Enjoying something I could be enjoying more.

[BabygirlRose]

So my master and I have been enjoying each other for almost a year now.

Don't get me wrong, he's amazing and fun and sexy and allllll that important stuff buuttt I feel like he'll never want things to get as intense as I want them too and he's ALWAYS busy.

I get to see him in person maybe once a month. I want at least once a week.
I want whips and ropes and hitachis. He's happy with cuffs and just smacking me around with his hands.
I'm a masochist. He's barely a mild sadist.
I want a dominant who will take me out in public and actually treat me like his sub. He doesn't see me except for in his "play room", since he's so busy (or so he says).
I want him to spend some time enjoying me being unable to move, being completely at his mercy. He just wants to stick it in, the majority of the time.
I want a bit of roleplay. He, again, just wants to stick it in.

He doesn't even really consider this a dominant/submissive relationship, though he constantly insists that I call him "master".

I don't really know what to do. Am I the only one that's had this issue?

 

[BiBunny]

<snip>
I want a dominant who will take me out in public and actually treat me like his sub. He doesn't see me except for in his "play room", since he's so busy (or so he says).</snip>

Is he married?

 

[BabygirlRose]

No no definitely not. That's on my (very) short list of rules. No men (or women) in any relationship. I don't want to be a heart breaker or home-wrecker.

 

[Lrn_The_Ropes]

More?

Just a thought, is your Master older than you, or is he new to the whole D/s lifestyle?

 

[BabygirlRose]

He's 10 years older than me, and certainly not new to the d/s lifestyle. Idunno, maybe he's just not the right dom for me. But then what will I do? I don't know anyone who i find even somewhat attractive who is into this stuff!

 

[nh23]

Is he married?

Is it odd that I thought the same exact thing before I saw your post?

 

[BabygirlRose]

haha uh oh... seems everyone thinks my dom has a whole second life I don't know about. Perhaps i should do some serious investigating... though I've already done a lot. (I reallllyyy prefer to know who's controlling my every move in bed)

 

[Lrn_The_Ropes]

Still Thinking

I seem to agree with BiBunny. My first thought is that he may be someone like me who is older and inexperienced with the whole D/s relationship. I joined Lit to help further my education so to speak so my wf can experience the D to her s.

 

[BiBunny]

Is it odd that I thought the same exact thing before I saw your post?

Nope. Those are some pretty big red flags, IMO.

OP, I can't say for sure that he's married (or otherwise in a relationship), but I will tell you this. If a partner doesn't "have time" for you *and* won't take you out in public, but doesn't have the slightest bit of problem fucking you when it's convenient for him or her? The two of you aren't "in a relationship" in the mind of the other person.

If that's something you're cool with, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with a fuck buddy arrangement. But if you want more, you may be barking up the wrong tree.

I don't say these things to hurt you or piss you off or otherwise piss in your cornflakes, BTW. I just know them from bitter--and stupid--experience. I hope you can figure things out.

 

[Miles Long]

Are you able to talk about this with him during non-play times? Perhaps some frank discussions about what you're both looking to get out of your play time interactions and non-play time interactions would be good. Then you can decide if what he's willing to do/be for you is enough of what you're looking for and vice versa. It may be the case that you're not fully compatible, but maybe some clearing up of wants/needs/expectations will send things in the right direction.

 

[CutieMouse]

He's 10 years older than me, and certainly not new to the d/s lifestyle. Idunno, maybe he's just not the right dom for me. But then what will I do? I don't know anyone who i find even somewhat attractive who is into this stuff!

You want and need things from the relationship that he doesn't. You're 18; he's almost 30. You may not believe this now, but there are soooooooooo many dominant men out there who *will* want and need the same things you do.

Set your standards high-ish, explore a bit, and don't let the fear of being alone dictate who you're with.

 

[Noira]

You're not compatible. It happens. There's other guys with kinks that will match yours out there. Even if the red flags turn out to be pink flags and he's not living some other life (because frankly, not having time for you and not seeing you in public is a red flag!) it isn't that hard to reach the conclusion that you guys don't have the same kinks.

There's lots of single guys. Lots of single, kinky guys. I don't think it's worth it to be dissatisfied. If you can't communicate through this over non-kinky time, you're only 18, it's worth it to shop around a bit and get to know what else is out there.

 

[BabygirlRose]

Thanks everyone I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to keep him around for pleasure until I find a new dom then I guess I'll end the sexual part of our friendship. How would I go about doing that anyway? It's not like you can do a classic breakup, since we're not in a relationship...

BiBunny, you didnt hurt or piss me off at all I appreciate the honesty and advice.

 

[Primalex]

How would I go about doing that anyway? It's not like you can do a classic breakup, since we're not in a relationship...

Doing what anyway? Finding a guy in the remaining 29 days of the month?

 

[Riles]

Thanks everyone I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to keep him around for pleasure until I find a new dom then I guess I'll end the sexual part of our friendship. How would I go about doing that anyway? It's not like you can do a classic breakup, since we're not in a relationship...

BiBunny, you didnt hurt or piss me off at all I appreciate the honesty and advice.

If you're not in a relationship, there is no "breakup" needed, is there? Can't you just say "hey, it's been fun but I've found myself growing in a different direction. Thanks for the thrills, wish you well!"...or something like that?

But the whole notion of keeping someone around just for fun, if you invested emotionally, till a new someone shows up....maaaaybe not the best idea in the world. As a friend said to me, the autopsy required to close out an emotional connection takes time - usually done while NOT rattling headboards with another.

 

[Que]

"Rattling headboards" one of those "Why haven't I combined those two words before'" phrases.

 

[J D Danger]

Thanks everyone I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to keep him around for pleasure until I find a new dom then I guess I'll end the sexual part of our friendship. How would I go about doing that anyway? It's not like you can do a classic breakup, since we're not in a relationship...

BiBunny, you didnt hurt or piss me off at all I appreciate the honesty and advice.

it is best if you are up front and honest with him in all ways you can be..

if you have not already talk to him about your wants...needs and how you feel

communication is key no matter what type of relationship you are in

if he just wants to stick it in as you say...I doubt he is going to care about your wants and needs...

so as many have said...you tell him that the two of you want different things and you move on....find a better fit

keeping him around until you find something better...is not fair to you...it is not very submissive of you and quite frankly it sounds like you want to give him a little taste of what he has done to you

just move on...find a better Dom for you...trust me...they are out there

 

[luvnmyboys]

I hope you find someone that is a better match for you. It didn't sound like your needs are getting met. I'm confident you can find someone who will be happy to spend more time with you. I would just tell him that you need more than you are getting.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Join fetlife.com and check around your area. At your age you will very likely have to beat them off with a stick

 

[BabygirlRose]

Join fetlife.com and check around your area. At your age you will very likely have to beat them off with a stick

Isn't that what they're supposed to do to me?


Really appreciate all your answers, guys. Thank you so much I think I'm going to like it here.