Endless Curiosity

[Trekka]

After the spanking.... comes the anal sex, no??
That was the idea in "The Holy Grail"

That was the idea of my last Saturday night.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

That was the idea of my last Saturday night.

Hahahahahahahahahaha

 

[just4friends]

That was the idea of my last Saturday night.

What were my brother and sister thinking when they took me to see that movie when I was a teen?

 

[Azuldrgon]

What were my brother and sister thinking when they took me to see that movie when I was a teen?

That it's a cool movie.

 

[Azuldrgon]

So Ricky, Trekka, and I are the only one in to bad boys?

Hmmmmm.

some of us are bad in different ways.

 

[ViciousTease]

Good morning, all. (That's the coffee talking)

I have difficulties truly giving people second chances. I try, really I do, but I usually can't get past that initial heartbreak, broken trust, damaged friendship, out whatever it is. So my question would be..

Are people worthy of a second chance? If so, can you truly forgive them and move on? If yes, how do you get past the hurt feelings? How do you ever trust them again?

 

[Endless_Night]

Good morning, all. (That's the coffee talking)

I have difficulties truly giving people second chances. I try, really I do, but I usually can't get past that initial heartbreak, broken trust, damaged friendship, out whatever it is. So my question would be..

Are people worthy of a second chance? If so, can you truly forgive them and move on? If yes, how do you get past the hurt feelings? How do you ever trust them again?

Good question. That...is a tough one. I also have a hard time with this type of thing. Not so much the second chance itself, but regaining that initial sense of intimacy and trust. There are friendships I have managed to maintain, but always on a more casual basis.

It has been possible to get over that hump with a couple of my SO relationships. Not easily, and it always took a lot of time and work from both parties. A little strange, actually, as I take my friendships more seriously than my romantic entanglements. Perhaps it's the type of intimacy.

Whether someone gets a second chance depends on the depth of the relationship and the seriousness of the transgression. I am a moody soul, so I do make an effort to not take things too personally. With limited results.

On a side note, I've ruined, and had ruined, relationships where the offender legitimately did not realize their actions were going to cause a rift. Sad, really. But you just do not always have access to what's in other people's heads....

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Good morning, all. (That's the coffee talking)

I have difficulties truly giving people second chances. I try, really I do, but I usually can't get past that initial heartbreak, broken trust, damaged friendship, out whatever it is. So my question would be..

Are people worthy of a second chance? If so, can you truly forgive them and move on? If yes, how do you get past the hurt feelings? How do you ever trust them again?

You're getting good at this, VT

I struggle with this as well. People are creatures of habit for the main part, and giving them a second opportunity doesn't always seem like a good idea to me. This is on top of what Endless already said. Once the intimacy is gone for me, it's gone. That goes for friendships, romantic relationships, familial trust, and basically anything up close and personal.

When I meet a guy and begin to get serious with him, I warn him. Do not, DO NOT transgress on my good nature, for I cannot forgive. I most definitely phrase that differently But.. *sigh* Sadly they have all failed. And I'm not talking they did something to make me angry and I can't get over it in some petty sense. I'm talking serious transgressions.

A lot of guys seem to think that I will play that game of break up make up break up make up but I'm just not wired that way, and I can't understand it. I would like to give a guy a second chance, and I'm beginning to think that if I ever will have a successful long term relationship then I will need to. But I actually tried giving the last guy a second chance, and I couldn't. My feelings just could not be repaired and recovered. And my brain keeps telling me that people don't deserve a second chance, and I just haven't found the right guy yet. But.. is he out there?

 

[ViciousTease]

On a side note, I've ruined, and had ruined, relationships where the offender legitimately did not realize their actions were going to cause a rift. Sad, really. But you just do not always have access to what's in other people's heads....

This is something I've done often. I'm learning to look for the motivations of others, to try and determine if the action/words had malicious intent or if it was just "I didn't know that would hurt you." It's not easy and frankly, if the hurt is deep enough, knowing the logic behind it doesn't matter. I'm trying, though.

Do not, DO NOT transgress on my good nature, for I cannot forgive.

