Endless Curiosity

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I first came to Lit for the stories. Reading and letting my mind explore was enough for a long time. Even after I joined the forums, it was enough. Lately, I just don't know. I struggle with the question constantly. I guess I've reached a point where fantasy often leads to more frustration than satisfaction. I've left for periods of time, determined to find peace with my current reality. What I've found is that Lit is not the problem. My reality is the problem.

I have a life with him, a family with him. I have history with him. I am comfortable with him. Why can't that be enough? And what on earth am I going to do about it?

My inbox is open if you need to talk privately. (((Hugs)))
Try not to give yourself such a hard time. I think sexual incompatibility alone is not a good reason to end a marriage. As stated by others, good communication with your SO could open up avenues of satisfaction that fill in the gap you're feeling without losing your current relationship. It's a slippery slope, though, because polyamory and outside playtime don't always work out, even if you're both willing to try.

 

[DarkSimian]

My inbox is open if you need to talk privately. (((Hugs)))
Try not to give yourself such a hard time. I think sexual incompatibility alone is not a good reason to end a marriage. As stated by others, good communication with your SO could open up avenues of satisfaction that fill in the gap your feeling without losing your current relationship. It's a slippery slope, though, because polyamory and outside playtime don't always work out, even if you're both willing to try.

listen to RA; she's smart!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

My inbox is open if you need to talk privately. (((Hugs)))
Try not to give yourself such a hard time. I think sexual incompatibility alone is not a good reason to end a marriage. As stated by others, good communication with your SO could open up avenues of satisfaction that fill in the gap your feeling without losing your current relationship. It's a slippery slope, though, because polyandry and outside playtime don't always work out, even if you're both willing to try.

I agree and second RA.

Trust your instincts. If you don't think it's a good idea to cross that line, don't.

I feel for you, friend. There is an overwhelming amount of love and respect coming from this camp for you

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

listen to RA; she's smart!

you nut...
For me, personally, stayed in my marriage for 20 years. Very little sex, and I could deal with that. It was the other stuff [ verbal abuse, lack of ANY intimacy, (not necessarily sex), escalation of anger issues that put me and my children at risk] that caused our marriage to go the way of the dinosaur...

I'm simply stating that there are very good reasons to end a long standing relationship, but sexual incompatibility does not make my top ten list.

I'm glad people can come here and fill the kink gap they might be missing. I want people to be happy. My concern is at what cost?

 

[ViciousTease]

My inbox is open if you need to talk privately. (((Hugs)))
Try not to give yourself such a hard time. I think sexual incompatibility alone is not a good reason to end a marriage. As stated by others, good communication with your SO could open up avenues of satisfaction that fill in the gap your feeling without losing your current relationship. It's a slippery slope, though, because polyamory and outside playtime don't always work out, even if you're both willing to try.

I may just take you up on that! Thank you.

I agree and second RA.

Trust your instincts. If you don't think it's a good idea to cross that line, don't.

I feel for you, friend. There is an overwhelming amount of love and respect coming from this camp for you

Thank you.

 

[DarkSimian]

listen to RA; she's smart!

you nut...

and with that I will quietly sneak out, as I have nothing more to say....

 

[ydahecnot]

My first seven years were very intermittent visits to stories and AmPics. I discovered the PG eventually, and it is enjoyable, be it the mutual thrilling, the cracking wry or wise, or the trolling of Emsway with lyrics. Lit doesn't run my life, but it is an amiable jogging companion. It enables me to be a fuller self. I may not tell it everything about me, but what I do tell it is truest to me.

 

[Endless_Night]

Bump for VT's new thread.

 

[Endless_Night]

<snip> Lit doesn't run my life, but it is an amiable jogging companion. It enables me to be a fuller self. I may not tell it everything about me, but what I do tell it is truest to me. <snip>

I love how you put this. It resonates with how I view Lit.

 

[DaddysTastyTreat]

Hello OP and other posters (I have not yet read any responses. I didn't want to forget my reply so here goes..)

Lit for me WAS just enough. I found I was able to share my interests with like-minded, intelligent adults. I find comfort in the camaraderie I've built with other Litsters.

Then... My SO confided that even if he doesn't share all my interests, he undeestands my need to explore them. He has since become much more open to some of my fantasies and encourages me to seek romance elsewhere should I feel the need.

