Etiquette

[KuriousTina]

I know it's likely this has been asked before, but this is the first forum of its kind that I have posted on. So a few questions:

1. When referring to a Dominant, do you use 'Sir' automatically or just go with the flow?

2. Other than the site rules, are there any unwritten rules of conduct?

Thanks to whoever can answer my questions - I really don't want to offend anyone!

 

[RawHumor]

The answer to the second question is that each 'subforum' (General Board, BDSM, Playground, Amateur Pics, etc.) has its own unwritten rules of conduct.

For the first question - my personal suggestion would be to refer to someone as "Sir" or "Ma'am" (or whatever) only after getting to know them a bit, and knowing that you respect them (and if you respect them, what term they like being refferred to as).

 

[KuriousTina]

Thank you very much! Like I said - I don't want to get on the wrong side of anyone.

 

[RawHumor]

Thank you very much! Like I said - I don't want to get on the wrong side of anyone.

There are a lot of posers in the world.

Anyone who gets offended because you didn't immediately refer to him as "Sir" or anything of the sort is likely a poser and not someone you'd likely want to know better anyway.

And you're welcome.

Someone posted some ways to tell a horny net geek from the real deal... I wish I knew where that was posted. Can someone link her to it or repost it, please? It was good stuff, mostly.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I know it's likely this has been asked before, but this is the first forum of its kind that I have posted on. So a few questions:

1. When referring to a Dominant, do you use 'Sir' automatically or just go with the flow?

2. Other than the site rules, are there any unwritten rules of conduct?

Thanks to whoever can answer my questions - I really don't want to offend anyone!

Use of "Sir" (or "Ma'am" for the women Dominants) is pretty much optional. Some goofballs may yell about it, but frankly, most of us are secure enough in our Domliness that we don't pretend we can require anyone to actually address us in some particular manner. Call us by name instead of "ass-hat" or "dumb-ass" and we're pretty much happy.

Use Sir or Ma'am as a courtesy, to show respect for someone who has earned that respect in your eyes. But you don't have to use as a general honorific to every Tom, Dick or Sally who pops a capital letter at the front of their name.

Within the BDSM community we ask that you try to practice tolerance for other people's kinks, even if they are not your own. Keep an open mind, you might one day find that something you thought was a "No way in the world would I do THAT!" has become an "OMG! Do it again! Do it again!" Regardless of orientation or gender, everyone has a story to share, experience, knowledge. Use what works for you, discard what doesn't. Try not to judge... one person's abusive, no-good worthless scum is another person's idea of a match made in heaven.

Please, pretty please, do not confuse cyber, online fantasy nonsense for real life BDSM. BDSM literature is wanking material, it's fantasy fuel. It's great for that purpose, nothing wrong with it at all. But it's kind of like trying to base your relationships off what you read in Harlequin romances and porn... It doesn't tend to work well in the real world.

 

[catalina_francisco]

We're fairly relaxed around here, though it is good to keep serious discussions in Talk and more chat and fun in Cafe. As to whether to refer to someone as Sir, Mistress, etc., it is an individual thing but most PYL's I have known do not like someone taking it upon themselves to begin referring to them in such ways. Some will invite you to do so after getting to know you more, most will reserve honorary titles for use by their own subs/slaves only. I am with one who prefers this mode seeing it as something which only remains relevant for our own relationship, and is something earned for both, or on occasion someone we may play with. F has been known to become very irritated by people who try to insist on calling him Master or Sir when they do not know him, or have not been given permission to do so. If in doubt, ask first is my best suggestion.

Catalina

 

[KuriousTina]

I'm actually amazed by how helpful people here are! And once again, thanks for all the tips.

 

[CutieMouse]

I wrote out my personal list of "they might be a horney net geek" red flags in someone's personals ad a while back; your mileage may vary (of course).

Link

 

[RawHumor]

I wrote out my personal list of "they might be a horney net geek" red flags in someone's personals ad a while back; your mileage may vary (of course).

Link

I thought it was you. I looked but couldn't find it in my 30 seconds of searching.

 

[CutieMouse]

I thought it was you. I looked but couldn't find it in my 30 seconds of searching.

Whenever you read the opinions of a kinky prude, odds are it's me. LOL

 

[Ice2000]

Use of "Sir" (or "Ma'am" for the women Dominants) is pretty much optional. Some goofballs may yell about it, but frankly, most of us are secure enough in our Domliness that we don't pretend we can require anyone to actually address us in some particular manner. Call us by name instead of "ass-hat" or "dumb-ass" and we're pretty much happy.

Geoff for President...

As I find this discussion board more and more entertaining and educational. I'm starting to notice a pattern. I will read a new post. And by the time I formulate a though on the subject and scroll threw other responses..

I find that Geoff has stated my position more accurately and more clearly then I ever could. Once again, well said Geoff.

 

[RawHumor]

Whenever you read the opinions of a kinky prude, odds are it's me. LOL

Kinky prudes can be fun to explore.

But your HNG post was very net savvy and astute. Plus, I like when people point out the importance of using actual words with letters placed in proper order.

 

[TooTiredToLive]

I like when people point out the importance of using actual words with letters placed in proper order.

Are you one of those language nazis I've seen Graceanne refer to? You probably think that guys who write that they are "Looking for a women to suckle my toes and worship my kneecaps" are illiterate, too!