You should phrase it exactly like that.

I wish I had something useful to offer on this topic. Small transgressions and hurts are easily forgotten, but when it comes to the bigger issues, when the heart is involved ... I'm broken.

I can trust completely and love fully, but only once. I can certainly forgive, particularly with friends and family. I can get to a place where I no longer think about the issue or incident that broke my faith. I can appreciate a relationship with the person who hurt me, even love them. But trust? I just can't. Once that thread has been unraveled, I've no idea how to stitch it back together and, although I may still feel love for the heart breaker, that love can never reach the depths of intimacy it once did. Once I've disengaged, there seems to be no way back.

Reading that, it sounds like I don't give second chances. I actually do. At least I try to. I'm not one to give up easily and, when trying to repair a broken relationship, I don't bring up the past hurts. I do try. I'm just broken. The relationship never really recovers because I'm never 100% there, no matter how hard he may try. When I give second chances it always ends and I get to take the blame because it's my inability to reconnect that causes the final break.

Kinda sucks, actually.

 

[*Twisted*]

I generally give second chances unless the offence was so bad that I just can't do it. Even then though my problem is I often give too many chances to too many people when the hard truth it is that their internal problems are not mine to deal with.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Reading that, it sounds like I don't give second chances. I actually do. At least I try to. I'm not one to give up easily and, when trying to repair a broken relationship, I don't bring up the past hurts. I do try. I'm just broken. The relationship never really recovers because I'm never 100% there, no matter how hard he may try. When I give second chances it always ends and I get to take the blame because it's my inability to reconnect that causes the final break.

Kinda sucks, actually.

This! All this.

 

[Leigh81]

Are people worthy of a second chance? If so, can you truly forgive them and move on? If yes, how do you get past the hurt feelings? How do you ever trust them again?

This is a great question.
I was given a second chance by my GF in real life for doing something very stupid. Luckily we worked it out & she forgave me, but I still think if I could forgive her in the same circumstance.
I'm a very double standard kind of person in certain situations & it's something I've been working on since this particular incident. I won't make the same mistake again that's for sure.

L

 

[ViciousTease]

I generally give second chances unless the offence was so bad that I just can't do it. Even then though my problem is I often give too many chances to too many people when the hard truth it is that their internal problems are not mine to deal with.

As much as I hate to think that someone would hurt you a second time, I envy your ability to be open to it. I hope you never lose that. Even if it backfires at times, to be able to walk away from something knowing you've truly given it every opportunity to succeed is a beautiful thing.

 

[Leigh81]

This place is not as easy as the real world since you don't see the entire picture. I'm a social person, not so much a social media person

L

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

brilliant question, VT...

And wow, no, I don't give second chances. I'm too cranky and set in my ways. I try...God knows, I try!... But, truth be told, once you've sent up a red flag for me, you are indefinitely on "probation."

I don't mean to be this way, I just am. I tolerate very little in the way of the ignoramus, and I'm fairly certain my actions and words convey this both online and in real life.

I'm trying to give a second chance to a man I recently met, but, honestly, the offense was not only just unnecessary but also a bit of a trigger for me, so he is already well at arm's length until I can gauge him a bit better. And, no, he does not appreciate the distance, but I don't know how to tell him that the more he grumbles about my boundaries, the less likely he's gonna scale my walls successfully.

(((Big hugs to all))) It's tough when one's trust in others had been broken. And it's not "hanging on to the past" as some would call it. It's truly a defense mechanism we develop to protect ourselves from that deep kind of hurt we experienced before. If someone isn't willing to acknowledge the time it takes to nurture a relationship with one of us, then there's really no need to pursue the relationship.

 

[ViciousTease]

I tolerate very little in the way of the ignoramus

I truly love the way you put things.

Let's hope the fellow currently teetering on the edge of extinction will figure this out quickly!

 

[AbsintheFather]

It totally depends on the person. A stranger none, a child as many as they need.

Everyone else, it's something somewhere in between. I don't see things in black and white, there's a whole continuum of grey in between. The longer and better I've known someone the more chances they get. As long as I have a basis to gauge their inclinations and sincerity, then they're golden with me. There are many people in our lives in whom we've invested time and emotional capital. You can't just throw that away.

