Exploring new grounds or leave it alone?

[Squirt66]

I've been reading and more reading for years. Our marriage for 18 yrs has been great in every aspect. For me I know I need to do more investigating. I need some input on which way to go.Hopefully I can convey into words for all to understand. Her is some clues that may help:
Even though I see him as a dom in every aspect of life, there is definitely a sign of sub. Myself I see mostly as a sub,but could be dom with more experiences with him.
We have talked about different situations and although he seems game, I get apprehensive when it comes to actually pulling it off.It throws him for a loop and he backs off.
He has his fetishes which I accept and do all I can to explore them with him,but hesitate with my own.How to get passed this?
Thanks for any input.

 

[FurryFury]

Get out of the routine. Go to a hotel, condo, cabin, the car, anywhere but home. Then insist on taking turns making those fantasies that you both actually want to make happen come true for each other. Only do those things that both of you think you have an interest in. Go slow. He will be afraid at first. He will go backwards at times. It takes time to acquire a new mind set believe me. Men are like children, praise, praise, praise and MEAN what you say. Watch him bloom. Have fun.

That's me putting it in a nutshell.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am not surprised he backs off when you become apprehensive. It places a big responsibility on someone to continue under those conditions when they themselves are inexperienced. As to how to get past it? I think it is a matter of deciding once and for all what it is you want and making a commitment to yourself to explore it....if you have any doubts at all about what you want, or the abilities of who you are with to play safe or listen to your words if it goes beyond what is OK for you, then you are going to keep backing off and with good reason. It is a dangerous game to play if you are not sure or overly nervous....even the most experienced can have accidents or make mistakes doing the simplist of things at times if all is not right in the moment.

Catalina

 

[Squirt66]

Thanks for your input.I think I've been waiting too long and need to change.Also its tough when the kids are around.I also know that we can only grow. I don't think that I would of even thought about this if I didn't find this websight. It has truly been a tremendous help and great experience. I look forward to our future with excitement instead of wonder if this is all there is.More questions are bound to come and I know the answers and advice will follow.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hi squirt,

Try talking this out beforehand with your partner... establish a safeword, then confirm that you are consenting to your partner's pushing past your refusal to go through with the play.

In otherwords, establish that you will need consentual non-consentuality.

If you tell him "NO!" or "Stop!" or beg him "Please, don't do this!" let him know, BEFOREHAND that you do NOT want him to stop. He is to continue with the scene. Unless you use a specific, not normally used in a scene kind of word, to bring the scene to a halt, he should continue to march.

A common safeword is "RED" using the meaning of traffic lights everywhere - red means "Stop". Another common one is "Mayday!", the international distress signal. In my current relationship, janey uses "mercy!" or "uncle!" as her safewords to let me know something has gone wrong or surpassed her tolerances. In a prior relationship, our safeword was "Paladin".

This requires thorough, open, honest communication between you and your mate. Best of luck!

 

[myinnerslut]

Hi squirt,


A common safeword is "RED" using the meaning of traffic lights everywhere - red means "Stop". Another common one is "Mayday!", the international distress signal. In my current relationship, janey uses "mercy!" or "uncle!" as her safewords to let me know something has gone wrong or surpassed her tolerances. In a prior relationship, our safeword was "Paladin".

mine is "safeword" so i dont forget it