F*#k buddies or Play partners (is there a difference?)

[VirginityPie]

Ok, I don't know if this is the right place for this or even if this is the best place for it, but I'm really struggling right now. I had a f@#k buddy and well, he's f@#ked me up in more ways than one. It sucks. Especially, because I lost my virginity to this guy. If you've had problems or even successes (yeah!!!!! More power to y'all) please write and support your local Virgin. I need all the help I can get right now, because the guy who's f@$ked me over is now becoming one of my best friend's friends. She knows about our prior history and has said he's an @sshole, but apparently not @ssholish enough to not be friends with. Anyways, enough about me, please let me know if it can actually work.

 

[evesdream]

Virginitypie, the word "fuckbuddy" has 2 parts. "Fuck" and "buddy." Someone who is an asshole who has fucked you over is not your buddy. He's an asshole using you for sex.

I'm not sure how sexually experienced you are, but I take it that you still had your virginity up until recently. I think you need a bit more experience under your belt before you can handle a sexual/playpartner relationship without an emotional connection.

If your friend knows all about your history with this guy and still wants to hook up with him, that's her choice. She's a big girl (she is, isn't she?) and she'll have to learn the hard way his exact degree of assholishness.

As for fuck-buddies, if things go well, like Tony the Tiger says, They're Grrrrrreaaat!!!

They can be fun, it allows freedom and experimentation and helps you decide who you are on your own terms. It also makes you value your love relationships for what they are.
But it's not for everyone.

That's my 0.02cents.

 

[MissTaken]

I think there is a huge difference between fuckbuddies and play partners, even when the fuckbuddy friendship is going well.

In order to "play" at D/s, there must be a much more intense trust than you will necessarily need to simply fuck a friend, safety being such a key factor.

 

[Ebonyfire]

differences

Definitely a difference as far as D/s is concerned. D/s is not always about sex. A fuckbuddy is into fucking. A play aprtner may be into all the different flavors of d/s and/or BDSM, and sexual intercourse may or may not be important.

Eb

 

[Hexiegirl]

I agree with EB, EV, and MT.

 

[Desdemona]

Under the right circumstances, both a fuckbuddy and a play partner relationship can be wonderful. I agree that the play partner relationship is somewhat more intense because of the trust needed for our type of play.

 

[BlondGirl]

I have a fuckbuddy that lives in Austin. There is no "love relationship" between us. When we get together, it is to fuck. Not to spank or tie each other up or call each otehr by titles. It is to fuck in the most passionate for-the-pleasure-only ways we can.

I have a play partner that lives in Clear Lake. I also have no real emotional relationship with him. When we get together, he greets me at the door by grabbing me in a very aggressive way and asking me, "Have you been missing me, bitch?" It escalates from there.

I consider a fuck buddy to be my vanilla fuckable lover. I consider my play partner to be my SM themed fuckable lover.

Your average adult American will understand the term, "fuckbuddy" the context I used above. Your average American adult will be clueless about what on Earth you mean by "play partner". Not much different than any other comparisons between Vanilla sexplay and SM sexplay. (Meaning that your average adult will be clueless except for those misconceptions exacerbated by the popular media.)

(Please my typos--I have caught tons of them but I am sure there are many more luking where I can't find them.)

 

[WriterDom]

My play partners have always been fuck buddies also. I could do play only in a 3some, but just to play with someone would be like being really hungry, and watching someone cook a steak that I couldn't eat.

 

[VirginityPie]

Due to my limited experience I can't say that I'm right, but personally I don't think that sex can truly be separated from feelings. There's different degrees of love and relationships...if you are fuck buddies, that is a relationship and there is a degree of love that goes along with it...just the problem is to try to keep it from going up to the next degree. Then again, I've only had one experience, so it's not like I know...but it's just from what's happened and what I think it will be like, for me, in the future...I'm only one person, I'm sure there are many others out there who say differ. And I'm so jealous of them! I wish I could have separated the friendship from the fucking, but I couldn't...and neither could he...so it didn't work out in my case, I'm sure in others it's worked out.

Love and kisses,
VirginityPie

 

[MissTaken]

It is very insightful of you, virginitypie, to recognize the obstacles you may have in having a fuck buddy. It is generally people who aren't honest enough with themselves to recognize the difficulties of having a fuckbuddy, that cause more pain.

Okay. That isn't to say that sex always has to have an emotional attachment. If that were the case, prostitutes are some of the most cherished and loved folks in teh world.

We are all individuals and particularly when beginning your sexual activity, it is easy to fall for whomever you have sex with. Sex being new, exciting adn something special to be shared.

Now, my experience with fuck buddies was actually good, while it served the purpose. I have had friends with whom I could have sex and there were no other expectations, no pain. In tehse situations, these friends cared about me as a person, an individual and a woman, but clearly we were not in love, nor would we fll in love. IT takes oodles of communication and trust to find just such a fuck buddy. Furthermore, in a world where our sexual history can be lethal, finding a trustworthy fuck buddy whom you know is safe, is an additional challenge.

Based on what you are telling us about yoru experience with fuck buddies, I wouldn't recommend it be a road you travel for some time. You will be hurt and/or your partner as well.

Take care

MIssT

 

[lark sparrow]

I've never had much success with longer-term f*ck buddies or casual play partners. Not that they are hard to find but finding one that has the same consistent desires and intentions is very difficult in my experience. It too often gets into one person wanting more. It (strong romantic attraction) is usually there or not there for me, doesn't tend to change that much, and the idea of "settling" disturbs me.

In the one case where I wanted more, I found that I could continue the relationship but it was confusing emotionally in seeking out others, comparing, finding the appropriate closeness/distance, etc. In the other experiences, I found that the other people always wanted more eventually and that I was entirely unwilling to do so and didn't want the emotional baggage and discontinued the sexual aspects of the relationships entirely.

It's one of those base human emotions at times - wanting what one can't have even more because of it, and it feels like a bad trap on either side to me that I try to avoid.

I do believe it's possible, I've just never accomplished it myself longer-term without someone else's feelings getting at least slightly hurt and feeling somewhat abandoned. Even if there were agreements in the beginning, I still feel somewhat guilty, pressured and partially responsible... it's never been worth continuing the sex or the play.