The short answer is that I'll give many chances to those who matter most to me.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I truly love the way you put things.

Let's hope the fellow currently teetering on the edge of extinction will figure this out quickly!

and i love his you put that he is "teetering on the edge of extinction" because, I prefer no confrontation. I just want him to go away, without incident. I know myself well enough to know that of I'm pushed so far as to require confrontation, it never ends well.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

It totally depends on the person. A stranger none, a child as many as they need.

Everyone else, it's something somewhere in between. I don't see things in black and white, there's a whole continuum of grey in between. The longer and better I've known someone the more chances they get. As long as I have a basis to gauge their inclinations and sincerity, then they're golden with me. There are many people in our lives in whom we've invested time and emotional capital. You can't just throw that away.

The short answer is that I'll give many chances to those who matter most to me.

I agree. I give children unlimited chances, adults do not get the same courtesy. I frequently tell me co-workers that I use all my patience up with my boys, so not to expect that much from me at work.
They still love me though..lol

 

[beachbaby179]

I try very hard to maintain relationships. I don't like to give up on people. To an outsider I probably look like a pushover. So yes. I give second chances. But if you've deliberately broken my trust, you don't get a third.

 

[AbsintheFather]

I try very hard to maintain relationships. I don't like to give up on people. To an outsider I probably look like a pushover. So yes. I give second chances. But if you've deliberately broken my trust, you don't get a third.

I can relate, however if you're wearing what you're wearing there in your profile, I am very easily pushed over.

 

[beachbaby179]

I can relate, however if you're wearing what you're wearing there in your profile, I am very easily pushed over.

Stop it...lol. now they're all gonna go look.

 

[ViciousTease]

It totally depends on the person. A stranger none, a child as many as they need.

Everyone else, it's something somewhere in between. I don't see things in black and white, there's a whole continuum of grey in between. The longer and better I've known someone the more chances they get. As long as I have a basis to gauge their inclinations and sincerity, then they're golden with me. There are many people in our lives in whom we've invested time and emotional capital. You can't just throw that away.

The short answer is that I'll give many chances to those who matter most to me.

I would also say that children get unlimited forgiveness. My children get more than others because I can trace every issue, every "flaw" right back to the source every time I look in a mirror.

I try very hard to maintain relationships. I don't like to give up on people. To an outsider I probably look like a pushover. So yes. I give second chances. But if you've deliberately broken my trust, you don't get a third.

Not a pushover at all. Without those who can be open to trust again, there would be no one to teach those of us that can't. I hope we are each fortunate enough to find a teacher like you.

 

[AbsintheFather]

Stop it...lol. now they're all gonna go look.

I can trace every issue, every "flaw" right back to the source every time I look in a mirror.
:

I resemble that remark

Hahaaaaaa

 

[emsway]

It totally depends on the person. A stranger none, a child as many as they need.

Everyone else, it's something somewhere in between. I don't see things in black and white, there's a whole continuum of grey in between. The longer and better I've known someone the more chances they get. As long as I have a basis to gauge their inclinations and sincerity, then they're golden with me. There are many people in our lives in whom we've invested time and emotional capital. You can't just throw that away.

The short answer is that I'll give many chances to those who matter most to me.

I couldn't have said it better.

Years ago I caught a girl who worked for me stealing money. She claimed that it was the only time she had done it, but the cash drawer had been coming up short for some time. She had worked for me for five years at that point, and I viewed her as a daughter. Her husband had been out of work for almost a year, and she had three kids. So instead of firing her I gave her additional responsibilities, paid her extra for it, and helped her to build up her clientelle. I also installed a camera over the cash drawer and told her that if I ever caught her stealing again she would be fired immediately. A year later she quit, taking $80,000.00 worth of business with her. And after reviewing invoices that she did the ordering for I discovered that she had been padding the orders and stealing product. Still, I have no regrets for giving her that second chance. Sure, it stung. But I gave her an opportunity to rise above. Sometimes good people do bad things.