Experience at First Intercourse

[srgreene]

I’d be interested in people’s thoughts on this question, which various women in my family (daughters, daughter-in-laws, hub’s relatives) kicked around last night (ok, I have a naughty family- but the young ones were all in bed when we had this discussion).

The question was, do males or females have more experience with sex before their first intercourse- or is it fairly balanced?

Sexual experience can include simple kissing, petting, even oral sex (full disclosure: I engaged in various sexual activities, including giving and receiving oral sex with a number of partners, before finally having intercourse).

Allow me elaborate. At the risk of biasing the sample I will say that-even though I don’t think it was true in my case- I will guess that boys or young men have had a greater number and variety of sexual experiences before having intercourse. My reasoning is that guys tend to be older when they lose their virginity, and have had to knock on a number of doors before getting in, so to speak. One of my own daughters disagreed, saying she enjoyed sampling what guys had to offer, but was reluctant to give up her cherry- until she threw it away, lol.

Your thoughts? If you care to share some examples from your own life, so much the better. Please identify if you are a man or woman and, if you would, your age group (boomer, gen-x, millennial, gen-z would be fine).

 

[CandiCame]

I think it's pretty balanced, but I tend to run young compared to some of the folks on here and that seems to make a difference. Mot of the folks I've talked to about this IRL had sex with their first lover, and I've noticed that that tends to not be the case with some older folks, but that's just my personal experience, not a study, so I'm not sure if it means anything.

Plus I'm from an area with a high rate of teen pregnancy so it might be skewed by location. We do know from studies that religiosity tends to make people start young, because of all the repression and guilt, so it's really easy to fall into the mindset of, "Sex is a sin, so in for a penny, in for a pound. Might as well just do it if I'm going to." Like you're already going to hell for the blowjob, might as well get that good dick. If you're going to be punished, might as well earn it.

I don't know how there could be a difference, like how the guys could be that much older, statistically. Most people's first time is with their high school love, so like... these kids are going to be in the same class. The only way there could be a difference is if the vast majority of the people identified as gay, because otherwise your girls & boys are fucking each other. So I don't really understand how there can be a gender difference in this area if we're evenly distributing sexualities the way we see them distributed in the general population where a lot of people, especially when they're young and haven't come out yet, identify as heterosexual and have hetero sexual experience for their first time. There's just no way to math that out that would make it lean heavier to one sex over the other because both need to be involved in the process. Like logically I don't get that. First times are, again, normally high school kids with each other, so the only way you could really make that work is if there's just like... 3 slutty guys in the school and all the girls are sharing him, and that's not what we see when we look at the data, we see people who are dating having terrible, terrible sex in the back seat of cars.

This was actually a problem I was taught about in my statistical design and analysis classes when I started doing research- because the numbers we were getting (as a community, this was a textbook example, not something I did myself, my research ran way to young to include anything sexual) could not conceivably mesh with reality, so a group of researchers found out that women tended to lie bigger than hell on sexual-self analysis when they were young, whereas men tended not to lie as much. They found that if they primed for morality measures first the women lied even more, and the men lied a little bit, but not near the amount that women did. The conclusion was simple. Women viewed sex outside of a marriage context as much more unethical than men did, because I live in a culture that shamed them much more, so they were far less likely to admit to it, or to admit the real age they were when they first had sex. I can't remember exactly, but I'm thinking they bumped it up like 2 years.

That same data set said that among the very slutty the men continued this trend of just not caring as much, and would report their partners almost exclusively as a round number, whereas the women would give exact numbers. The researchers hypothesized that this was because the men, who didn't give enough of a shit to remember the exact number, were estimating, but the women cared enough to remember the exact number, because that data mattered to them, was a bigger part of their self-identity.

So what we actually got was that people tended to have very similar sexual experiences, but viewed them differently. The men put more emphasis on relationships (they could remember the exact number of those, and reported that they would rather their partner cheat on them by having sex, rather than by having a secret relationship) but the women put more emphasis on sex (they could remember the exact number of those, and reported that they would rather their partner cheat on them by having a secret relationship as long as they never had sex).