So, what started as a secret indulgence actually strengthened my relationship and helped me to find the coirage to voice my needs.

I am so grateful for what Lit has done for me and for my relationship with my SO.

 

[Ginmill72]

Hello OP and other posters (I have not yet read any responses. I didn't want to forget my reply so here goes..)

Lit for me WAS just enough. I found I was able to share my interests with like-minded, intelligent adults. I find comfort in the camaraderie I've built with other Litsters.

Then... My SO confided that even if he doesn't share all my interests, he undeestands my need to explore them. He has since become much more open to some of my fantasies and encourages me to seek romance elsewhere should I feel the need.

So, what started as a secret indulgence actually strengthened my relationship and helped me to find the coirage to voice my needs.

I am so grateful for what Lit has done for me and for my relationship with my SO.

One of the best things I've heard on lit.

 

[ViciousTease]

With any luck I'll be late in the morning, so I'm dropping off Saturday's topic early.

How do you handle Lit exes when things come to a sticky D) end?

Yes, I know ... no one here engages in playtime and no here has ever gotten too attached to another Litster. So ... hypothetically, how would/should you deal with it?

 

[just4friends]

Exes... Like playful friends?
Most of mine drifted back to something called the real world
If a frenzied happy session was left hanging, that's more like sips in the night
Long term friends are hard to cum by but cherished, no bad blood when real life takes over. It's a good thing

Ok.. One.. Went all .. Not Goth.. What's the word for the book they adhere to? Gote!! Gorean...
Anyways I ended up flirting with her too much elsewhere (can't recall the website name luckily) and it was ugly. Left that site. Got rid of all ways that I could foolishly contact her again. This was after friendship here... The simulated world site.. And then brutal world wall. I hope she is ok

 

[ViciousTease]

Exes... Like playful friends?
Most of mine drifted back to something called the real world
If a frenzied happy session was left hanging, that's more like sips in the night
Long term friends are hard to cum by but cherished, no bad blood when real life takes over. It's a good thing

Ok.. One.. Went all .. Not Goth.. What's the word for the book they adhere to? Gote!! Gorean...
Anyways I ended up flirting with her too much elsewhere (can't recall the website name luckily) and it was ugly. Left that site. Got rid of all ways that I could foolishly contact her again. This was after friendship here... The simulated world site.. And then brutal world wall. I hope she is ok

I, too, have developed friendships here only to have them disappear. It's frustrating not knowing what is going on with them or why they left. But, like you said, when they wander off into the real world it's a good thing. I think it may be easier that way.

For those that (hypothetically) get involved in intimate relationships here that end, but the other party is still here ... I don't know. I wonder how they deal with it. With seeing their ex-whatever flirting and teasing, joking around. Lit may be world wide, but the forums are somewhat divided into small communities defined by time zones. The ones that actively engage tend to spend the majority of their time on one board. Suddenly, Lit becomes a small town with only one gas station, one mini-mart, one blinking light. How do you avoid the ex then? Leaving seems like the obvious solution, but then you become that friend that vanished into the night.

Speaking of night, it's late and I'm rambling.

 

[TomBoner]

I, too, have developed friendships here only to have them disappear. It's frustrating not knowing what is going on with them or why they left. But, like you said, when they wander off into the real world it's a good thing. I think it may be easier that way.

For those that (hypothetically) get involved in intimate relationships here that end, but the other party is still here ... I don't know. I wonder how they deal with it. With seeing their ex-whatever flirting and teasing, joking around. Lit may be world wide, but the forums are somewhat divided into small communities defined by time zones. The ones that actively engage tend to spend the majority of their time on one board. Suddenly, Lit becomes a small town with only one gas station, one mini-mart, one blinking light. How do you avoid the ex then? Leaving seems like the obvious solution, but then you become that friend that vanished into the night.

Speaking of night, it's late and I'm rambling.

But you ramble so well

 

[Leigh81]

How to deal with Lit exes ....hypothetically

I've never had many Lit relationships. In fact in my 2 1/2 years here I'm currently in my second.
My first one was a sham as I was duped by a man pretending to be a woman. I felt humiliated, stupid,,,, I questioned how I didn't know yada yada yada
Luckily at least we had a falling out a month before it was discovered, but still I felt embarrassed as it was public here. That is the past & I don't really like to talk about it. I'm 100% over it but it kept me from getting close to anyone on here for well over a year.

