Endless Curiosity

[Hornblende]

Thinking about this I realise I have quite a lot of categories. Here are some of them:

Flirts: I like these people very much (though preferring the women), but only those who flirt without expecting exclusivity, which I won't give, for obvious reasons. I don't mind how filthy the flirting becomes, and it can arouse me for real-life activities (or Liferotica, as I like to think of it) with my woman.

Witty Litsters: Often encountered on the wordplay threads, they love a witty turn of phrase and aren't ashamed to post wince-inducing rhymes in pursuit of fun. Some of them can make me laugh out loud, which can be embarrassing in certain public places.

Supportive Litsters: those who look out for others. I was surprised to find how many of these people there are when I joined Lit, thinking naively that it was all about sex. More power to your elbow, people.

People who like SexyBrits. And why not...

Prowlers: You know who you are. You are almost exclusively male, and you circle around looking for new Litsters who are unaware that you greet all new arrivals with your tongue out. At least I hope that's your tongue.

Bullies. Yes, Lit has bullies, of both sexes. They get a second chance to be pleasant. After that they go on ignore. If I see you being vile to another Litster, then I won't have anything to do with you, even if you were drunk at the time.

SexyAlison: Nothing more to say here...

 

[ViciousTease]

I'm going to be deep in the woods this weekend, so I won't be available to toss out questions. If someone is willing to pinch hit for me, I would appreciate it.

 

[AbsintheFather]

I'm going to be deep in the woods this weekend, so I won't be available to toss out questions. If someone is willing to pinch hit for me, I would appreciate it.

Many of us share photos with each other or post in various show yourself threads. Photos of varying levels of propriety. How important are looks to you in a Lit relationship? What about in real life?

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Many of us share photos with each other or post in various show yourself threads. Photos of varying levels of propriety. How important are looks to you in a Lit relationship? What about in real life?

looks are very important, but looks are relative to each person... What looks good me may or may not look good to someone else

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Many of us share photos with each other or post in various show yourself threads. Photos of varying levels of propriety. How important are looks to you in a Lit relationship? What about in real life?

I'm not going to parody the whole "It's all about what's inside" crap, because to get to know someone, you have to at first be attracted enough to get to know them.

But the thing is - there's someone for everyone. What attracts you may not attract others. FelicityJohns and I were just chatting about this not less than an hour ago. She's drawn to a certain look in a man, almost completely opposite of what attracts me. Which is good because as besties, that means we'll never compete

I will say this though. Certain men become much more attractive to me after talking to them, especially if they have the four main qualities I look for in a male. I used to think age mattered to me, but that factor has been completely thrown out of the window based on recent experiences.

Things change - in my 20's and 30's I was attracted to men much older than me. Now that I'm nearing 50, I find that younger men seem to be attracted to me as much as I'm attracted to them. Go figure.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Many of us share photos with each other or post in various show yourself threads. Photos of varying levels of propriety. How important are looks to you in a Lit relationship? What about in real life?

On lit doesn't matter at all. In my personal life it matters. It's not the most important thing on the list but, it's important. I once fell in love with a woman I wasn't attracted to and it became an issue in our relationship.

 

[beachbaby179]

I don't really have a "type". If you look at photos of men I've been attracted to, they're all different. They all had something that attracted me, though. Not sure what would happen if I found a man with all those characteristics in one package. Hmmmm. But whether online or RL, a sense of humor, consideration toward me, and honesty are hugely important. I've been lied to enough. I don't need any more of that.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I'm not very concerned about looks, or what I call "the shell". Kentucky Lady might not think there are people out there who don't care about looks at all, but I tell you my dear - there are! That said, please don't be smelly or slovenly about your appearance.. is that part of looks? I'm not so sure, because you can change that if you want to. Of course, a person can get plastic surgery to change their looks as well. That can be anywhere from minor to extreme.

Also, looks can affect people's personalities. Traditionally good looking people can be more confident, traditionally not so good looking people can be withdrawn (obviously this isn't true for everyone). I find personality traits associated with looks to be unattractive. For instance, arrogance or being sullen.

So here's my answer, after all that dithering I don't believe I am attracted to looks, no. I am much more concerned with having a good time with someone than having to sit around protecting and feeding their ego.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I don't really have a "type". If you look at photos of men I've been attracted to, they're all different. They all had something that attracted me, though. Not sure what would happen if I found a man with all those characteristics in one package. Hmmmm. But whether online or RL, a sense of humor, consideration toward me, and honesty are hugely important. I've been lied to enough. I don't need any more of that.

I am with you on that part. I am attracted to many shapes, sizes and colors.

 

[AbsintheFather]

Many of us share photos with each other or post in various show yourself threads. Photos of varying levels of propriety. How important are looks to you in a Lit relationship? What about in real life?

