Erotica wrting about erotica writing (kinda)

[bustybabe23]

Hi all,
Another newbie to the msg board. Just wanted to introduce my second story to everyone. It's called "Writer's Block." I would love if you guys would go check it out and leave me some feedback. Hope you like it!
Bustybabe
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=100779



P.S. Just wanted to express my thanks for all the good feedback for my first story so....Thanks!
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=99347

 

[Jenny _S]

Your Story

I like the story. You have a good plot with a high Believability Quotient. But the story falls down with the first sentence:

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Sadie peeks into her husband, Charlie's open office door."
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This sentence does not really read very well. I think it's not really powerful enough. It should grab the reader and make him want to continue reading. The same thing continues for the next two sentences.

Then at the end of that paragraph you say,

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Sadie had grown so aroused when he had announced that he was off ot write one...
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There is nothing wrong with this sentence at all except you have changed tense. The rest of the paragraph is in present tense. Now you have shifted to past.

Beyond those two observations, there are several small errors in grammar, but nothing major that detracts from the story at all.

I think the story would have more reader appeal if the transition from Charlie staring at the blank screen to showing up 10 minutes later with the story complete had been handled better. Maybe you needed to shift from Sadie's orgasm to Charlie working furiously then back. That caused me to stumble as I read the story.

I'm impressed. For your second story this is really good. I will be looking forward to your next effort. Good Job.

 

[bustybabe23]

Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.