Doms who aren't

[Iwillbeyourbitch]

What to do with all these fake alpha males?
Had a couple lately who came over all macho and hard, but when I called them out,
it turns out they weren't.
Eventually they burst into tears and told me how much they loved me and really wanted to be with me. Bull***t !!!!!!

From this forum too, but I'm not naming names.... Yet!!!! *Laughs*

 

[Miles Long]

What to do with all these fake alpha males?
Had a couple lately who came over all macho and hard, but when I called them out,
it turns out they weren't.
Eventually they burst into tears and told me how much they loved me and really wanted to be with me. Bull***t !!!!!!

From this forum too, but I'm not naming names.... Yet!!!! *Laughs*

I don’t know much about fake alpha doms, but as for bursting into tears out of love I’ve heard it said that love lifts us up where we belong, where the eagles cry on a mountain high. So maybe they were just eagles? I dunno man, it’s a crazy world out there.

 

[htester]

I don't want to make fun of former partners as I've been very lucky with those I interacted with. And I would love if someone told me they loved me and showed emotion doing it. However, I have noticed some guys who (are no longer active on lit) who stated they were doms but more because they felt it was the easiest way to get a partner - When confronted they admitted it, so I wasn't mad and I wished them well on their journey, wherever it takes them -- No doubt they'll figure out what they want and who they actually want to interact with when they return -

 

[lilcuriouscatt]

As a female dominant, I can't attest to what is expected of a male one. But emotions and love are not out of place in long term D/s relationships. If you are not looking for an emotional connection, it might be best to state that upfront.

 

[FAITHandFLESH]

It seems to me the whole D/s thing in a cyber environment is circumspect at best...

 

[Iwillbeyourbitch]

I don’t know much about fake alpha doms, but as for bursting into tears out of love I’ve heard it said that love lifts us up where we belong, where the eagles cry on a mountain high. So maybe they were just eagles? I dunno man, it’s a crazy world out there.

I had the distinct impression that the tears and professions of love were as fake as the domination thing. Attempted controlling behaviour.
Mind you, I could be wrong, I've made plenty of mistakes before.
It certainly is a crazy world, with the cyber-world being much more so than "reality"
where there are at least some checks and balances.

 

[Jada59]

I had the distinct impression that the tears and professions of love were as fake as the domination thing. Attempted controlling behaviour.
Mind you, I could be wrong, I've made plenty of mistakes before.
It certainly is a crazy world, with the cyber-world being much more so than "reality"
where there are at least some checks and balances.

Ho far into it is this happening?

I've had this happen both online and IRL where the guy claims to love me almost at first sight and perhaps three weeks or less into it. Now it could be in some cases they think they are in love with me but that soon into it, is not right. That to me is a needy person and not what I want.

 

[Iwillbeyourbitch]

Ho far into it is this happening?

I've had this happen both online and IRL where the guy claims to love me almost at first sight and perhaps three weeks or less into it. Now it could be in some cases they think they are in love with me but that soon into it, is not right. That to me is a needy person and not what I want.

"Needy" is exactly the word I was looking for! Thanks.

 

[surrenderedfaith]

Aside from the timing and your feeling that it was in genuine... I've no problem with a Dominant being loving, emotionally available, expressive, or even needy. I know that one of my most treasured conversations revolved around neediness. You are certainly allowed to have a need to NOT be emotionally involved or be with a needy person, that is your right.
I myself would never be involved with a-man who WASNT. None of those things are an indicator or negation of dominance.

https://ifunny.co/picture/lowkey-clingy-daddies-are-the-best-do-you-wanna-cuddle-VElQYkug5
https://ifunny.co/picture/lowkey-clingy-daddies-are-the-best-do-you-wanna-cuddle-VElQYkug5


Now what TRULY sucks is when you have had time with a Dom who rocked your world and then he flips the tables and tells you he CAN Dom, but prefers to sub. F***. Lol. Yep. That sucked.

 

[slimsexi]

Long time no post - probably a couple of years - I think there, for me at least, being out in the ‘wilderness’ shall we say, is definitely a personality split when engaged in sexual activities. This is not at all reflected in my personality, which is faultlessly kind and caring (I guess you could argue that’s also dominant in nature, right?).
But whenever the game is on, any parter in front of me is here to receive.

 

[Iwillbeyourbitch]

You have all made valid points in your posts, which I accept and thank you for.
You have broadened my perspective.
However my question is, " Can one build a loving trusting relationship, even D/s, on a dishonest beginning?"
For me the answer I think is No!

 

[AlwaysFara]

9-5 Doms, at work, when their wives aren’t around go through the motions, none of the heart.

