on the big exams, wave hello when you see me duck in for a little taste of the Forum, and know that I'm not leaving because of bad feelings. I care about this place and the people in it and when the time is right, I'll be back on a more regular basis. In the meantime, my sincere thanks to cym and James for so uncomplainingly covering for me, and my best wishes and fond sentiments to you all.

,
RisiaSkye

 

[tassie]

best of luck in your forthcoming exams, by brother in law has just got his Phd so i know a little of the stress you must be under.

do well, and come back when you're ready. i for one will miss you. keep us up to date on your eye please.

 

[spankableBelle]

Take care, Risia...be well, safe, and healthy, and whole. Good luck to you on the challenges that you face...~smile~

belle

 

[Shadowsdream]

Risia

Yes I have noticed your absenses and missed you but also know that you choose your moves through reality.

I am excited for you that you are nearing another milestone in your academic journey and would be overwhelmed to be in your shoes. What you have shown here on the forum is an incredible intellect full of understanding and empathy. I know without a doubt that both of these strengths will hold you in good stead in any and all career and educational moves.

I wish I could do more than hold out My hand in friendship to you through the medical uncertainties that you are now facing but all I can offer is an ear to listen and a voice to encourage. Please never hesitate to push the PM button at any time.

You have been a bright star amongst many chaotic moments and I for one have read the value in your posts both as moderator and poster.

Stress can be downgraded by making new choices..you have understood that removing Lit as a primary function in your life will be a postive rather than a negative in this fight you now face.

Good luck and happy lurking now and then.

 

[Hecate]

Best of luck for you Risia - both with your health and the upcoming examns (man, I am soo glad I am past all of that *lol* never would I like to be back in my 20's and go through that kind of stress again!)

I KNOW you will be around - just like most of us Lit junkies we can't be totally without our dose, right? So this is by no means a "waving bye" post but just a simple encouragment - good luck one!

Keep us updated as to how the examns went - and I hope there is no further need to keep us updated on any blood vessel business as I am positive it was an isolated incident (good vibes your way my dear!)

 

[SpectreT]

Jeeze, R......

No need to rupture blood vessels over the place. By all means, take a break, do what you can to reduce the stress. I can sort of sympathize. I get brutal headaches and royal gushers of nosebleeds when stress piles up. When they become a weekly ocurrence, it's time to go shopping for a new job.

And, no, I've never seen a doctor about these headaches and nosebleeds. Not much point. Either it's gonna happen or it's not. I doubt it, though. I lead something of a charmed life. Nothing really bad or dangerous ever happens to or around me.

Annoying things, sure. Expensive things, of course. But nothing that threatens my life or ability to function.

So I'm not worried.

 

[Skally]

Good luck R.

Take a good long break - maybe even a holiday. It sounds like you need one.

 

[april-wine]

Listen to your body Risia, ANY unusually painful headaches, get yourself to the hospital....Look for slight changes in speech, inability to focus....

I have just gone through this with my dad....I have a wealth of knowledge now.....ughhhhh

Take care and good luck....

april

 

[DRxBlue]

Well...it's all been leading up to this

This is the goal you've been shooting for for a long time. i feel quite certain that your banner will fly boldly as you vanquish all opposition.

We'll try to get along without you, and i mean try to get along. i hope that when you get a chance to relax, (ever?) and stop by to visit, we can sing a welcome song in harmony.

Aaah, but i'm always the dreamer. i think your Doctorate is more than just a dream. It's a fait accompli just waiting to be recognized.

Too much like giving birth,
Take good care of yourself,
Blue

 

[CarolineOh]

Risia,
I will miss you greatly, but I will beam with pride for your accomplishments. Don't take chances with your health, the world is waiting for you to do great things.

 

[SierraMoon]

Good Luck Risia!!!

Risia, this forum will not be the same without you, you are an intregal part of the teaching here.. your calm demeanor, your welcoming tones, make this place seem like a second home to all who come here.
BUT... your health comes first and foremost.. you need to relieve some of the stress, and if that means having to leave us for a time, then that's what you need to do.. with our blessings...
i know that you will whiz through your exams, but i will send you my good luck, and prayers that they go well for you, anyway...
take care, Risia, and pop in and say hello from time to time, would you, please?
x12 to you
r.

