Don't you want to bonk some writers over the head?

[CharleyH]

Every woman only WANTS a a guy with a 10 inch cock, who can shoot his cum at 50mph, because thats how women feel cum, battering and pummelling and accosting their cervix.

This and the whole 34XX tits concept bothers me in erotic writing, what bothers you about erotic writing?

 

[Guest]

Every woman only WANTS a a guy with a 10 inch cock, who can shoot his cum at 50mph, because thats how women feel cum, battering and pummelling and accosting their cervix.

This and the whole 34XX tits concept bothers me in erotic writing, what bothers you about erotic writing?

I've already noted elsewhere that I'm getting old, but reading lengthy descriptions of bumping body parts just doesn't do it for me anymore. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt and the tote bag.

Give me at least some character that I can relate to and some semblance of plot, please!

And, yeah, improbable dimensions (male or female) and male sexual stamina that would put the Hulk to shame don't work, either.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

People that don't pay attention to what they are describing.

"he crawled up behind her, pushed her face down to the sheets, and pressed himself into her as she spread her legs, wrapping them around his waist and leaned forward to give him a deep tongue kiss, ri9ding up and down on his cock."

Ok... So is he doing her doggy style from behind, missionary style from in front, or cowgirl style from underneath? Make up your fucking mind and pay attention to what the fuck you are writing!

Oh, and really poor English that looks like it was translated from Japanese to French to German to English through babblefish.

 

[michchick98]

People that don't pay attention to what they are describing.

"he crawled up behind her, pushed her face down to the sheets, and pressed himself into her as she spread her legs, wrapping them around his waist and leaned forward to give him a deep tongue kiss, ri9ding up and down on his cock."

Ok... So is he doing her doggy style from behind, missionary style from in front, or cowgirl style from underneath? Make up your fucking mind and pay attention to what the fuck you are writing!

Oh, and really poor English that looks like it was translated from Japanese to French to German to English through babblefish.

What he said.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

male sexual stamina that would put the Hulk to shame don't work, either.

I read a story where they woke up in the early morning together, had sex, ate lunch, had sex, and went back to bed late at night complaining they had to get up the next morning. Two sex scenes that lasted the entire day. The entire story was filled with these impossibly long scenes. It drove me nuts.

 

[michchick98]

Every woman only WANTS a a guy with a 10 inch cock, who can shoot his cum at 50mph, because thats how women feel cum, battering and pummelling and accosting their cervix.

This and the whole 34XX tits concept bothers me in erotic writing, what bothers you about erotic writing?

The whole concept of mentioning the size of the man's cock or the size of the woman's breasts or length of her nipples bothers me. I've noticed (and no offense intended to anyone) it's mostly men who describe the sizes.

I say leave it to the imagination. Ample breasts, perky breasts, average size breasts, etc, is fine, but something like: "I wrapped my hands around her generous 34DD breasts and massaged her inch long nipples while I rammed my 10" rod into her sopping hole" is really a turn off for me and will more than likely make me not want to read any more of the story.

For one, I can't really envision a woman with 34DD breasts. I know my breast size and that's all that matters. I don't care how big a woman's breasts are, just as I don't care about how big a man's cock is.

And honestly, a man with a dick that big is a real turn-off. I think the woman wouldn't be walking straight for a few days afterward.

Just my opinion.

 

[Weird Harold]

Every woman only WANTS a a guy with a 10 inch cock, who can shoot his cum at 50mph, because thats how women feel cum, battering and pummelling and accosting their cervix.

This and the whole 34XX tits concept bothers me in erotic writing, what bothers you about erotic writing?

What bothers me about some erotic writing is the "It's Only Porn" attitude towards the technical details of grammar, spelling, plot, exposition, dialogue, etc. First and foremost, an erotic writer has to pay attention to the writing or the most erotic idea in the world becomes a boring, unreadable, piece of garbage.

 

[CharleyH]

I get real pissed off with 2nd person writers.

 

[CharleyH]

What bothers me about some erotic writing is the "It's Only Porn" attitude towards the technical details of grammar, spelling, plot, exposition, dialogue, etc. First and foremost, an erotic writer has to pay attention to the writing or the most erotic idea in the world becomes a boring, unreadable, piece of garbage.

Thanks WH - great add.

 

[michchick98]

I get real pissed off with 2nd person writers.

Yeah, that bugs me too. And while it's not necessarily the erotic part of the story, it bugs me when an author can't make up his/her mind which tense of verb to use.

And dialogue. Man, it bugs me when people can't 'format' dialogue properly. This is a never ending battle in stories I edit. They don't know when to use a comma or a period (and sometimes a question mark or exclamation mark) at the end of the dialogue.

