Extricating yourself from an LTR

[Calamity Jane]

How do you go about it?

I'm not talking about the emotions, but about the physical/material things. How do you decide what to take? What to leave behind? Who leaves and who stays?

Assume that you've been together long enough that your lives have completely merged. You no longer remember exacty what you brought with, and you've made a lot of joint acquisitions.

 

[Gord]

How do you go about it?

I'm not talking about the emotions, but about the physical/material things. How do you decide what to take? What to leave behind? Who leaves and who stays?

Assume that you've been together long enough that your lives have completely merged. You no longer remember exacty what you brought with, and you've made a lot of joint acquisitions.

Just down to negotiation

walk round the house together with a clip board and say I want that and you had TV I will have DVD you get bed I get sofas etc

It worked for me and we sorted out contents ok - We were both leaving at the same time so it worked.

 

[Pamela]

Who stays can depend on so many things. Is it a joint decision to split up? Or was someone an asshole? (cheating, abusive, etc.)

The material things, I took what was mine. I took everything my family gave us. Joint things purchased together that is a give and take. You'll have to make a list and discuss who gets what.

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

How do you go about it?

I'm not talking about the emotions, but about the physical/material things. How do you decide what to take? What to leave behind? Who leaves and who stays?

Assume that you've been together long enough that your lives have completely merged. You no longer remember exacty what you brought with, and you've made a lot of joint acquisitions.

Joint tenancy with right of survivorship. At least that has worked in all the LTR's that I have terminated......

 

[bored1]

After going through a divorce and the dismantling of a family, I suddenly realized that material things meant nothing to me. Good Luck.......

 

[Myrrdin]

Divide everything into two heaps. Mound A and mound B.
Then toss a coin to see who gets which heap.
That way, since neither of you know which heap you're getting,until after you've divided things up, there'll be more inclination to make an even split.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Rubyfruit]

.

 

[lovetoread]

I gave up everything but the kids and my car.

 

[Rubyfruit]

.

 

[Pamela]

Oh, I did let him take the big screen TV too.

See, I'm fair.

So was I! He got the TV...I got the computer and the car!

But...he was an asshole!!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Oh, I did let him take the big screen TV too.

See, I'm fair.

You're such a goddess.

 

[DarkAngel]

How do you go about it?

I'm not talking about the emotions, but about the physical/material things. How do you decide what to take? What to leave behind? Who leaves and who stays?

Assume that you've been together long enough that your lives have completely merged. You no longer remember exacty what you brought with, and you've made a lot of joint acquisitions.

Give them everything and start over

 

[Rubyfruit]

.

 

[~Dream~]

la la la

 

[Calamity Jane]

PCG, I think it really depends on the custody arrangements. In my case, I have full custody. Therefore, I do not believe in a 50/50 split of assets or possessions, because there are four of us and one of him.

I'm pretty sure I'll retain custody of the kids. He doesn't enjoy spending time with them now, so I can't imagine he'd fight me for custody. I'm hoping child support would pay the house payment, otherwise I'd have to give up the house.

Lovetoread... the temptation for me is to just pack a duffle bag and split, but I know I'd regret that decision later. I worked three jobs to put him through college. The reality is, we wouldn't have even half the 'stuff' that we do, if I hadn't been here busting my ass to make ends meet.

 

[LordMagicMan]

I'm sorry to hear times are so tough for you hun. I wish I had some place you could retreat to for a while...

If you need me I'm here... Wish I could be more of a help but I have no idea what I would do if I where you...

 

[lovetoread]

Lovetoread... the temptation for me is to just pack a duffle bag and split, but I know I'd regret that decision later. I worked three jobs to put him through college. The reality is, we wouldn't have even half the 'stuff' that we do, if I hadn't been here busting my ass to make ends meet.

If I had to do it over again, it would be alot different.

But he had convinced me that since I was a sahm for 14 years none of the things were even mine.

 

[Rubyfruit]

.

 

[LordMagicMan]

Excuse my ignorance but what is sahm?

 

[lovetoread]

Stay At Home Mom

I found out just a minute ago he sold the house and moved into an apartment.

Can you believe it?

 

[Calamity Jane]

My ex didn't appreciate what I did either, and that's one of the reasons he is my ex.

Do you ever wonder how long men have to go wifeless before they realize how good they had it?

 

[Rubyfruit]

.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Girlie, in my case, it was about four weeks before he realized what a big mistake he made.

It took 4 weeks before he ran out of clean socks/underwear or had to look something up in the phonebook?

 

[alexandraaah]

I can't imagine giving up any one of you treasures, and I'm straight.

Well, until it comes to Ruby.

You have my thoughts, pcg.