Don'tcha Hate It When???
- Thread starter TN_Vixen
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TN_Vixen
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when you start to light up a smoke and realize that you're not holding a cigarette and you catch your hair on fire and everyone around you begins to beat the fire out that's erupted on your face and you end up this massive gooey burned mess?
Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
TN_Vixen
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when you've stopped at a gas station and start to fill up the tank but step in a puddle of gasoline that begins to eat at the flesh of your leg and you're shaking it, trying to get it off, but it just keeps on creeping and climbing until it's up to your bush that you have neglected to trim for so damn long and then, all the sudden, combustion happens and you're running around the parking lot slapping at your crotch as people gape, stare and point at you?
Yeah, that's a bitch.
Yeah, that's a bitch.
TN_Vixen
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when you're at the Lit Board and you're talking to someone who makes you so horny that your pussy is hot and throbbing and you want to cum, but you can't find anything to use to satisfy yourself so you use last week's newspaper folded up to stroke your clit and then the next morning you see all this print on your thighs and your puss and wonder how you're going to explain THAT to your husband?
TN_Vixen
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So, the other day I was at work, just talking on the phone, and suddenly the earphone began to buzz, and my ear exploded and coworkers gathered around and I was grasping my ear and howling and then, Bruce Willis appeared and asked me if I saw dead people. surreal, but it happend. Don'tcha just hate that?
TN_Vixen
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when you're watching TV and you click onto the Discovery channel? And all the sudden you want to wrestle an aligator to the ground? So, you go outside and find one who's trapped in this little fetid pond and you begin to wrestle, but you're not as quick as that Aussie dood, so you're hand gets snapped off in his jaw and you're running around with blood pumping grotesquely out of the stump of your fist and yelling.. "Bloody damn, someone fucking get me the am-BU-lance!"
Yeah, hate it when that happens.
Yeah, hate it when that happens.
Problem Child
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Yeah, I know. Like, this one time, I was working at Mcdonald's and I was, like, the french fry manager, and this chick Debbie was working the register and she had, like, this really great ass, and I was staring at it and accidentally put my hand in the deep fryer and didn't notice it because I have this rare disease where I have no nerves in my body. So, like, anyway the timer went off and I filled up the little fry box and then the little kid in the backseat of the car at the drive-thru said "Hey mommy, these meat fries are really good!" and then I noticed all the fingers on my left hand were burned off, but it was all good cuz, like, I like to make kids happy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
TN_Vixen
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So, the other day I was just chatting with a good time friend when all the sudden a bird decided to defecate on my head. I was pissed off. I mean, PISSED off, so, I chased the bastard around the park and ended up falling flat on my face when I stumbled over a nekkid chick sunning her buns on the green green grass. Well, I tried to play it off, but she spit in my eye and I was forced to limp around the square with bird shit on my head and chick spit in my eye.
I fuckin' hate it when that happens.
I fuckin' hate it when that happens.
TN_Vixen
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y'know, I have a friend who likes to bite the tops off of glass beer bottles. All of us have tried and tried to dissuade him from this practice, but this one time? He did it, and the brown glass slit through his upper lip and sprayed a fine mist of blood over us all. We were disgusted, but also egged him on to swallow the piece of glass he'd chewed off, well..
next thing you know, he did it (fucking idiot) and it severed his jugular and we turned up the music and danced in his blood.
Yeah, what a bitch for him, hm?
next thing you know, he did it (fucking idiot) and it severed his jugular and we turned up the music and danced in his blood.
Yeah, what a bitch for him, hm?
Pamela
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Don'tcha Hate It When....
You're riding your bike barefoot and get your toe caught in the spokes....and you flip over the bike...bashing your head against the pavement....and rip your toe off...and while dizzy and screaming in pain....looking for your toe...the neighbourhood dog comes over...you think to help you....but he takes your toe and eats it!
That fucking dog!!
You're riding your bike barefoot and get your toe caught in the spokes....and you flip over the bike...bashing your head against the pavement....and rip your toe off...and while dizzy and screaming in pain....looking for your toe...the neighbourhood dog comes over...you think to help you....but he takes your toe and eats it!
That fucking dog!!
Problem Child
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Well, the thing is that old people need a place to die, so I was working on this old folks home you know, the stinky places that smell like colostomy bags and Lysol, and we were adding on a wing to the building and they had to set all the old people in the parking lot next to us in the sun, which I thought was a bad idea because old people don't handle real hot sun to well, cuz they tend to stroke out and stuff. So anyway this nice old lady was sitting in her wheel chair next to me while I was running the concrete truck, and we were having a nice converstaion about her days in Newark as a prostitute and how she had a prolapsed uterus now and didn't care for that too much, but otherwise her life was okay except for the uterus thing and the fact that her 97-year old boyfriend Bert over in G-wing had bad flatulence, when she started gasping for air and I said "Eunice, are you okay?" but she didn't answer, and I looked around and then lifted her out of her wheelchair and dumped her in the concrete mixer because, hey, the Steelers were playing that night on tv.
Hamletmaschine
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I feel like Roberto Duran in that fight with Sugar Ray ... "no mas ... no mas!"
My stomach hurts.
My stomach hurts.
TN_Vixen
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so, one day I was working at Wendy's and this fucktard came in who jilted me in 6th grade? Well, I was in charge of making the buger patties and so, I just took that patty in the back room and squatted over it and did a number, y'know? Not such a bad thing, but then I flopped a bun on that shit and handed it over.
He was licking his lips in the far window corner.
He was licking his lips in the far window corner.
Problem Child
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TN_Vixen said:
Did he order meat fries with it?
TN_Vixen
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he did, but it wasn't as satisfactory seeing as how we'd talked Jeffrey, the deaf mute into putting his hand into the fryer the day before and had saved his crispy digits in the freezer for someone unsuspecting like the fucktard to my left, but.. y'know. You just can't get enough fried digits, y'know?
TN_Vixen
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and I was walking past a construction site the other day and it so happened that a 9" nail fell from a scaffold and imbedded itself into my ear. I howled and began to thrash on the sidewalk as onlookers snickered behind cupped palms.
I was in pain, and still have a scar to prove it happened.
Fucking bitch, I say.
I was in pain, and still have a scar to prove it happened.
Fucking bitch, I say.
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