ever after???

[miss_inquisitive]

.....


laurel-marie

 

[snowy ciara]

In the BDSM lifestyle, is a lifetime commitment a rare thing?
What becomes of a submissive when she/he is of the age where sex just isnt going to happen...does she become just a house slave or worse just put out?
How about a Dom...


I'm one of those silly little people who think about things like this. I have never read anything in BB's about the retirement years for BDSM-ers. I know for some, this lifestyle is more of a bedroom event and as they grow old the BDSM fun fades, but for others it is a 24/7 existence...it defines the person, Master/Dom/slave/sub till death...what becomes of them?


laurel-marie

There's more to D/s than sex. My parents have been D/s ing for 20+ years. For all I know, they've been doing it since they were first married. I didn't ask when I found out they were kinky. I was to busy trying to assimilate my kinky parents to go into that much detail. There's been times when mum (the sub) could NOT have sex, could not do the more physical aspects of BDSM,or of life in general. Guess what; they've been together 40 + years. (Yes, I was born very late, I was a surprise.) They'll probably be happily chasing each other around the bedroom in black wheelchair leathers when they're like 100 or something. It seems that when a relationship is long term, there's something going on there besides the sex, so when it goes, they might miss it, but they DO get on without it.

I mean, submission is not only a sexual act, so it stands to reason that long term relationships outlast the sexual aspect.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't see it as being any different to mainstream relationships.....they all require commitment and genuine emotions to last. As to sex becoming a thing of the past....I have always held the notion that barring severe physical incapacitation, is not a possibility and sought someone who shared that view. There are many people in their 80's and 90's who though maybe a little slower, are still sexually active. I think it is a mindset and also something related to libido in part. If you are someone who does not have a high sex drive in the early to middle stages of your life, chances are you are going to have a 'use by' date.....similarly if you are someone or with someone who lacks imagination and creativity where sex is concerned.

Catalina

 

[Bandit58]

Master and I are in it for the long haul I have posted before about His health problems - sex isn't everything, there are always toys and I am sure He will be able to dominate me for many years to come. He's always had a very high sex drive and is able to function sexually even though He's been diabetic for over 30 years.

No doubt we will have to modify our play as time passes but all I can see is our relationship growing and deepening

 

[TaintedB]

It seems that when a relationship is long term, there's something going on there besides the sex, so when it goes, they might miss it, but they DO get on without it.

Exactly right. I call this something going on deep committed passionate love in the context of control. For a lot of us who do the lifetime thing, it's controlling or being controlled, serving or being served (by someone we adore), that's at the very heart of the matter, so to speak, so if the sex goes, which it can, for various reasons, it may hurt, but the relationship remains very alive. This only happens though if the two people in the relationship are super compatible over the very long term (or, to use the newage word, soulmates). It's hard to find such a relationship given how idiosycratic we all are.

 

[graceanne]

Like Bandit, I've posted on my health problems. There have been long periods of time that K and I haven't been able to have sex. Our relationship is not based on sex, and neither is my submission. (Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but it's not all.)