I see this all the time:

"John will be home around seven." Mary said.

HELLO! It's a friggin' comma if you're using 'tags' (he said, she said, etc)

or

"Did John say he would be home around seven." Mary asked.

No, she didn't ask because you forgot the friggin' question mark.

or

"Oh my god, the Detroit Lions won their first game of the season on Thanksgiving!" He exclaimed.

(the H in he isn't capitalized! UGH! Oh and the Lions winning their first game....a girl can dream, can't she? LOL)

All right, the editor in me is trying to take over. I'm done now.

 

[3113]

Every woman only WANTS a a guy with a 10 inch cock, who can shoot his cum at 50mph, because thats how women feel cum, battering and pummelling and accosting their cervix.

You mean I got it wrong? "Oh, husband! Looks like you didn't need that penis enlargement operation after all...."

 

[Guest]

You mean I got it wrong? "Oh, husband! Looks like you didn't need that penis enlargement operation after all...."

"Well, damnation, dear... looks like I'm in error as well. Not to worry, though; I've already contacted the agency and they'll send over a 'little person' to walk in front of you and carry your 34XX tits around."

 

[CharleyH]

You mean I got it wrong? "Oh, husband! Looks like you didn't need that penis enlargement operation after all...."

There have been wonderful responses so far and a good discussion is impending. We welcome your opinion.

 

[3113]

All right, the editor in me is trying to take over. I'm done now.

An editor! Hel-LO gorgeous!

 

[Vermilion]

I hate people who jump around too much in their narrative.

It was a Thursday, the first time I saw her. It's two years later now and every time I see her I still feel those same feelings. I remember it was a Thursday because I was having dinner at Chad's that night. Chad is my friend from college days, we've been friends for years - ever since we were kids at middle school together. I was on my way to his house for dinner when I saw her the first time.

I mean gee - how many unnecessary details can you fit into one opening paragraph and please - let me know when it's set and stick with that for at least one paragraph before changing the time on me.

 

[michchick98]

An editor! Hel-LO gorgeous!

Hey, only part time! I do have my own stories to write.

But if you need some editing help, let me know. Just send me a PM.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I get real pissed off with 2nd person writers.

Nothing will make me run away faster! No, wait-- I have a slew of readerly prejudices;

A lack of conflict; I can't read those little "we looked out the resort hotels windows and it was beautiful and he made love to me and it was beautiful." stories. I feel that mild and tender lovemaking is a wonderful thing, but there's no tale in it. It's an episode, and what would make it into a story worth reading would be the contrast between it and the real, workaday world that our couple left and will have to go back to.

A lack of basic grammar. Unless it's funny.

A lack of wit, which is not the same thing as a funny lack of basic grammar.

a lack of empathic acuity; Why do I want to know what these people did? Why does the writer want to tell me? Is it because we both could get off just as hard if we were in these character's shoes? or bed, actually...

A lack of visual acuity. This is the ten-inch dick, 32-DD tits routine.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

My real gripe is men over the age of 19 who come repeatedly without losing their erections. Puh-leeze!

 

[Safe_Bet]

You mean I got it wrong? "Oh, husband! Looks like you didn't need that penis enlargement operation after all...."

Neither does mine!




It bugs me when guys with watermelon sized balls "pumps a quart of cum into her."

It is my "understanding" that a guy ejaculates 1 - 2 tablespoons worth. Is that correct or not? (It ain't a quart I'm DAMN sure)

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Neither does mine!




It bugs me when guys with watermelon sized balls "pumps a quart of cum into her."

It is my "understanding" that a guy ejaculates 1 - 2 tablespoons worth. Is that correct or not? (It ain't a quart I'm DAMN sure)

1-2 Tbs? On a good day after a week of celibacy, maybe.

 

[Stella_Omega]

My real gripe is men over the age of 19 who come repeatedly without losing their erections. Puh-leeze!

Those men tend to be written by women...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Those men tend to be written by women...

Ah, daydreams then.

 

[DeeZire]

I like the anticipation of not knowing what's going to happen. I mean, if it's on LIT, they're probably going to end up screwing, but for me, the most interesting aspect to that scenario is what happens before and after the sex.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ah, daydreams then.

Many women have their own set of impossible-to-realise standards for the opposite sex.

Also, I think some of these women have no idea how men function physically -- for one or another reason.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Many women have their own set of impossible-to-realise standards for the opposite sex.

Also, I think some of these women have no idea how men function physically -- for one or another reason.

Do they need a seminar at Ogilvy Farm?

ROFLMAO