Dress code

[Xelebes]

I don't think it is, my shyness is pretty much completely about sexual things, other things I'm just unmotivated to talk to them.

Fair enough. Just don't use shyness as an excuse. It only makes it more fun for her. Oh wait...

 

[Aeroil]

Fair enough. Just don't use shyness as an excuse. It only makes it more fun for her. Oh wait...

Fun for her is great, but It's preferable for me for it not to be at my expence lol.
Then again, that's not my call....

 

[Marquis]

Fair enough. Just don't use shyness as an excuse. It only makes it more fun for her. Oh wait...

Although it'll doubtlessly mean less from me, I gotta join Silverlily in giving you props for your statements, but more importantly for partying!

Listen to this man Aeroil, he's trying to help you out here. Don't use your elitism as an excuse, it's just a self protection mechanism.

 

[laurel-marie]

I think this thread has become a crime scene.




Just a thought on what you are discussing(at least I think I get some of the gist) and if I am off the mark just take the info as lagniappe...
When one is forced to step outside their confort zone, as long as the person doing the forcing is someone you have trust in, it is a highly erotic act composed of two main parts:the act itself and the fullfilling the pleasures of your Dom/me. So just relax.

 

[Aeroil]

I've lost interest in this thread, it's gotten far far too abstract.
Back to Dresscodes!!!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<snip> I'm pretty elitist, it's very rare that I'll find someone I like, and unless I'm around one of them I'm usually very withdrawn and stoic.

Aeroil, my young friend, you will find that the attendees at BDSM parties/play parties will, on average, be nearly two decades older than you are, with concomitant experience. This means that in a decent-sized group - say fifty or so - you are quite likely to find 12-20 who, despite their age difference, are at about the same level of maturity you are, and from those, 6-10 who share interests and/or viewpoints with you - or can discuss some of those interests from a viewpoint you may not have reached yet.

At 50, give or take a few years, I had close acquaintances in the Tampa area BDSM groups ranging in age from 18 to 80 - literally! - with whom I could discuss and debate almost anything in which I had an interest. Get out in the world and meet the people around you. Some of them will be worthless, some will be average "Hi, how are ya, see ya around" types, and some will be treasures of knowledge and intellect and shared amusement at life... and after a few minutes or hours of talk, you'll realize their age and sex don't matter - only the sharing of the wonders of your minds.

[/Sermon]

 

[schmerzgarten]

I don't think it is, my shyness is pretty much completely about sexual things, other things I'm just unmotivated to talk to them.

A - Maybe you need to just get out there and bottom like a slut in a club setting. Wallah, cure for shyness and you'll have a better sense of what groovy possibilities exist. My 2 cents, you're being a little too cerebral about all this...speaking as someone who has and does fall into that lil mental cage.

Best, sw

 

[Xelebes]

My social anxieties, are not so much about clothes, though there are some things that make me feel pretty ridiculous to wear, like the time I let a gf dress me up in raver clothes...

I have never dressed candy before. Generally I like my plain clothes but yeah, being dressed up in that sort of clothes would be more humiliating (and fun) than dressed in skin tight clothes. Personally, I have no problem with walking around a bunch of people naked - however it doesn't do a thing for me sexually. Raised with nudist parents does that to you.

 

[Killishandra]

Raised with nudist parents does that to you.

Yay, I wasn't the only one.

Were you, by any chance, raised in a poly setting? I swear, all factors combined, I had one of the most unusual upbringings I know of.

 

[Xelebes]

Yay, I wasn't the only one.

Were you, by any chance, raised in a poly setting? I swear, all factors combined, I had one of the most unusual upbringings I know of.

My parents were not polys. My parents were strictly monogamous and very fruitful in that regard (I have five siblings). You could also say that while they were nudists, they were quite conservative in most other respects concerning religion and politics. Their basic reasoning was taking of the first few chapters of Genesis - that nudity was innocence or something and applying it to their luxury time.

 

[Marquis]

My parents were not polys. My parents were strictly monogamous and very fruitful in that regard (I have five siblings). You could also say that while they were nudists, they were quite conservative in most other respects concerning religion and politics. Their basic reasoning was taking of the first few chapters of Genesis - that nudity was innocence or something and applying it to their luxury time.

Did they swing?

 

[Killishandra]

My parents were not polys. My parents were strictly monogamous and very fruitful in that regard (I have five siblings). You could also say that while they were nudists, they were quite conservative in most other respects concerning religion and politics. Their basic reasoning was taking of the first few chapters of Genesis - that nudity was innocence or something and applying it to their luxury time.