I've gotten close to a few people only to have them completely disappear.Two were women & it was pure friendship. One in particular is still very upsetting as we confided things to each other & only to each other. We had such an amazing bond. I know she had big changes happening in her life yet it is not like her to vanish.
One man disappeared right when I was ready to move to the next level. So back into my shell I went.

Now I'm involved with a guy I've grown to trust & admire, a guy who was patient with me & adores me for who I am, not sexually but for me. The "other" is starting to happen now though.

So my only situation is the first one I mentioned. I felt like leaving this place at first but I didn't because I don't quit & I'm a strong woman. I don't say that in a cocky manner, I say that confidently. My parents, schooling, the business world along with beating an extremely tough foe, cancer has made me strong. I don't do 2nd place in any aspect of life, that's my motto.

I've also learned a power lesson here with a special person. I was completely at fault in a situation which led to the end of a friendship. I had never lost a friend in my life before & it absolutely ate at me. Thankfully we made up which was a huge relief.
I think I might of got slightly off topic but I was up late & got up at 5:40am. That's my story & I'm sticking to it

L

 

[SoulAssasin247]

With any luck I'll be late in the morning, so I'm dropping off Saturday's topic early.

How do you handle Lit exes when things come to a sticky D) end?

Yes, I know ... no one here engages in playtime and no here has ever gotten too attached to another Litster. So ... hypothetically, how would/should you deal with it?

I would hope after whatever caused the blow up to occur that both parties can respect eachother. Leave eachother alone and not talk ill of the other. Maybe one day be respectful towards eachother so everyone in the thread doesn't have to be uncomfortable. I haven't had it happen to me but have gotten into multiple disagreements with people and hope it would be this way.

 

[DarkSimian]

When I came back, I was at a very bad place, and I jumped into friendships with 2 people very quickly. When the relationships began to go sour, I pretty much walked away. I have avoided the threads they normally frequent, and make damn sure that I can't be accused of "post stalking". But I am aware that they are out there, from time to time, and sometimes I wonder if I should extend an olive branch. But the door goes both ways, and they have made a point to sanitize me from their lives. So I try to hold my chin up, and move away from their negativity.

 

[ydahecnot]

I think most exes go poof. I just trust they have their reasons and move on and hope all goes well. Those who are still around? Dozens of threads, thousands of other people to post with or PM with. No need to engage, and hope all goes well.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

*stands securely near the lightening rod*
I've not had any lit relationships....

Lol..ok, even I can't say that with a straight face.

I had ONE very deep, emotional connection with someone here. After a few years, it dawned on me that it was not real and never would be, as most here in LitLand are not prone to do "reality".
That hurt. A LOT.
He never really posted in the forum, so I never had to worry about avoiding him here.
I've had a few fleeting trysts here and there, but always parted amicably, so I haven't had to deal with any negatively on the boards.

But. Yeah. That one broke my heart. I'm extremely wary of men approaching me online and have made it very clear I want nothing to do with an online only relationship that is intended to veer off into the sexual.

I have two very good friends I met here and keep in touch with them offline. The key to the long lasting with me is to keep it completely void of sexual connection. I just can't do it. My heart wants to get involved, and like I said, the majority here like keeping their online friends online.

 

[DarkSimian]

totally off topic, but I really like seeing RA back

 

[LinusRules]

A couple of friends voiced concern over this possibility. It was one of the things that kept me on the fence. For me, at least, this was not the case. Opening things up strengthened our bond. I also found I'm capable of having emotional intimacy with more than one partner.

Outcome may depend on the state of the original relationship. ...

Are you an attorney? This sounded like the language added at the end of one of those drug commercials.

 

[LinusRules]

Don't you deal with Lit ex's by creating an alt? I thought that was SOP.

 

[just4friends]

Quick note.. Slightly apropo. Those who impersonate others! They suck!!
Those who have driven good people off lit either by misusing their pics or with abuse? They suck too!!
I have had friends who turned out to be false gendered (not in the currently being Good way!! No problem with that!) I have lost friends due to others being absolute a-holes
Early on.. I was taught by a very wise Lit woman, treat others as if they are real people. Amazingly simple logical approach!!

 

[ydahecnot]

Amen to that, j4f