"Emotionally Unavailable" definition?

[iforgotthejoke]

I've seen the phrase "emotionally unavailable" and I beg of the ladies to enlighten me...how do you define "emotionally unavailable"?

 

[LadyVer]

Well, someone has so much going on with their own lives, that they don't have the time, inclination, or ability to have much empathy or interest for anyone else. They can manage a casual, banal conversation, but don't expect more from them because they don't have anything else to give.

 

[fire_breeze]

I've seen the phrase "emotionally unavailable" and I beg of the ladies to enlighten me...how do you define "emotionally unavailable"?

I'd like to add what LadyVer said that many emotionally unavailable women (or men) are those who are (usually) involved with someone not in their locales.

In other words, as said by LadyVer, these are people who will go for friendly chitchat, but anything else is off the table.

 

[respeito]

to mirror the comments of the two lovely ladies above me:

an emotionally unavailable person is withdrawn, and probably won't be open to giving vent to their feelings. they put up walls, so getting emotional support from them is difficult.

 

[Madoka]

When they're next to you but they're also miles away.

Reminds me of this:
http://media.tumblr.com/29a074449a67c4cdc1c08e962b918c47/tumblr_inline_mx7aeymzVK1ss27k4.jpg

 

[kiwi_submissive]

They have a partner who they "love" and can't commit to full relationship with you.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Or they have standards.

 

[NightL]

Or they have standards.

...always been your bugbear?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

...always been your bugbear?

Standards are my friend.

 

[LadyVer]

Or they have standards.

Standards are for those who don't start something then suddenly remember they're already in a relationship.

 

[LadyVer]

When they're next to you but they're also miles away.

Reminds me of this:
http://media.tumblr.com/29a074449a67c4cdc1c08e962b918c47/tumblr_inline_mx7aeymzVK1ss27k4.jpg

Interesting story.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Standards are for those who don't start something then suddenly remember they're already in a relationship.

I suggest you apply your maxim where it fits.

 

[FGB]

I'm not a Lady.

I was griped at one time for not "letting people in" by a professional consouler...Said I had my Shields powered up like the the Starship Enterprise.

Well, making a long story short it took a few years to hand crank those Shields down and several months lots of hard work and some mental pain to get them down to where I could have any kind of a reasonable "normal" relationship.

I would have to say it depends on why someone is emotional unavailable.

The difference between a simple and complex dysfunction may be more trouble than they are looking for.

Note: Some people are sensitive to dysfunctions like this one and avoid them like the plague. It's like an odor that the dysfunctional person can't smell.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm not a Lady.

I was griped at one time for not "letting people in" by a professional consouler...Said I had my Shields powered up like the the Starship Enterprise.

Well, making a long story short it took a few years to hand crank those Shields down and several months lots of hard work and some mental pain to get them down to where I could have any kind of a reasonable "normal" relationship.

I would have to say it depends on why someone is emotional unavailable.

The difference between a simple and complex dysfunction may be more trouble than they are looking for.

Note: Some people are sensitive to dysfunctions like this one and avoid them like the plague. It's like an odor that the dysfunctional person can't smell.

I usta see a therapist who preached that shit, and then one night his son died. And he sat there like Kuhlijah until I called him a fraud, and shamed him into going home to his family.

It took me a long time to learn that its often best to be inscrutable and quiet, unless the event demands excitement.

 

[LadyVer]

I suggest you apply your maxim where it fits.

I did. I was speaking generally. You brought up standards, which made me think of what I said. It sounds like you're taking it personally when my statement was meant in general, and since you and I have never started anything, it doesn't have anything to do with me. But you could be in one of your FO moods, which makes more sense.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I did. I was speaking generally. You brought up standards, which made me think of what I said. It sounds like you're taking it personally when my statement was meant in general, and since you and I have never started anything, it doesn't have anything to do with me. But you could be in one of your FO moods, which makes more sense.

You must be psychic! FO

 

[LadyVer]

You must be psychic! FO

You're pretty predictable.

 

[Fuckette]

it means they are too cheap to pay for a hooker

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You're pretty predictable.

And youre not worth the candle.

Lets agree to hate each other and use IGGY to keep the peace. Ciao

 

[LadyVer]

And youre not worth the candle.

Lets agree to hate each other and use IGGY to keep the peace. Ciao

So now we hate each other? News to me. You didn't like my original comment, which is fine. It sounds like it would probably give you some peace of mind to ig me.

 

[iforgotthejoke]

Thanks for the opinions

Thanks for the opinions. The little spat was an unfortunate side effect.

 

[Hypoxia]

How about if I'm emotionally available, but physically I don't give a shit?

 

[Emerson40]

Thanks for the opinions. The little spat was an unfortunate side effect.

Thread drifts (and sometimes even the occasional spat) can happen - don't sweat it too much.

It was great to see you received some good responses. Curious, in your original post you state you've seen the phrase "emotionally unavailable"... where did you see this that it sparked your curiosity? Just wondering.

Welcome to the boards BTW.

 

[johnnieblue44]

You must be psychic! FO

I almost went out with a psychic once.

But she called it off before we ever went out, so I figured she must be really good at her profession.

Or, maybe she was just "emotionally unavailable", now that I think about it.

Yeah, that must've been it.

 

[INeedLove]

To add to what others have said (and at the risk of beating a dead horse):

Emotionally unavailable people don't/can't/won't invest in getting involved in a relationship (be it a friendship or more). They are shut off to that closeness. It's a protective mechanism for many. They might banter and flirt or chat generally but they won't share personal info.


I admire the gentleman (FGB) above who worked with a counselor to break through his barriers. It's hard work. You can't do it for anyone other than yourself.