 

[Desdemona]

Risia, good luck on your comp exams. I'm sure you will pass with flying colors. Take care of you; we'll be here when you return.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Risia,
Good luck on your exams. I'm sure you will do just fine. Take whatever time you need to heal your body and spirit. You will be missed.


dixi

 

[Quint]

Best of wishes, Risia. If it's at all possible, take it one step at a time, deep-breathing every step of the way, and keep your eyes firmly fixed on the Goal. You will feel so wonderful when this is over.

(Also happy that the Chain Story was a couple weeks ago; that's another something you really don't need to deal with right now!)

You are an amazingly strong woman. I believe you can get through this and emerge even stronger--and you'll have a title as well!

 

[kayte]

Risia ~ Keeping you in my prayers regarding your eyes. That would scare me. Please take care of yourself. Good luck with your exams, oral as well as written and your publications and all the rest that is involved. I'm sure you will do just fine. Please let us know. We will miss you. Be well, safe and take care.

 

[Lancecastor]

All the best....

....RS. Twenty-seven; ah, I remember it well.

Good to hear you have a full and active life ahead for that big brain of yours, as I sometimes wonder/worry about balance in the life of a Board Moderator...a thankless task at worst and an interesting feather in your cap full of stories in years to come, I suggest.

Blood vessels do pop from time to time; as you may know, we become more aware of our mortality in our late twenties and it's a bit of a shock to realize that yes, we are human and not unbreakable after all. Resilient, though, thank goodness.

Hope all this doesn't sound too condescending or Lance-like...they're real words from a real man after reading real words from a real young woman he knows peripherally, watching her starting to close one door and open others to even greater vistas and challenges.

See you around the 'net;
Lance

 

[Trainerman]

Risia

You will be missed, but you have to do what is best for you. I wish you great success....you really deserve it !

It will be nice to see you when you can drop in.

Take care of your health and be happy !!


Dave

 

[~Dream~]

Re: speaking of dreams..

This is the goal you've been shooting for for a long time. i feel quite certain that your banner will fly boldly as you vanquish all opposition.

We'll try to get along without you, and i mean try to get along. i hope that when you get a chance to relax, (ever?) and stop by to visit, we can sing a welcome song in harmony.

Aaah, but i'm always the dreamer. i think your Doctorate is more than just a dream. It's a fait accompli just waiting to be recognized.

Too much like giving birth,
Take good care of yourself,
Blue

---------------------------------------------
Reach for yours dear Risia,But please above all else,do take care of YOU 1st!!the following excerpt was written by my Master who will be back in this forum onFriday(thank-God) He's putting Himself through some control thingy or another) anyways I agree with Him 100%o the following:

RS,...I just read the thread you started on Fading out. Please don't waste anytime in doing JUST that. The medical realities of STRESS can't be overemphasised. Personally,...more than anyone else,...it will be a sad day to see you not be here.

We NEED you! More importantly however,...we need you healthy and relaxed. So do what you have to do in order to accomplish your goals, and still yet maintain your mental, emotional, and physical well being.

Though there are others with more experience in certain areas of interest to ME. There is none other I hold as high as I do you, for your FAIR mindedness and intelligence in dealing with the issues that CONTINUALLY pop up in our Forum.

Your Friends,.................Harry and Lucy (artful & dream)

 

[Ebonyfire]

Good Skill, RS: cause I know you will be prepared. Good luck on your health. Without good health, nothing feels good or goes right.

I know what you mean about stress. I sometimes wake up hearing my heartbeat in my ears, a sure sign my blood pressure is up.

Please, relax and get better.

Ebony

Just a quick note of explanation about why I've been participating less (not that I'm so vastly important that anybody would wonder about, or even notice, my dwindling participation in the Forum), and why I'll be more frequently absent for a while to come.