Oh.. My dad has 10 children with 6 different wives/partners. Plus, my mother had a boy child with another man besides my father... so I have 10 siblings (plus me is 11) total. Also, my half-siblings have half-siblings who are part of the family and I consider siblings. I only grew up, though, with 6 of the 10 siblings (the others are much older, from two of my dad's previous women, and live on the mainland.) I was raised mostly by my mom, dad, and stepmom, who lived together until I was three and my mother broke off... But even after that, I jumped back and forth between houses every year or so and both my moms were good friends until my (biological) mom passed away a few years ago.

Anyway, I think my parents were nude alot cause they are just comfortable with who they are. Plus, they all used to be hippies... and I guess some habits are hard to break.

 

[Xelebes]

Did they swing?

They did not swing.

 

[snowy ciara]

Aeroil, my young friend, you will find that the attendees at BDSM parties/play parties will, on average, be nearly two decades older than you are, with concomitant experience. This means that in a decent-sized group - say fifty or so - you are quite likely to find 12-20 who, despite their age difference, are at about the same level of maturity you are, and from those, 6-10 who share interests and/or viewpoints with you - or can discuss some of those interests from a viewpoint you may not have reached yet.

At 50, give or take a few years, I had close acquaintances in the Tampa area BDSM groups ranging in age from 18 to 80 - literally! - with whom I could discuss and debate almost anything in which I had an interest. Get out in the world and meet the people around you. Some of them will be worthless, some will be average "Hi, how are ya, see ya around" types, and some will be treasures of knowledge and intellect and shared amusement at life... and after a few minutes or hours of talk, you'll realize their age and sex don't matter - only the sharing of the wonders of your minds.

[/Sermon]

What he said. Nudity and such is still a big old huge hot button with me, and that's just casual hangin' around the house nudity, much less at the bdsm club parties. Sexy stuff, well, things are getting a little easier. But, getting out into the community here has done wonders for me. One of the nicest, most approachable (read non-threatening) guys here is a 60-ish gentleman sub whom will try to help you answer anything.

Anyway, I still don't play at all, and only flirt a little bit face to face with a few people, but it helps to get out with these folks, if only because sometimes I need a reminder that my sexuality is not as strange as it seems.

 

[graceanne]

I'm married to a redneck, so the only time he notices what I'm wearing is if I'm naked.

Well, that's not entirely true. If we're going someplace and I'm wearing sweats he'll ask me to change. And he wants to get me a shirt that shows some cleavedge, since most shirts for people with boobs like mine are granny shirts. (As in they cover me up to my neck.)

But I can get all decked out, makeup on, hair done, heals and everything, and he won't notice until I say "How do I look?". Or I can be in sweats and a t shirt, and he won't notice. It's actually really irritating.

 

[Aeroil]

Aeroil, my young friend, you will find that the attendees at BDSM parties/play parties will, on average, be nearly two decades older than you are, with concomitant experience. This means that in a decent-sized group - say fifty or so - you are quite likely to find 12-20 who, despite their age difference, are at about the same level of maturity you are, and from those, 6-10 who share interests and/or viewpoints with you - or can discuss some of those interests from a viewpoint you may not have reached yet.

At 50, give or take a few years, I had close acquaintances in the Tampa area BDSM groups ranging in age from 18 to 80 - literally! - with whom I could discuss and debate almost anything in which I had an interest. Get out in the world and meet the people around you. Some of them will be worthless, some will be average "Hi, how are ya, see ya around" types, and some will be treasures of knowledge and intellect and shared amusement at life... and after a few minutes or hours of talk, you'll realize their age and sex don't matter - only the sharing of the wonders of your minds.

[/Sermon]

wow, lot of responces, not sure where to start. (well obviously I've chosen winston)
First, everyone always says to me "just get out there" as if it's the easiest thing one could do do, like flicking a switch, for the life of me I've never understood that.
now, second, I know age and gender don't matter, but I'm quite the introvert and most people I'm around just tire me out before too long. I do know a few, like you said, actually your description is very accurate, in some respects I even think they make me a better person.
anyway I actually have to go now, I will return shortly

 

[Xelebes]

wow, lot of responces, not sure where to start. (well obviously I've chosen winston)
First, everyone always says to me "just get out there" as if it's the easiest thing one could do do, like flicking a switch, for the life of me I've never understood that.

It's because it is. Just relax - knock back a drink and just spark up a conversation. If you need time alone for a few minutes, you can head outside and get some fresh air and then head right back in.

 

[Marquis]

They did not swing.

As far as you know.

