English verb tenses are driving me bananas

[VelvetGentleman]

Hello you gorgeous people. Just looking for general advice with verb tense here.

Most of the time, when I tell a story from the narrator's point of view, I make it clear that the story is no longer happening in real time, that it's at the very least in the near past. In such a case, verb tense is easy: simple past. "I was watching her, she was doing this, then she came to me, etc etc"

But what about a story in real time? I'm trying so very hard to keep it to the present tense but after a few paragraphs of "She is wearing jeans. I rip her shirt off. She jumps on me. We do all the things etc etc" it feels like I'm writing like a preschooler.

Man see girl.
Girl is nice.
Man is happy.

AAARRRGH!

So... what about that elusive present tense? When do I use it? When don't I use it??

As a whole, verb tenses are MUCH easier than in my uselessly complicated native language but in this case, I'm at a loss.

Thanks in advance!!

 

[CiaoSteve]

If your story was set in prehistoric times, it might be fine to write "man is happy", but I wouldn't. I tend to go for past tense and leave anything present for the retelling of the dialogue. I find it just a little easier to play around with, as you can change the time dimensions quite easily. Present is just that... it is moment in time. If your story was a single scene at a single point in time it does work, but most of my stories are spread over time.

 

[AlinaX]

My latest (An Accidental Harem) is written as first person present tense. See if you can find at least three errors of tense on the first page.