Ok - I'll take a turn now . . .

I have chatted with Litsters about this and they've confirmed that photos can sometimes damper a friendship. That's what made me think about this.

First impressions are most often made with written words. So I'll be intrigued and interested, or not, long before a photo is shared. It's funny, you always have an image in your head and then it's either confirmed or shattered when the first photos are traded.

I will admit that a sexy photo can and will serve to pique my interest or lead to a fantasy that gets fleshed out in words. Heck even a not so sexy photo. Once a Litster sent me a photo of herself in her kayak. That led to a fantasy story that she liked quite a bit and a long friendship.

In real life - I think of my own looks as quite average. Also, although they were/are beautiful to me, each of my wives would be considered as having girl-next-door kind of looks too. Nothing flashy or glamorous. So I have to say that think that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That I do appreciate beauty, but also that real beauty is more than just looks.

 

[FelicityJohns]

AKL is correct; I suppose I do have a type... but I didn't realize it! I DO have a type when it comes to age. But I've also been attracted to men decades younger than me (think, yowza, barely legal) and those my own age, and everything in between. I am definitely attracted to intelligence, conversation, sense of humor, confidence, etc, before looks play in.

Physically, I seem drawn to a man who is silver haired, facial hair (but very neat!) kind of on the rugged/weathered side and not too 'pretty.' And yes, personal hygiene is WAY up on the list!

However, that 'perfect' archetype can show up and open his mouth and be a boor or a bigot or just plain dull, and it no longer matters. You have to be a nice person. Personality trumps all.

The sexiest thing in the world is a man who finds you sexy and knows how to convey the lust. So if I have a cut and dried, all-encompassing type, that's it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Eye candy is just that - eye candy. It's not a basis for a relationship. It may get my attention, but it's not the only way to do that. If I like a man as a person and we are compatible and have good mental and emotional chemistry, then I am going to find him attractive sexually as well. Tallish or shorter, large or lean, furry or bare, brown eyes or blue... none of that is going to keep me from wanting to get freaky with him if he is checking the rest of my boxes. I am going to want to look at him, touch him, let him touch me...

Same for Lit or RL, makes no difference.

 

[FelicityJohns]

Eye candy is just that - eye candy. It's not a basis for a relationship. It may get my attention, but it's not the only way to do that. If I like a man as a person and we are compatible and have good mental and emotional chemistry, then I am going to find him attractive sexually as well. Tallish or shorter, large or lean, furry or bare, brown eyes or blue... none of that is going to keep me from wanting to get freaky with him if he is checking the rest of my boxes. I am going to want to look at him, touch him, let him touch me...

Same for Lit or RL, makes no difference.

 

[ViciousTease]

I apologize for my extended absence. Family drama.

Soooo ... today's question was submitted by one of our lovely Litsters:

I'm sure a lot of people connect here. How does one develop feelings for someone they have never met? Not love exactly but an emotional attachment maybe? Do you tell them how you feel and risk them disappearing on you or them not reciprocating the feelings?

 

[SassySheDevil]

I apologize for my extended absence. Family drama.

Soooo ... today's question was submitted by one of our lovely Litsters:

I'm sure a lot of people connect here. How does one develop feelings for someone they have never met? Not love exactly but an emotional attachment maybe? Do you tell them how you feel and risk them disappearing on you or them not reciprocating the feelings?

For me. It is just spending a lot of time talking to them. Getting to know them. They become a part of your life. They are there for you. They become someone you trust and just allow yourself to get closer to and that is how feelings develop. I'm very needy and I tell people this. So when I get used to them being around, I feel like I need them. That is a huge reason that many don't stay also. I get too needy. I always tell them how I feel, though there have been a couple that I held back because I was afraid it would scare them in some way. I think I have just learned that for the most part, it's one sided and most will leave. I am very insecure also, that gets annoying. Another reason I think they leave.

 

[ydahecnot]

Don't let it happen again, VT.

And since much of attachment is based on interactions and words, of course you can get attached here, whether as friend or lover. It can be just as exhiliarating as in real life. And when a friend or lover doesn't say hi anymore, it can be just as painful.

 

[Inspirinious]

VT - Great question.

For me. It is just spending a lot of time talking to them. Getting to know them. They become a part of your life. They are there for you. They become someone you trust and just allow yourself to get closer to and that is how feelings develop. I'm very needy and I tell people this. So when I get used to them being around, I feel like I need them. That is a huge reason that many don't stay also. I get too needy. I always tell them how I feel, though there have been a couple that I held back because I was afraid it would scare them in some way. I think I have just learned that for the most part, it's one sided and most will leave. I am very insecure also, that gets annoying. Another reason I think they leave.

