Editor needed for a story about gender-bending

[hylas_]

Hey there! I've written an erotic story which is more complex than anything I've written so far. I would like to bounce it off somebody and get some feedback before publishing it.

The story is almost 4000 words long, and the main themes are gender-bending, male submission, bisexuality, and interracial sex. The main character is an obnoxious white young man who one day wakes up with a vagina. The story then follows the erotic adventures he has in this new state with both women and men, and how he learns humility in the process.

My main concerns are:
- Is the story comprehensible?
- Large paragraphs are non-erotic. Are those paragraphs interesting enough?
- Is the story offensive? (To women, transgendered people, people of african heritage)
- And, ultimately, is the story any good?

I would also appreciate some "general editing", in terms of language, style, grammar, and such. English is not my first language, but I'm quite confident about my basic language skills.

I'm in no hurry with this, as I'm simultaniously working on various stories.

Let me know if you're interested! Thanks!

 

[sr71plt]

It sounds interesting. I could help with all but the third one: "Is it offensive?" There's not much of anything that isn't going to be taken as offensive by someone. That is especially so on Literotica on the topic you're writing on, because bisexuality from a male perspective does not have a comfortable home in the Literotica categories.

If you don't get a better offer and, upon checking my story file, believe I might help you, feel free to send a PM to me for an e-mail address where to send it. I write bisexual stories but post few at Literotica. You can check out my most recent one, "Summer of Denial," that was in the Summer Loving contest here (http://www.literotica.com/s/summer-of-denial).

 

[hylas_]

I'm now working with an editor on this. There can always be more, of course, but I thought I should mention it.

 

[hylas_]

Here's the story, edited and all! Let me know what you think!

http://www.literotica.com/s/raven-2003

The editor would like to remain anonymous (not just for this story but in general), but it was a real pleasure working with you! Thanks!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Here's the story, edited and all! Let me know what you think!

http://www.literotica.com/s/raven-2003

The editor would like to remain anonymous (not just for this story but in general), but it was a real pleasure working with you! Thanks!

And who can blame them!

I didn't score it.

My inner child hummed the theme from TWILIGHT ZONE after I started reading, so I stopped reading and backed away from it slowly.