Editor for a loving couples story?

[madkins007]

Hey, everyone. My username is Paladin, and I love to write. I may be so-so at best, but I have a lot of fun with it. I've just finished a story loosely based on an alternative, non-incest version of TalkMan's "You Couldn't Handle Me". I usually post at the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive, but this story does not have any mind control in it, so...

The story, "Couldn't Handle It" is written in Google Drive, so I can provide it in any format you want. It is at 10,295 words.

I can also provide sample paragraphs if it helps.

Thanks for helping us struggling writers!

 

[LadyVer]

So, this is mind control or incest, or what? Sorry, I'm confused.

 

[PaladinInBlack]

Sorry- I tried to make that clear. No incest, no mind control.

It is a story about a very sexual woman that became a rather self-centered bitch that gets married to a pretty normal man. After several years of trying to live denying herself and not doing a good job of it, decides to enlist her frustrated husband's help to make her a better, and satisfied, person.

A little anal, a little female-female, no cuckolding. Some tags might be big tits, busty, nymphomania, and so on.

 

[LadyVer]

Thanks for clariifing. Sounded interesting until the F-F came into it.

 

[PaladinInBlack]

The FF plays a small role and is not very explicit. Here is a sample of one of those passages...

To set the scene, Bell, the female lead, is working with her husband of 17 years, James, to find a way to have more mutually satisfying sex, and they are talking about some of the things they have done in the last 17 years. Bell is speaking about her friend, Kelsey.

............................

“Well... a lot of the times we got together.. we sorta hung out in clubs so I could be her wingman as she would hook up with guys.” Seeing the alarm on James’ face made her quickly added “You have to know that I never did anything that crossed the line... but I may have pushed it... hard... a few times. You know, dancing with guys who would grab my ass, and be slow to get them to move it. A few times, Kelsey and I would... um... you know, kiss and stuff to get guys to pay attention to her. Sometimes, afterwards, we... well... we sometimes went to her place and cuddled. I... we... she and I may have crossed a line a few times, we certainly pushed it a lot, but I swear I never crossed it with any of those guys.” James mentioned that he often wondered why her clothes smelled so odd after outings with Kelsey.

...............................

Later, there is a MFF fantasy scene that has a few sentences that are a little more explicit.

However, I fully understand how just a short bit that you don't like can mess up a whole story so if you are not up for it, I understand and appreciate your willingness to help others.

 

[LadyVer]

You need to turn your pm's on.

 

[PaladinInBlack]

Oops, thought I did that already.

I have re-done those sections so there is no more FF at all, and I think it helped the story.

 

[PaladinInBlack]

Oops, thought I did that already.

I have re-done those sections so there is no more FF at all, and I think it helped the story.

Oh, and PMs are on.