Sassy, what a wonderful post. You are so honest, open, and spot dead-on in this. Thank you.

The first part of your reply, the part I highlighted, rings so true for me, and I suspect for many others. It is the natural way we fall into relationships of all types.

As I continued reading the rest of your personal experience, a lot of that rang true for me as well. I've never thought of myself as needed, but maybe I am in a different way. I know I am insecure, but knowing that makes me approach others with great care. As with any new relationship on Lit or in real life, we always run the risk of the other person not reciprocating our feels, or not to the same extent. I deal with that as I do in RL, I proceed with caution knowing that there is risk and reward.

I think everyone here that develops close friendships has the fear that the other person will just drop out and disappear, leaving us to wonder for the rest of our life what happened to them. This is a great fear of mine - the not knowing. I have had several friends disappear from Lit. Many I just wonder about. A few I am concerned for their safety as I knew they were in a precarious situation.

As in RL, friendships and relationships on Lit always have some risk.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

I apologize for my extended absence. Family drama.

Soooo ... today's question was submitted by one of our lovely Litsters:

I'm sure a lot of people connect here. How does one develop feelings for someone they have never met? Not love exactly but an emotional attachment maybe? Do you tell them how you feel and risk them disappearing on you or them not reciprocating the feelings?

I rather go through deep connections. If feels more real almost as if you're face to face talking. I develop real feelings by being deep, asking and answering real questions, getting personal and sharing a piece of your personal life. If you develop that kind of relationship and actually get to know that woman, mmmmm she could just send a little pm and I am rock hard.
Do I take the risk? Hell yeah, it's exciting and if they don't feel they will lol. I am very confident lol. It's worth the risk and heartache when, you're in that moment of ecstasy it's pure magic. I'll get my heart ripped out any day for that feeling.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I apologize for my extended absence. Family drama.

Soooo ... today's question was submitted by one of our lovely Litsters:

I'm sure a lot of people connect here. How does one develop feelings for someone they have never met? Not love exactly but an emotional attachment maybe? Do you tell them how you feel and risk them disappearing on you or them not reciprocating the feelings?

We form attachments online much the same way as we do IRL: by sprnding time together, sharing our lives with one another, etc.

Yes, of course I let my friends know how I feel, and they do the same, although that may sound different for each of us. Do I tell them I love them? Sure! Although usually I try to be more specific. 'Thank you for being patient with me,' or 'I appreciate your support,' or 'Thank you for listening to me when I needed to be heard,' that sort of thing. There is more than one kind of love; C.S. Lewis identifies four.

Do I worry that they will disappear, or allow that fear to keep me from expressing my affection for them? Simple answer, nope. All of my Lit exes have left, but they left for their own reasons, not because i was holding a gun to their head.

I am told I have a warm, expressive personality. Why keep my feelings of affection to myself? Everyone needs to hear that they are thought of fondly.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Great posts, everybody!

Also, y, I love ya, man!

 

[curvyangel1969]

All of your posts resonated with me on this last subject. I feel very much the same and have experienced deep connections and loss of those connections. Thank you all for your open dialogue. ❤

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Jesus, mary, and Joseph...
I don't really want to answer this question, mainly because my answer is similar to SSD's.

I connected online before and while I think I was probably just catfished, part of me still blames myself for "what if he was really real and I'm just too needy?"

It's something I need to get over at some point because as a result, I do not let myself attach to people online in any way other than just platonic. I put so much of myself into thinking that I had the perfect LDR ..... That just dragged on and on with no end date in sight. And i got impatient, needy, insecure, doubting that this guy could really love me, etc..

So, the short answer is I can't deal with attachment to online paramours because they're too easy to disappear.
My heart can not take that again.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Jesus, mary, and Joseph...
I don't really want to answer this question, mainly because my answer is similar to SSD's.

I connected online before and while I think I was probably just catfished, part of me still blames myself for "what if he was really real and I'm just too needy?"

It's something I need to get over at some point because as a result, I do not let myself attach to people online in any way other than just platonic. I put so much of myself into thinking that I had the perfect LDR ..... That just dragged on and on with no end date in sight. And i got impatient, needy, insecure, doubting that this guy could really love me, etc..

So, the short answer is I can't deal with attachment to online paramours because they're too easy to disappear.
My heart can not take that again.

I have found that I do the same thing now. I try to protect my heart more because even friends leave. I know that growing up an only child plays into my "does not share well with others" attitude also.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I have found that I do the same thing now. I try to protect my heart more because even friends leave. I know that growing up an only child plays into my "does not share well with others" attitude also.

My heart is kind of schizophrenic these days... It wants desperately to be cradled and cared for, but it won't talk to anybody anymore.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*listens empathetically from the kitchen, whilst making up some hot chocolate and ginger chewies*