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Dumb Joke thread

Eumenides

Eumenides

I Am Little Spoon
Joined
Aug 10, 2002
Posts
24,371
A man went to the pharmacy and picked up some condoms. Upon returning home, his wife asked him why he got so many. The man responded eagerly that they had them in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze, and that he had gotten some of each. He began opening a package of gold, and his wife stopped him.

"Honey, why don't you put on the silver? I'd like you to cum second for once."
 
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says,"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, "What's wrong with you?" In a very weak voice the little guy says,"Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around."


hee hee
 
Heard this one during lunch today:

Two whales are cruising the ocean and spot a ship heading their way. One, lets call him Larry, says to the other; "Lets go over there and blow bubles underneath one side of it and sink the ship." The other whale, lets call him Bart, is game so they proceed to swim over and blow bubbles underneath the port side of the sip. It rolls over and plummets to the bottom of the ocean.

Larry spots two men swimming away from the sunken ship and says; " Hey, lets go get those guys!"

Bart says: " Look, I have no problem with the blowjob but Im not eating the seamen!"
 
Once there was this guy, Juan. He was an all-around good guy. He was good to his wife, good to his kids, and God noticed that. One day, God came down from heaven and said, "Hey, Juan, I'm impressed with you. You are a good guy who is good to his wife, good to his kids, and you deserve to be rewarded. I'm going to make you a senator."

Juan was excited, and when he woke the next morning, he was a senator. A year goes by and God looks down. Juan was still a good guy: good to his wife, good to his kids, and God noticed that."Hey, Juan, I'm impressed with you. I've given you more power, more money and you are still a good guy who is good to his wife, good to his kids, and you deserve to be rewarded. I'm going to make you the President."

Juan was psyched. He went to bed and awoke the next morning as president. A year goes by and all is well. God comes down: "Hey, Juan, I'm impressed with you. I've given you tons of power, lots of money, and you are still a good guy who is good to his wife, good to his kids, and you deserve to be rewarded. I'm going to make you ruler of the world."

Now Juan is barely able to sleep, but he finally falls asleep and awakens as ruler of the world. Well, a year goes by and God looks down on Juan. He's lounging in the back of a limo with alligator boots and luggage, sipping on a liquer, and a prostitute at each shoulder.

God is ticked off! "Juan! I'm disappointed in you. All I have done for you and you disrespect me like this!"

God shoots Juan with a golf gun.
 
What do you call a blond standing om her head?
 
Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him:

"Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go..."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a vet."
 
It takes too long to retrain them.




~ Because they cant seem to fit 8 cups into that little package!!



Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
 
~ becasue you have to hollow out the head.



yeah i know its mean.. but its the season of snow!

:)

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21, 21, 21." A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21,21,21". Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle, and she jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail, counting, "22, 22 , 22."
 
really really dumb joke

Diarrhea is considered heredatary...it runs in the jeans!









skyflame
 
laffs

that hole in Juan joke was too cute, reminded me of a joke my friend told the other day (I hope no one takes offense)



what do you call two mexicans playing basketball?



Juan on Juan
 
The first thing to go is the memory (i love this joke)

An 80-year-old couple was having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replied, "Sure."

She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:
"I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
 
Four nuns are standing at Heaven's Gate talking to St. Peter. He asks the first one if she has had any kind of sexual contact in her duration as a nun. Reluctantly she says she has looked at a man's penis. He tells her to splash some holy water in her eyes, forgives her and lets her into heaven.

He asks the second nun the same question. Reluctantly she says she has touched a man's penis. He forgives her and tells her to wash her hands in the holy water, and lets her into heaven.

As the second nun was doing this, the third and fourth nuns swapped positions. He asks the thrid nun why they did this. She replies "I'm not gargling that holy water after she's dipped her ass in it!"

:D
 
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
 
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