 

[CutieMouse]

Are you one of those language nazis I've seen Graceanne refer to? You probably think that guys who write that they are "Looking for a women to suckle my toes and worship my kneecaps" are illiterate, too!

Personally, I simply find it rather rude to expect the person one is corresponding with, to do mental gymnastics to read a sentence. If one has the time to type "U R HAWT!", then one is perfectly capable of typing "You are hot!", instead. The world will not stop spinning on its axis, if one takes an extra nanosecond to add two letters each to the first two words, and replace two with one, in the third.

 

[TooTiredToLive]

Personally, I simply find it rather rude to expect the person one is corresponding with, to do mental gymnastics to read a sentence. If one has the time to type "U R HAWT!", then one is perfectly capable of typing "You are hot!", instead. The world will not stop spinning on its axis, if one takes an extra nanosecond to add two letters each to the first two words, and replace two with one, in the third.

I have to agree with you, CM. Since this forum and those personals, et alia, are intended to perform as a means of communication, it would only seem logical - and intelligent - to communicate as clearly as possible within them. That, I would think, would require the use of standard spelling, sentence construction, etc., etc., etc.

 

[RawHumor]

Are you one of those language nazis I've seen Graceanne refer to? You probably think that guys who write that they are "Looking for a women to suckle my toes and worship my kneecaps" are illiterate, too!

I do find it quite funny when an alleged female refers to herself as a "women", yes.



But, as CM suggested, I'm more referring to use of words, instead of net speek.

 

[neonflux]

I wrote out my personal list of "they might be a horney net geek" red flags in someone's personals ad a while back; your mileage may vary (of course).

Link

OK, this completely had me ROFL!

 

[WriterDom]

I know it's likely this has been asked before, but this is the first forum of its kind that I have posted on. So a few questions:

1. When referring to a Dominant, do you use 'Sir' automatically or just go with the flow?

2. Other than the site rules, are there any unwritten rules of conduct?

There has never been any posting protocol here and I think that's a good thing. My opinions are no more or less valid than a submissive. In private you can demand respect. But in reality it has to be earned. There are a lot of bottoms that have my respect.

 

[KuriousTina]

Personally, I simply find it rather rude to expect the person one is corresponding with, to do mental gymnastics to read a sentence. If one has the time to type "U R HAWT!", then one is perfectly capable of typing "You are hot!", instead. The world will not stop spinning on its axis, if one takes an extra nanosecond to add two letters each to the first two words, and replace two with one, in the third.

Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! So IF someone is highly annoying and you can only understand one word in an entire post, how cheeky would it be to ask them to rewrite it in English?

 

[subtleone]

Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! So IF someone is highly annoying and you can only understand one word in an entire post, how cheeky would it be to ask them to rewrite it in English?

Personally, if it were a PM, I would. After all if they can't accept that you wish to be written to in English then it's not going to go any further anyway!!! However with a post in a thread you happen to be browsing I guess it might be considered rude - especially if they happen to be dyslexic!! If I cant understand what someone has written or if they have written reams and reams and I get bored and don't finish reading; I tend not to bother next time I see their Av in a thread - they don't get offended as they don't know!!
Or you could always PM an friendly face and ask them for a translation

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Personally, I simply find it rather rude to expect the person one is corresponding with, to do mental gymnastics to read a sentence. If one has the time to type "U R HAWT!", then one is perfectly capable of typing "You are hot!", instead. The world will not stop spinning on its axis, if one takes an extra nanosecond to add two letters each to the first two words, and replace two with one, in the third.

I have to agree with this. I have a profile on a website & NEVER reply to messages like "Ur Hawt" & "Hows u?" Mind you, I did come across a complete fake who had exceptional writing skills & was very well spoken. I think he fitted the Snert category quite well, the definition of which can be found here:

http://members.tripod.com/~Shogun_Lord/test.html

 

[CutieMouse]

Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! So IF someone is highly annoying and you can only understand one word in an entire post, how cheeky would it be to ask them to rewrite it in English?

I was in a *really* bad mood a while back, and while wandering Lit read a thread in the personals section that was more of a query about general BDSM, than personals ad, and some guy had inserted a really explicit (somewhat wordy) "UR HAWT!" sort of message half way down the thread.



... I was bad. I quoted his post, corrected it (grammar & spelling) in red, and told him his post was rude; I think I confused him. (The mod of that forum later removed my post.)

 

[KuriousTina]

I was in a *really* bad mood a while back, and while wandering Lit read a thread in the personals section that was more of a query about general BDSM, than personals ad, and some guy had inserted a really explicit (somewhat wordy) "UR HAWT!" sort of message half way down the thread.



... I was bad. I quoted his post, corrected it (grammar & spelling) in red, and told him his post was rude; I think I confused him. (The mod of that forum later removed my post.)

Hah! Why would a mod remove that post!? I reckon you were being helpful by spreading the rules of syntax!

I once went mad on a forum - went round correcting everyone's posts when they'd missed out apostrophes...

 

[CutieMouse]

Hah! Why would a mod remove that post!? I reckon you were being helpful by spreading the rules of syntax!

I once went mad on a forum - went round correcting everyone's posts when they'd missed out apostrophes...

I think the reasoning was that my behaviour (correcting the post in red) was rude and unwelcoming.

 

[Etoile]

I'm on vacation and not caught up on this thread but I wanted to say that I like the idea of asking about forum etiquette before jumping in and making a fool of oneself, then whining about not getting the desired response.