This data made me sad when I first read it, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was the conclusions they drew about men that kind of hit home pretty hard at the time. Men tend not to have a lot deep meaningful friendships in the way women do- we get more of our emotional support from our partners, whereas women spread that out over their whole social circle. What this means is that if your partner leaves you- you're fucked. It devastates your whole emotional support system. So guys after a divorce tend to fall into a depression that can wreck them, in a way that women don't. Women can apparently pick up pretty easily and move on with their lives, but men can spiral into a Bill Dotrevian or Kirk Millhousian depression hole pretty fast and pretty bad. So... that sucks? Like suicide rates go up after divorces for men but not for women because of that. You can get anyone to fuck you, but you can't get anyone to love you. It's a really bad system.

After I learned about that I made a point to fight it. I mean, little things, but I started changing the way I talked to my guy friends and trying to break down some of those barriers. You might have to get drunk to do it, but check in on people. Like... make sure they're ok. Send a, "Dude you've been looking a little down lately and I just want to make sure everything's cool, you wanna hang out this weekend?" Text every so often. That's how women do it, like they're not special, but that's how they avoid that horrible spiral, just by making sure everybody's cool.

I didn't mean to get on that subject, it's just that that study showed that those two things are related.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I believe it's strictly an individual thing, with straight women who are promiscuous having sex more frequently that their opposite numbers. Women can find all the sex partners they want, but this is not usually the case with straight men. Plus, women are physically able to fuck hundreds of men, one right after the other, and men are not able to do the same with women, even if they can find that many wiling partners.

 

[CandiCame]

I believe it's strictly an individual thing, with straight women who are promiscuous having sex more frequently that their opposite numbers. Women can find all the sex partners they want, but this is not usually the case with straight men. Plus, women are physically able to fuck hundreds of men, one right after the other, and men are not able to do the same with women, even if they can find that many wiling partners.

Speak for yourself, old man, some of us still have dicks that work. Give me ten minutes and a glass of water and I'll be ready to go again.

 

[IG_88]

It almost has to even out. At least large scale. Small town shit you might get more guys and fewer women cuz the guys are making out with and getting bjs from a handful of whores. But overall? Gotta be about even.

 

[Jada59]

I'd say that males likely do but I can't elaborate because it would be underage stuff.

 

[Ramone45]

I’d be interested in people’s thoughts on this question, which various women in my family (daughters, daughter-in-laws, hub’s relatives) kicked around last night (ok, I have a naughty family- but the young ones were all in bed when we had this discussion).

The question was, do males or females have more experience with sex before their first intercourse- or is it fairly balanced?

Sexual experience can include simple kissing, petting, even oral sex (full disclosure: I engaged in various sexual activities, including giving and receiving oral sex with a number of partners, before finally having intercourse).

Allow me elaborate. At the risk of biasing the sample I will say that-even though I don’t think it was true in my case- I will guess that boys or young men have had a greater number and variety of sexual experiences before having intercourse. My reasoning is that guys tend to be older when they lose their virginity, and have had to knock on a number of doors before getting in, so to speak. One of my own daughters disagreed, saying she enjoyed sampling what guys had to offer, but was reluctant to give up her cherry- until she threw it away, lol.

Your thoughts? If you care to share some examples from your own life, so much the better. Please identify if you are a man or woman and, if you would, your age group (boomer, gen-x, millennial, gen-z would be fine).

My wife told me she was quite experienced with men before she had her cherry popped. She was the type of woman who preferred the company of men. She developed skills to keep them happy without getting fucked for awhile. She told me she received many compliments on her blowjob skills, and she was happy to oblige.By the time she finally gave it up, she was pretty experienced. She knew how to handle a cock and she had been finger fucked many times.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Speak for yourself, old man, some of us still have dicks that work. Give me ten minutes and a glass of water and I'll be ready to go again.

Hundreds of times?

 

[CandiCame]

Hundreds of times?

Oh, hi, I guess we've never met.

So my name's Candi and I have a functioning dick.

Do you just not remember youth? That thing springs back like... I honestly can't think of a better analogy of something that springs back faster than a dick that was offered more sex. I got nothing. It's already the best analogy there is.

That playing field is evened out by biology for a reason.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I remember youth as if it was yesterday. And while my dick was almost constantly hard from just thinking about girls/women I will have to concede that even though I might like to think I could fuck a hundred women, I would have even in my early years of youthhood would have been hard(no pun intended) pressed to get through a hundred. And any male claiming so is... well you figure it out.

