Extreme bruising - a Dom's concern?

[MsQuote]

I still stand by my original assumption that he either had no intention on sticking with his agreement on bruising or wasn't able to because of a lack of skill. And he knew if he told her that, she probably would have decided against continuing. He wanted to have his fun so he didn't say anything she didn't want to hear. I'm a man and I'm a dom and I know if I wanted to, I could have done the same thing and not worried about it. But that's when honesty kicks in and trust. I'm an honest person and value the word trust.

Maybe he never intended to play with her again and so it didn't bother him to act that way. Who knows what goes through people's heads. I've talked to men in the locker rooms, in the bars and other places where the women aren't around and I've heard more than one man state similar things. I'm sure women talk in similar ways, when they don't care about any aftermath coming back to bite them.

But, you just don't do that in a BDSM session. OK, let me rephrase that. You shouldn't to that in a BDSM session. But it does happen. That's why we do our best to discuss, set limits and even vet partners with the local group, if it's ever possible.

The bruising she describe sounds worse than what would happen if someone was trying NOT to leave bruises. And his reaction when she told him about them was not of shock but almost glee. He said she should consider them a badge of honor. Did he say he was sorry? Did he say he tried not to bruise? From my understanding, he showed no sympathy towards her at all.

This was a classic case of a guy who wanted to have his fun. It happens far too often and it damages the chances for those who are honest and respectful to someone's requests. We have names for people like that. Creeps, jerks, posers and assholes. If you ask me, she's lucky he even respected her safe words.

It just goes to show you that people will be people. When it comes to something we want, there are those who will lie and cheat to get it. Sometimes those get so good at lying and cheating that they can look you right in the eye with a straight face and tell you exactly what you want to hear, just so they can have their way. What's so difficult to understand?

This should be an education for those looking for a playmate. You really need to check someone out before you allow them access to your body. Unfortunately, it isn't always possible to check up on someone and trust comes into play. Trust is a very large part of the BDSM play scene. We have to trust that people are honest with us. It's sad when we end up suffering because we trusted someone.

Hey DVS, darlin'. Long time, no hear. How's it going?

It's too bad there's not an Angie's List for Doms, Dommes and subs, right?

I have to wonder, do guys like the one I described give Doms a bad name or make it hard for a new sub to trust you?

 

[DVS]

Hey DVS, darlin'. Long time, no hear. How's it going?

It's too bad there's not an Angie's List for Doms, Dommes and subs, right?

I have to wonder, do guys like the one I described give Doms a bad name or make it hard for a new sub to trust you?

ABSOLUTELY! I have my own horror stories from meeting someone online and answering their questions. If I say something they consider a red flag, they just disconnect and I'm labeled a bad guy, because maybe I said something that they didn't like. While I don't mind it if they don't find me to their liking in some legitimate way such as technique, style or whatever, I don't like it when I say I can do something and they don't believe me.

Like I said, I'm honest and I am trustworthy. When someone thinks I'm not it has a lot to do with assholes and liars like this who say one thing and do another. And we all know the world is full of them. Those who say they are experienced when they aren't, and those who say they will respect your limits when they won't. It gives all good doms a bad name and makes the game a LOT more difficult to play.