 

[Marquis]

It's because it is. Just relax - knock back a drink and just spark up a conversation. If you need time alone for a few minutes, you can head outside and get some fresh air and then head right back in.

Yes, drinking will help you Aeroil. I suggest you start drinking heavily.

 

[Xelebes]

Yes, drinking will help you Aeroil. I suggest you start drinking heavily.

Not heavily necessarily. I mean, I drink girly drinks and only one for the whole party. I like my sobriety.

 

[Xelebes]

As far as you know.

I'm pretty sure they don't. Remember, pretty much everything has been, ahem, exposed.

 

[snowy ciara]

First, everyone always says to me "just get out there" as if it's the easiest thing one could do do, like flicking a switch, for the life of me I've never understood that.

'Scuse the heck out of me, Aeroil, but offline I'm terminally shy too, y'know. As in, kat literally had to drag me to my senior prom under pain of death. I was salutatorian of my senior class and I started throwing up 3 days in advance before the practice ceremony where I had to try out my speech. I don't even remember the actual ceremony; it just passed in an adrenalin rushed blur of sweat, fear and nausea.

No excuses hon. I know it's scary and terrifying and nausea inducing, (even if you're not playing at the dungeon party.) but if you're not even gonna try to go, then I don't have any sympathy for you. Lets put it this way... The munches take place at a restaurant here. I maybe manage a drink when I'm there. My stomach's too upset for solid food. I'm a little more comfortable, but the munches attract the most newbs, so they're scarier in some ways than the parties.

The parties.... OMG the parties. Even though I don't play, even in private, I still don't eat the day of the parties. I don't want to disgrace myself by hurling every time someone looks at me.

You've got to try getting out there if you want any sympathy from me. It's a hard ass attitude I know, but I'm doing it. If I can do it, you should be able to, too.

 

[Aeroil]

Yes, drinking will help you Aeroil. I suggest you start drinking heavily.

I don't drink, nor do I ever intend to, and I'd like to avoid bars if possible.

'Scuse the heck out of me, Aeroil, but offline I'm terminally shy too, y'know. As in, kat literally had to drag me to my senior prom under pain of death. I was salutatorian of my senior class and I started throwing up 3 days in advance before the practice ceremony where I had to try out my speech. I don't even remember the actual ceremony; it just passed in an adrenalin rushed blur of sweat, fear and nausea.

No excuses hon. I know it's scary and terrifying and nausea inducing, (even if you're not playing at the dungeon party.) but if you're not even gonna try to go, then I don't have any sympathy for you. Lets put it this way... The munches take place at a restaurant here. I maybe manage a drink when I'm there. My stomach's too upset for solid food. I'm a little more comfortable, but the munches attract the most newbs, so they're scarier in some ways than the parties.

The parties.... OMG the parties. Even though I don't play, even in private, I still don't eat the day of the parties. I don't want to disgrace myself by hurling every time someone looks at me.

You've got to try getting out there if you want any sympathy from me. It's a hard ass attitude I know, but I'm doing it. If I can do it, you should be able to, too.

Sympathy? last I checked I was prefectly find with who I was, I'm not asking for sympathy. All of you are still confusing me, I'm not afraid of people at all, I'm not afraid of going out in public (wearing normal clothes lol), but most of all I'm not interested in having a plethora of friends.

Now, as for getting involved in the BDSM community, I've hunted around a bit for one in kamloops, perhaps I should start looking a bit more, I am interested in possibly getting involved in that...

 

[Killishandra]

I think you should all get off Aeroil's back.

Like he said, not everyone is interested in having a plethora of friends. I have a large social life now, but I remember being much more withdrawn in high school and being perfectly happy with that. People change, and even if they DON'T, it's not necessary for everyone to hunger after immense social experiences.

Aeroil, I think you have a great sense of humor and you're bound to find kindred spirits at some munches.

Personally, I'm glad to see you standing up for yourself in this thread. Everyone who's harping on you about being pusillanimous should just take a look at the fact that you aren't letting THEM push you around.

 

[Aeroil]

I think you should all get off Aeroil's back.

Like he said, not everyone is interested in having a plethora of friends. I have a large social life now, but I remember being much more withdrawn in high school and being perfectly happy with that. People change, and even if they DON'T, it's not necessary for everyone to hunger after immense social experiences.

Aeroil, I think you have a great sense of humor and you're bound to find kindred spirits at some munches.

Personally, I'm glad to see you standing up for yourself in this thread. Everyone who's harping on you about being pusillanimous should just take a look at the fact that you aren't letting THEM push you around.

Thank you very much Killishandra.