I'm facing the biggest academic challenge of my life in about six weeks--a four day exam followed by an interview with a five-person panel to obtain my C.Phil and qualify for my Ph.D. I also have two pending publications and am in the process of creating a new course which I will both be teaching and training others to teach--at my university. There's a tremendous amount of work, and a great deal of stress, in my real life as a result. I thought that I was handling it pretty well, but I have reason to suspect otherwise right now.

Five days ago, while working on revisions to my project, a blood vessel in my right eye burst--flooding my eye with blood and blurring my vision, in addition to making it painful and too light sensitive to open. This annoyed me more than it did anything else, as I thought it was another ocular ulcer like one I had a few months ago, which was a drag but ultimately no big deal--like having pink eye. I finally went to an on-call GP on Labor Day (for what I thought was an unrelated issue) and was told there's reason to suspect a minor aneurysm in my brain to accompany the one in my eye. The weakening of blood vessels has lots of causes, but the final straw that makes them burst is usually stress.

This whole thing scares me more than I'd like to admit. I am not yet 27 years old, such things should not happen. If I'm going to get through the next few months, I need to simplify my life a little and reduce my stress levels, if for no other reason than because I can't spend the next two months fixated on the possibility that this was not an isolated incident but a small taste of the future. Of such fears are drop-outs and hypochondriacs made.

All of this just reaffirms what I already knew--it's time to lessen my obligations. Something's got to give, and I'll be damned if I'll let it be my eyes--or my brain.

As JB & cym already know, I'm going to be much less active as a participant and as a Mod for the next few months. In the time I've been Moderating for the Forum, there have been quite a few upheavals which have left administration of this place more or less in my hands for periods of time. When the flame wars break out, somebody still has to keep the trains running on time, so I've stayed through the rough periods even though I wasn't getting much from being here during them besides a headache. This has also contributed to my desire for a break from Lit duties, as it's grown to feel like just one more in a long list of obligations--when I originally came here as a place to relax and escape my real life resonsibilities. The forum's important to me, but I need a good long rest from it--but there hasn't been a good time to do it--until now.

So, wish me luck on the big exams, wave hello when you see me duck in for a little taste of the Forum, and know that I'm not leaving because of bad feelings. I care about this place and the people in it and when the time is right, I'll be back on a more regular basis. In the meantime, my sincere thanks to cym and James for so uncomplainingly covering for me, and my best wishes and fond sentiments to you all.

,
RisiaSkye

 

[WillowPuss]

Rob and I wish you all the very best in your upcoming exams ... go get 'em girl!


Please take care of the eyes thing ... in fact take good care of all of you!

We will be looking forward to the time when you will have more time to come and visit us all here in our second home - until then stay healthy and happy.
(((hugs)))

 

[Verypowerful]

Risia

I have also been missing you here lately and now understand what has been going on.
It's good that you take time out from here to focus, and try to get your stress levels down - I also know how that feels. Warning signals of the body should be listened to and I am glad that you finally did. I also want to add since I have a bit of knowledge in the field, do not worry too much, get it checked of course but remember that you are still "young and strong" ( I think you understand what I mean by that).
I wish you the best of luck and KNOW that you will do wonderfully.
If there ever is anything....; please feel free to PM me.

VP

 

[morninggirl5]

Risia, i've noticed your absence and attributed it to a need for a small break. I'm sorry that it's because of other problems. Take care of yourself and lots of good luck on the orals and exam. You'll do wonderfully, i'm sure.

 

[Pure]

Risia,

Do take care of yourself. It sounds like you have diagnosed some of the causes and are doing as appropriate. I know of several PHD strivers who've had health complications, so in fact, even the degree process on its own can 'do it.'

While moderation won't be so moderate without you, maybe some of the brushfires will just have to take their course or be dealt with by others. Perhaps you've done your stint of housekeeping for a while.

Best,
J.

 

[MzChrista]

I hate to see you have to go away, Risia, I will miss you. But do what you gotta do, and when you come back, I want to hear some sexy stories, ok?

 

[cymbidia]

She's doing better already.
She's feeling better.
Her spirits are up.
She's going for a second opinion in the next couple of days.

Additionally, she's not leaving entirely, just taking a giant step back away from the day-to-day hassles and (especially) the tension-producing bullshit.

She'll still be popping on as often as she pleases.