English verb tenses are driving me bananas

[VelvetGentleman]

Hello you gorgeous people. Just looking for general advice with verb tense here.

Most of the time, when I tell a story from the narrator's point of view, I make it clear that the story is no longer happening in real time, that it's at the very least in the near past. In such a case, verb tense is easy: simple past. "I was watching her, she was doing this, then she came to me, etc etc"

But what about a story in real time? I'm trying so very hard to keep it to the present tense but after a few paragraphs of "She is wearing jeans. I rip her shirt off. She jumps on me. We do all the things etc etc" it feels like I'm writing like a preschooler.

Man see girl.
Girl is nice.
Man is happy.

AAARRRGH!

So... what about that elusive present tense? When do I use it? When don't I use it??

As a whole, verb tenses are MUCH easier than in my uselessly complicated native language but in this case, I'm at a loss.

Thanks in advance!!

 

[CiaoSteve]

If your story was set in prehistoric times, it might be fine to write "man is happy", but I wouldn't. I tend to go for past tense and leave anything present for the retelling of the dialogue. I find it just a little easier to play around with, as you can change the time dimensions quite easily. Present is just that... it is moment in time. If your story was a single scene at a single point in time it does work, but most of my stories are spread over time.

 

[AlinaX]

My latest (An Accidental Harem) is written as first person present tense. See if you can find at least three errors of tense on the first page.

 

[VelvetGentleman]

My latest (An Accidental Harem) is written as first person present tense. See if you can find at least three errors of tense on the first page.

Well, I mostly see past tense there, unless I don't understand how verb tense work

Looks like a fun story, I'll read it tonight.

Does it count if I also have a main character named Angie in the story I'm about to post? haha!

274 works... holy molly you're a machine! Good job!

 

[AlinaX]

The great thing about present tense is how easy it is to weave in past events as recollections.

 

[SkyBubble]

Hello you gorgeous people. Just looking for general advice with verb tense here.

Most of the time, when I tell a story from the narrator's point of view, I make it clear that the story is no longer happening in real time, that it's at the very least in the near past. In such a case, verb tense is easy: simple past. "I was watching her, she was doing this, then she came to me, etc etc"

But what about a story in real time? I'm trying so very hard to keep it to the present tense but after a few paragraphs of "She is wearing jeans. I rip her shirt off. She jumps on me. We do all the things etc etc" it feels like I'm writing like a preschooler.

Man see girl.
Girl is nice.
Man is happy.

AAARRRGH!

So... what about that elusive present tense? When do I use it? When don't I use it??

As a whole, verb tenses are MUCH easier than in my uselessly complicated native language but in this case, I'm at a loss.

Thanks in advance!!

Vary your sentence structure. Don't start with the subject all the time. I can't tell you how often I've had to tell people this.

 

[000zing]

Grammar drives you (simple present) bananas.
Grammar is driving you (present continuous) bananas.
Grammar was driving you (imperfect) bananas.
Grammar drove you (simple past/preterite) bananas.
Grammar has driven you (perfect) bananas.
Grammar has been driving you (perfect continuous) bananas.
Grammar had driven you (pluperfect) bananas.
Grammar had been driving you (pluperfect continuous) bananas.
Grammar will drive you (future) bananas.
Grammar will be driving you (future continuous) bananas.
Grammar will have driven you (future perfect) bananas.
Grammar will have been driving you (future perfect continuous) bananas.
Grammar would drive you (conditional) bananas.
Grammar would be driving you (conditional continuous) bananas.
Grammar would have driven you (conditional perfect) bananas.
Grammar would have been driving you (conditional perfect continuous) bananas...

... all in all, I recommend ditching the bananas and trying nuts... oh, hang on...

By the way, only verbs have tenses. There is no such thing as a noun or adjective 'tense'.

 

[SkyBubble]

Hello you gorgeous people. Just looking for general advice with verb tense here.

Most of the time, when I tell a story from the narrator's point of view, I make it clear that the story is no longer happening in real time, that it's at the very least in the near past. In such a case, verb tense is easy: simple past. "I was watching her, she was doing this, then she came to me, etc etc"

But what about a story in real time? I'm trying so very hard to keep it to the present tense but after a few paragraphs of "She is wearing jeans. I rip her shirt off. She jumps on me. We do all the things etc etc" it feels like I'm writing like a preschooler.

Man see girl.
Girl is nice.
Man is happy.

AAARRRGH!

So... what about that elusive present tense? When do I use it? When don't I use it??

As a whole, verb tenses are MUCH easier than in my uselessly complicated native language but in this case, I'm at a loss.

Thanks in advance!!

Even if you're writing in the past tense, you'll want to use present tense in the quotes. "You are beautiful," he said.

I can see why you find the present tense a bit too monotonous, almost like the old first-grade reading primer Dick and Jane.

"See Dick. See Jane. See Dick and Jane. See Dick and Jane run. See Spot. See Spot run. Run, Spot, run." OK for teaching reading, not so much for any other purpose.

However, that's also a function of sentence structure. Try not to make every sentence subject-verb-object. Vary it. Even then, you can say "I am looking" or "I look," "I am playing the piano" or "I sit at her piano and begin playing" or "I play the piano." Try and mix it up a bit. If you have trouble with that (English not being your native language) an editor can probably help.

But to take your "Man see girl. Girl is nice. Man is happy" structure, for example, just picking a couple of random names to make the example work:

Walking down Main Street one day, Bill looks around for a place to sit. He notices Betty, a beautiful brunette with a striking figure. "I think I'll go talk to her," he says to himself. Now he approaches Betty.