Women, except for those few porn stars who did fuck a hundred or more men, would also be hard pressed unless sex was their profession. Although women do have the capability to have almost unlimited orgasms, the flesh is basically weak when it comes(no pun intended) sex. It will get irritated, then red and swollen, then so inflamed that to touch it is painful. So painful as to end all thoughts of intercourse or oral stimulation.

 

[LupusDei]

Can only speak about myself.

I'm from area where people start that rather young, and I grew up in times of anarhy, so by the time I got any I felt like falling behind hopelessly, but arrogantly thought myself well read and knowing myself. So I warmed her up for good two weeks before going for the main thing. Just to learn she was not only older, but nowhere a virgin. So, who knows who warmed up whom, hehe.

Over three years later and I still bumped in a perfect virgin (less than a year younger, by calendar) that didn't knew a thing at all. Well, weirdo as she was I played with her for a half year building it up, and even then it was bumpy road at first (but a haven later).

Well, statistically it likely should even out, but I wouldn't be too surprised if the bias Candi reports in their research isn't all bias, my hunch guess is that clueless virgin numbers could be different in different age groups.

Probably starting with a lot more informed girls than boys, evening out around age of consent, then almost all boys get it while a population of untouched girls remain, lagging behind for another half decade slowly reduced under the number of residual incel men numbers again, so something like:

Up to16 - girls more knowledgeable/experienced
17 to18 - about even
19 to 22 - guys more experienced/knowledgeable
22 to 26 - about even
27 and up - women more experienced/kinky

However, that's a pure conjecture and probably only applicable to area and time frame I experienced myself, and of course speaks about rather meaningless averages not any individuals.

Still, the perceived differences might arise from some such dynamics.

 

[Wrong Element]

I agree with the view that unless all these males are "getting experience" with the exact same woman, it's going to have to be somewhere around 50/50.

I could elaborate further, but as Jada59 says, it would fall outside of what we're permitted to talk about here.

 

[von_Bismarck]

There was a large sex study done a couple decades ago that was widely regarded as the first reputable study of it's kind. It showed the median number of sex partners for men was greater than for women. But there were more outliers for women having a very large number of sex partners.

 

[Wingz1992]

There are a lot of different ways you can read into this questions or maybe I am just reading too far into it lol.

First I think women tend to have more experience in foreplay and doing things before sex because we have the risk of getting pregnant and such so we tend to think twice before doing it and tend to push more towards enjoying other acts.

I think men tend to want to kind of sample all the flavors possible and most I have know really push to have sex. So when they are with a woman who might not be willing to take that step or show resistance then they might move on to someone else so maybe they have more experience when it comes to the basic number of partners.

On another sense we all kind of learn at the same time and same rate and most of us are just going off of things we've seen or heard so it's not like a lot of us start going into the Kama Sutra of foreplay.

All in all I'd say it's probably a balance with norms on each side as well as extremes on each side.

 

[Oblimo]

I believe it's strictly an individual thing, with straight women who are promiscuous having sex more frequently that their opposite numbers. Women can find all the sex partners they want, but this is not usually the case with straight men. Plus, women are physically able to fuck hundreds of men, one right after the other, and men are not able to do the same with women, even if they can find that many wiling partners.

I completely agree with the first seven words of this post, but then it takes a sharp wrong turn at Albuquirky.

 

[Oblimo]

I didn’t have much exerpience up through highschool (thank you PTSD)

But then I went to college.

Vassar College.

And that took are of that, believe you me.

 

[pantalaimonlyra]

I didn't have sex until my mid twenties, and aside from a horrific fingering incident, which took care of my hymen (RIP), and some kissing/making out, there wasn't foreplay experimentation or a build up of the bases.

I'm a millennial and cis female.

 

[FL30]

You're trying to generalize everyone's experiences.

However, there are way to many factors involved here to generalize the question.

What you need is a control group that is brought up the same way, by the same parents, in the same household, where they experience EVERTHING exactly the same and then ask them the question.

There are over a billion plus variations on this question so you'll never really know the complete truth.

 

[srgreene]

It almost has to even out. At least large scale. Small town shit you might get more guys and fewer women cuz the guys are making out with and getting bjs from a handful of whores. But overall? Gotta be about even.

I am not sure why it has to even out, overall. But I was from a small town, and more or less fit the description you gave (although do we have to be "whores"?). If it doesn't even out in a small town (and I'm pretty sure it doesn't, for just the reason you describe) , why does it have to on a larger scale? Well we have a resident statistician here, so maybe I will find out whether or not you are right.