I would say maybe take more time out there. There are many amazing strong Alpa men out there, even in this thread, you just have to put in the time.

 

[surrenderedfaith]

You have all made valid points in your posts, which I accept and thank you for.
You have broadened my perspective.
However my question is, " Can one build a loving trusting relationship, even D/s, on a dishonest beginning?"
For me the answer I think is No!

Boy have I got an answer for THAT. Yes. You can. It depends upon the intent of the dishonesty. Was your partner dishonest out of self protection? That has nothing to do with trustworthiness. Were they dishonest out of fear of judgment or retribution? Insecurity? Or fear? You bet. Again, those issues are resolved over time and as your trust in eachother grows so does the honesty.

Were they dishonest out of malice, manipulation, or a desire to take unfairly? Unless the internal mental process that led to it is addressed, it will repeat.

My greatest love was someone who cheated on me within the first weeks, lied to me repeatedly and intentionally... but he remedied it in the sweetest way EVER. and he MEANT it.

He kept things hidden from me for months on end, but the INTENT was never malicious.

My trust was NEVER rocked by that. I would trust that man with my life.

 

[AlwaysFara]

You have all made valid points in your posts, which I accept and thank you for.
You have broadened my perspective.
However my question is, " Can one build a loving trusting relationship, even D/s, on a dishonest beginning?"
For me the answer I think is No!

I agree.

 

[Stilllearning2b]

Men.... do I need to say more?!?

Sadly the BDSM personals and probably the regular personals as well seem ripe for abuse and manipulation. And most likely ignorance.

 

[one_love]

As a female dominant, I can't attest to what is expected of a male one. But emotions and love are not out of place in long term D/s relationships. If you are not looking for an emotional connection, it might be best to state that upfront.

I agree with this with my whole heart. To expand there is no (nor will there ever be) strict rules for D/s relationships and protocols. Hence the paramount importance of negotiation and communication which makes each and every expierece a little different then the last. You do however make a valid point of posers pretending to me something they are not. Welcome to the interwebs * Yet some how were all here. And in a way...all family.

 

[BeautifulBlueSky218]

I met a few Doms in the past and they pretty much scared me off or wasn't really understanding towards my boundaries, so I stopped it before it continued any further. Like others have said, it's scary out there, so you have to be careful. You just have to look out for yourself. That's whats important.

 

[CuteSlaveLisa]

Personally I could not imagine play with one I had not touched the soul of. My lovers, those that I daily place the very existence of my being in... In their loving hands... They could, but never ever would, end me in one of our sessions. I hold nothing back and they reward me.

Love and Kisses

Lisa Ann

 

[Mei5ter]

Just out of interest, since when did alpha males have to be sexually dominant, and when did all sexual dominants have to be stereotypical alpha males?

AFAF...

 

[AlwaysFara]

Just out of interest, since when did alpha males have to be sexually dominant, and when did all sexual dominants have to be stereotypical alpha males?

AFAF...

I agree. Most aren’t. Most truly alpha sexual males I know are ardent femists,, sensitive, treat women as equals, bla bla bla.
Real men don’t have to throw it out for all to see.
Difference between dominant and domineering.

 

[Iwillbeyourbitch]

I agree. Most aren’t. Most truly alpha sexual males I know are ardent femists,, sensitive, treat women as equals, bla bla bla.
Real men don’t have to throw it out for all to see.
Difference between dominant and domineering.

I couldn't agree more!
Lovely observations from both of you.
I cannot remember the wording of the thread header, but did not mean to confuse dominant men and alphas.No reason why a true alpha male would not try submission, on the basis that "If you would lead, first you must follow"
The real point was weeding out the fakes.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I couldn't agree more!
Lovely observations from both of you.
I cannot remember the wording of the thread header, but did not mean to confuse dominant men and alphas.No reason why a true alpha male would not try submission, on the basis that "If you would lead, first you must follow"
The real point was weeding out the fakes.

A man who is interested will take the time. Period.

 

[Iwillbeyourbitch]

I directed the wannabe Doms who kept pestering me, to this thread, and they seem to have disappeared, or at least stopped bothering me. No doubt they will return!
Thank you for all your contributions and comments.

 

[sweettalk4u]

I directed the wannabe Doms who kept pestering me, to this thread, and they seem to have disappeared, or at least stopped bothering me. No doubt they will return!
Thank you for all your contributions and comments.

D/s is built on trust/honesty obedience responsibility and control. Trust and honesty first last and always

 

[one_love]

I directed the wannabe Doms who kept pestering me, to this thread, and they seem to have disappeared, or at least stopped bothering me. No doubt they will return!
Thank you for all your contributions and comments.

I’m sure they felt threatened by you threatening to expose them.