Endlessly restless what to do?

[SooZee_Que]

I believe my husband is the love of my life, he fufills my soul in ways I could never have before imagined. The problem is this, I still have overwhelming desires to experience sex with other men. I fantasize daily about what it would be like to seduce strangers or men I work with.

This has been something that has plagued all my relationships. I thought I had finally met the man who could cure my curiousity, and for 5 years it seemed he really had, but now my mind is again wandering and I'm afraid so will my body. I have a tendency towards infedelity.

There is a younger man in my office that I can't keep my mind off of. He is 24, I'm 33, but there is this chemistry whenever we come within three feet of one another that just makes me crazy.
I feel guilty about the attraction but can't deny it's potency.

am I guilty of cheating if I can keep it only in my mind?

 

[Cathleen]

SooZee, please don't take this with anything but a laugh but the imagine in my mind is of Jimmy Carter when he admitted he had 'lusted in his heart'. (I think it was his heart.)

Personally I wouldn't call it cheating, you have thoughts - not actions. Each couple would need to determine what is cheating to them, a set of rules sort of.

I am also hearing the phrase, 'I'm married, I'm not dead' and it is usually or has been attritbuted to a males speaker.

Welcome to Lit.

 

[SooZee_Que]

Thank you Cathleen, for the chuckle and the Welcome.

I know I'm probably being a bit silly about the thoughts, but they are so intense, its a little 'off putting'.

 

[Spirit Guide]

I believe my husband is the love of my life, he fufills my soul in ways I could never have before imagined. The problem is this, I still have overwhelming desires to experience sex with other men. I fantasize daily about what it would be like to seduce strangers or men I work with.

This has been something that has plagued all my relationships. I thought I had finally met the man who could cure my curiousity, and for 5 years it seemed he really had, but now my mind is again wandering and I'm afraid so will my body. I have a tendency towards infedelity.

There is a younger man in my office that I can't keep my mind off of. He is 24, I'm 33, but there is this chemistry whenever we come within three feet of one another that just makes me crazy.
I feel guilty about the attraction but can't deny it's potency.

am I guilty of cheating if I can keep it only in my mind?

No, no you're not guilty of cheating... you're just being human. Fantasizing about another is very normal; you just have the guts to admit it.

 

[SweetErika]

Not cheating, but maybe some exploration as to why you have a "tendency toward infidelity" is in order? Have you tried counseling?

Barring that, perhaps you could incorporate your husband through sharing fantasies, reading stories, roleplay or exploring group options?

 

[nycphoto]

You know there is nothing wrong with you for lusting after other men. I believe that society has put socual restraints on us that do not follow our primitive needs. Marriage is an insitution that is accepted by society, and therefore should not be looked at as the natural thing to do.
THere is no reason to deny yourself. Go out and have sex with every man you can of that is what you desire, what you lust to do. It is who you are and it does not make you a bad person.
YOu will have to arrive at this decision on your own. If I was the one that was in your office I would encorage your panties off.
Good luck to you love.

 

[SweetErika]

You know there is nothing wrong with you for lusting after other men. I believe that society has put socual restraints on us that do not follow our primitive needs. Marriage is an insitution that is accepted by society, and therefore should not be looked at as the natural thing to do.
THere is no reason to deny yourself. Go out and have sex with every man you can of that is what you desire, what you lust to do. It is who you are and it does not make you a bad person.
YOu will have to arrive at this decision on your own. If I was the one that was in your office I would encorage your panties off.
Good luck to you love.

There's nothing wrong with lusting after others, but if you made a promise to be faithful to your spouse, having sex with others is breaking that promise and your spouse's trust. That is cheating, shows a lack of integrity and character, and is wrong.

 

[jradek75]

There's nothing wrong with lusting after others, but if you made a promise to be faithful to your spouse, having sex with others is breaking that promise and your spouse's trust. That is cheating, shows a lack of integrity and character, and is wrong.

I couldn't agree more.

Having been raised in a couple broken families, I can relate firsthand the pain and suffering caused by cheating. Nycphoto's advice conveniently forgets about the pain infidelity causes other people. Not to mention the risk of bringing home a disease to an unsuspecting partner. Totally not cool. If you're in an "open marriage", that's fine. But without an agreement with you're partner that outside people are acceptable, you're asking for trouble if you act on these urges.

 

[fgarvb1]

Thinking it is one thing, doing it is another. At least legally or morally.

Now having said that... If I was having any kind of problem to the extent that you are I would invest much time and money if necessary to find out why I was having it.

It almost seems to be controlling you. Certainly you are in a war with part of yourself and it is stealing your time, energy and peace of mind at the very least.

Good hunting.