Dun Dun Dunnnnnn

[LetteEnvy18]

I do believe I posted something a few months ago about bringing up the topic of bdsm to my bf, but I cant remember and i'm too lazy to go look now but!

I was talking to a friend the other day after work and we got on the subject of me and my mans relationship. We are a strictly nilla couple, much to my dislike, but she told me something along the lines of this,

"J is dominate, he likes to be in control and be some what controlling."

I have no problem with it whats so ever! But it did get me thinking, if someone who he is not even fucking can tell he's dominate....well damn I may be in luck then. Teehee.

So just wondering by the sounds of it, can people be dominate outside of the bedroom but not in it?

If that even makes sense? hah

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I do believe I posted something a few months ago about bringing up the topic of bdsm to my bf, but I cant remember and i'm too lazy to go look now but!

I was talking to a friend the other day after work and we got on the subject of me and my mans relationship. We are a strictly nilla couple, much to my dislike, but she told me something along the lines of this,

"J is dominate, he likes to be in control and be some what controlling."

I have no problem with it whats so ever! But it did get me thinking, if someone who he is not even fucking can tell he's dominate....well damn I may be in luck then. Teehee.

So just wondering by the sounds of it, can people be dominate outside of the bedroom but not in it?

If that even makes sense? hah

no it doesn't. as recently pointed out, dominate is a verb.

To answer your question, yes, of course they can. Just like there are people who dominate their public lives, but submit in private. And people who are submissive in public, and dominant in private. It could be that he's "wired" to be dominant in private, but for whatever reason it just doesn't get him off, or he's uninterested in discovering whether it would. That's perfectly valid as well.

 

[J D Danger]

it is very common for men and women who have jobs and lives where they have to be in charge and make choices most of the time...to need the release of having someone else take charge during any downtime they do have

so short answer to your question is yes...but he can also be the Dom in both places if he wants to be

 

[BiBunny]

Social and sexual dominance are not the same thing.

 

[DVS]

Some people who have stressful day to day lives can subconsciously enjoy the release of someone else taking control in their sexual lives. Many corporate executives tend to be sexually submissive because the stress of dealing with the corporate world every day.

Some people who have active lives, maybe keeping the household in order, volunteering for organizations and basically always keeping a full social schedule can also be subconsciously drawn to submission. This can also go the other way. People with boring jobs with no real mental stimulus can desire a more dominant sex life. None of this is a given, meaning your day to day life doesn't have to control your sexual desires. It's just something that can happen.

People with stressful day to day lives can still be dominant in their sexual desires and demure daytime personalities can still be submissive sexually. So, if your friend sees your boyfriend as dominant, she could be right, and she could be wrong. It isn't easy to tell if someone is sexually one way or the other. I've been with enough women to know there is no pattern as far as submission goes. A stressful job can lead someone to being submissive, but it just as easily might not. Obviously, there are other factors involved.

Because there is no rule that always works, it's not easy to know the sexual orientation of your boyfriend. If he has a job in which he is a controlling personality, his controlling ways might not carry over into his sex life. You should just come out and ask him. Talking to him is the best way to find out.