pabloback
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2001
- Posts
- 8,255
just to prove that there are dumbfucks down under as well
BRISBANE IDIOT
The North Shore Times News crime column reported that a man walked into Brisbane McDonalds at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because she said she couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they weren't available until 10:30 am as only the breakfast menu was on offer.
Frustrated, the man walked away.
EARLWOOD IDIOTS
Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM machine, on Parramatta rd by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their Toyota Landcruiser, but instead of pulling the front panel off the Machine they pulled the bumper off their 4WD. Scared, and attracting attention from oncoming traffic, they left the scene and drove home, with the chain Still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. No, they did not use a stolen car and yes it was all captured on the security camera. Guess who was knocking on their door, five minutes later.
WOLLONGONG IDIOTS
A man walked into a Seven-Eleven, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer? Fifteen dollars.
ROOTY HILL IDIOT
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window with all his might. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Apparently, the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. And the whole event was caught on videotape, which the store
owner consequently sold for use on TV.
CAMPBELLTOWN IDIOT
As a female shopper exited the Campbelltown K-Mart in Queen Street, a man grabbed her purse and ran. A shop assistant at K-Mart called the Police immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher, trying to mingle in the shopping crowd on Queen Street. They put him in the car and drove back to the K-Mart store. The thief was then taken out
of the car and up to the K-Mart front desk and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied; "Yes, Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
PORT MACQUARIE IDIOT
When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a Port Macquarie street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal petrol and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
He had tried to siphon the petrol by first sucking it up the hose. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Subject: Englishman, South African & Aussie...
Give em all they deserve.....!
A South African was sitting with an Aussie and an Englishman in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them.
They were initially given the death sentence but contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:
"It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping, but you can not wish to not be whipped!"
The Englishman thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Englishman cried in pain.
The Aussie saw this and said: "Please tie 2 pillows to my back before whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes. The Aussie stood up smiling.
The South African saw this but before he could make his wish, the Sheikh said: "As you are from South Africa with all that crime, a cricket team who is always losing in a final and a rugby team who can't win anything, you are permitted to have two wishes!"
The South African thought for a second, then said: "Thank you most royal and Merciful Highness. My first wish is to receive a hundred lashes with the strongest, toughest whip available."
"If you so desire," the Sheikh replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
"Tie the Aussie to my back"
BRISBANE IDIOT
The North Shore Times News crime column reported that a man walked into Brisbane McDonalds at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because she said she couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they weren't available until 10:30 am as only the breakfast menu was on offer.
Frustrated, the man walked away.
EARLWOOD IDIOTS
Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM machine, on Parramatta rd by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their Toyota Landcruiser, but instead of pulling the front panel off the Machine they pulled the bumper off their 4WD. Scared, and attracting attention from oncoming traffic, they left the scene and drove home, with the chain Still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. No, they did not use a stolen car and yes it was all captured on the security camera. Guess who was knocking on their door, five minutes later.
WOLLONGONG IDIOTS
A man walked into a Seven-Eleven, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer? Fifteen dollars.
ROOTY HILL IDIOT
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window with all his might. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Apparently, the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. And the whole event was caught on videotape, which the store
owner consequently sold for use on TV.
CAMPBELLTOWN IDIOT
As a female shopper exited the Campbelltown K-Mart in Queen Street, a man grabbed her purse and ran. A shop assistant at K-Mart called the Police immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher, trying to mingle in the shopping crowd on Queen Street. They put him in the car and drove back to the K-Mart store. The thief was then taken out
of the car and up to the K-Mart front desk and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied; "Yes, Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
PORT MACQUARIE IDIOT
When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a Port Macquarie street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal petrol and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
He had tried to siphon the petrol by first sucking it up the hose. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Subject: Englishman, South African & Aussie...
Give em all they deserve.....!
A South African was sitting with an Aussie and an Englishman in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them.
They were initially given the death sentence but contested this and were finally imprisoned for life. But as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:
"It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping, but you can not wish to not be whipped!"
The Englishman thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Englishman cried in pain.
The Aussie saw this and said: "Please tie 2 pillows to my back before whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes. The Aussie stood up smiling.
The South African saw this but before he could make his wish, the Sheikh said: "As you are from South Africa with all that crime, a cricket team who is always losing in a final and a rugby team who can't win anything, you are permitted to have two wishes!"
The South African thought for a second, then said: "Thank you most royal and Merciful Highness. My first wish is to receive a hundred lashes with the strongest, toughest whip available."
"If you so desire," the Sheikh replies with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
"Tie the Aussie to my back"