Thanks for replying.

 

[srgreene]

I completely agree with the first seven words of this post, but then it takes a sharp wrong turn at Albuquirky.

Well I would go along with the first sentence, but then it does head toward Albuquirky. Thanks for your comments.

 

[srgreene]

There are a lot of different ways you can read into this questions or maybe I am just reading too far into it lol.

First I think women tend to have more experience in foreplay and doing things before sex because we have the risk of getting pregnant and such so we tend to think twice before doing it and tend to push more towards enjoying other acts.

I think men tend to want to kind of sample all the flavors possible and most I have know really push to have sex. So when they are with a woman who might not be willing to take that step or show resistance then they might move on to someone else so maybe they have more experience when it comes to the basic number of partners.

On another sense we all kind of learn at the same time and same rate and most of us are just going off of things we've seen or heard so it's not like a lot of us start going into the Kama Sutra of foreplay.

All in all I'd say it's probably a balance with norms on each side as well as extremes on each side.

"First I think women tend to have more experience in foreplay and doing things before sex because we have the risk of getting pregnant ..."

We see eye to eye on that score.

But then I don't follow to your last sentence. I think guys looking to get laid tend to pick the girls who they think will put out- and frequently, in ways I never quite understood, they frequently are right. I never dressed particularly provocatively, didn't initiate flirting, yet more than one lucky lad told me he could pick up signals from me.

Thanks for responding. And some of us do- or did- start with a Kama Sutra of foreplay!

 

[srgreene]

There was a large sex study done a couple decades ago that was widely regarded as the first reputable study of it's kind. It showed the median number of sex partners for men was greater than for women. But there were more outliers for women having a very large number of sex partners.

Thanks for your comment, but I didn't inquire about number of partners. I was curious about experience by the time you actually bid farewell to your physical virginity.

BTW, in my day, we called girls like me "technical virgins", and most of us were only that not because we were saving anything, but we were afraid of getting pregnant.

 

[srgreene]

...

Well, statistically it likely should even out, but I wouldn't be too surprised if the bias Candi reports in their research isn't all bias, my hunch guess is that clueless virgin numbers could be different in different age groups.

Probably starting with a lot more informed girls than boys, evening out around age of consent, then almost all boys get it while a population of untouched girls remain, lagging behind for another half decade slowly reduced under the number of residual incel men numbers again, so something like:

Up to16 - girls more knowledgeable/experienced
17 to18 - about even
19 to 22 - guys more experienced/knowledgeable
22 to 26 - about even
27 and up - women more experienced/kinky

However, that's a pure conjecture and probably only applicable to area and time frame ...

Thanks for your comment, and I think your conjecture is pretty accurate, except for the 19-22 year old age group. You seem to think guys become more promiscuous as they get older. I knew a lot of women in college who were virgins when they started, but by the time their junior year rolled around, were racking up double digits of partners.

 

[srgreene]

My wife told me she was quite experienced with men before she had her cherry popped. She was the type of woman who preferred the company of men. She developed skills to keep them happy without getting fucked for awhile. She told me she received many compliments on her blowjob skills, and she was happy to oblige.By the time she finally gave it up, she was pretty experienced. She knew how to handle a cock and she had been finger fucked many times.

Thanks for telling about your wife's experience, which is one I understand quite well. What about your experience. And do you think females in general have more experience with sex before their first intercourse?

 

[srgreene]

Thanks Candi- yours is the champion response (returns are not yet complete, however, lol).

<So guys after a divorce tend to fall into a depression that can wreck them, in a way that women don't.>

I've certainly known women who have fallen into depression after a divorce or breakup, often times becoming highly promiscuous in a way they were not before they got married. This is particularly true, I think, of women with little experience before the relationship in question.

One of my classmates, at a woman's college, lost her cherry her junior year. The relationship lasted a couple of semesters, but fizzled, and when she came back for her senior year, she was spending a lot of weekends attending frat parties at a nearby university, and sometimes coming back to school Sunday night in not very good shape. She did not graduate on time, and had to take a ninth semester. Sadly, she died of cervical cancer several years ago, and I wonder if her activities her senior year of college might have had something to doo with that.

I'd like to respond more to your comment, but need to go now.