Domme for a day

[Cirrus]

My Dom and I were talking yesterday, and since I might, and it's a BIG "might", have switch tendencies, it's his wish that I give it a shot...just for one scene, and if I don't enjoy it, he will never ask again.

I'm game...who knows, it might be fun even if it isn't really my cup of tea, but I have no idea where to begin. As a sub, I know why I enjoy submitting and what I get out of the experience. Still, I'm not quite sure how to provide him with that same feeling.

I have never, and I mean NEVER topped before. I don't think this will end up being even a "sometimes" element of our play but I want to try to enjoy it to the fullest and I want him as well, since he is doing this for me, after all.

So...I could use a few suggestions. I'm pretty sure I can handle the physical aspect, and do it safely. We've discussed that. The thing I want to know is about the mental. What can I do to help him get into the same headspace I'm in?

 

[SierraMoon]

My Dom has made it clear that he thinks i have switch tendencies, and he thoroughly encourages me to try them out... (he is a switch)... BUT... i will not be Domme with him.. he wants to keep our relationship as him=Dom; me=sub.... we will find someone else, to have me "practice" on....

 

[MsWorthy]

So...I could use a few suggestions. I'm pretty sure I can handle the physical aspect, and do it safely. We've discussed that. The thing I want to know is about the mental. What can I do to help him get into the same headspace I'm in?

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I think the only way to get into top space is to concentrate on what you want out of the scene. (I use the term top to signify sexual domination and distinguish it from day-to-day domming).

Before you begin, days before the actual scene if possible, discuss what each of you would like to get out of the "play" time. Find an idea(s) that interests you both and then find your headspace for that scene.

This way, you can get in and stay in that top headspace, knowing that what you are doing is bringing him pleasure as well.

Personally, I do not get pleasure from topping when I am doing what she likes, the way she likes it. That feels too much like a role I am playing, like I am a puppet on strings that she holds. I am much too dominant for that to feel comfortable to me. I certainly know and use her desires in our "scenes" but the power and intensity and the direction of the scene must come from me or I end up feeling like the submissive.

I know that for some, topping by someone else design is fine and works for them, and you may be able to do that with pleasure. It just isn't something I can do.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Cirrus

First think carefully about the mental ramifications for you. Is there even the most minute possibility that you could ever question His Domination if He submitted to you in any way?

If the answer is no....

I have Dominated as many Doms... almost as I have submissives...the only approach that would ever work for Me is to forget they ever considered they had a Dom bone (anywhere)

I have never Switched so My views will not be of the same type of value that a Switch will be able to help you with.

It must be made clear before you even begin that only the safe word stops the experience... you both need this so that He does not feel the obligation to make token protests and you do not feel the obligation to fit the style you will create to what He may desire.

Separate the emotional involvement as much as possible, detache. Take yourself to Top space by looking at him as a submissive male..for that is who He becomes the moment the scene begins.

 

[CarolineOh]

I assisted MzChrista in a scene with one of her male sub friends a couple of weeks ago.
While I enjoyed myself, and would happily do it again, I don't really feel like I was dominant in that situation, because she was very much in charge, and although I was holding the flogger, it was under her guidance and instruction.
This is a scenario that worked well for me, I had a lot of fun, but I don't feel like it was something I need to do again for any reason other than to have fun.

 

[MzChrista]

And you done good too girlygirl.
Oh and that av kicks ass.

 

[CarolineOh]

And you done good too girlygirl.
Oh and that av kicks ass.

Thank you on both counts. I love this picture, I wish it showed a little clearer. Here's the full size version.

 

[MzChrista]

Ha. Too cool. Hope she brought a slurpee for Domme too.

 

[indiandomme]

... can i ask??

hey caroline...
iwill really like to know the experience with MZchirsta and that male sub... i dont know why but ur posts interest me very muvh... dont take wrong... if you can tell more than it'll be pleasure for readors as well.

indian D

 

[CarolineOh]

Re: ... can i ask??

hey caroline...
iwill really like to know the experience with MZchirsta and that male sub... i dont know why but ur posts interest me very muvh... dont take wrong... if you can tell more than it'll be pleasure for readors as well.

indian D

Indian D, I'd be pleased to share. here is what I wrote about it at the time.

"Well, I hope Christa will report in and give me my grades, but I can say I had a good time.
We went out to dinner and then went to visit a male sub playmate of hers.
She had him get naked and serve us drinks while we sat on the couch and chatted and pretended to ignore him for a while. After a bit she had him give us both foot massages.
Then we tied him to a chair and she gave me a lesson in some CBT techniques, which were fun, but a little bit scary. I was constantly afraid that we would do some terrible damage to him, but she knew what she was doing, and everything was all right.
After that we tied him face down on his bed and flogged him. I like swinging a flogger, I liked the way I could make him respond to it. All in all though, I kept thinking I wished I could spent a little time on the other end of it.
When we finished flogging him, we all sat around and had a drink and relaxed a while. We were about to go home when Christa decided that he hadn't been respectful enough to me, and that I should spank him over my knee before we leave.
So I did, and I really enjoyed that. And he did too, a little too much, and he made a bit of a mess on my skirt, for which Christa then gave him several hard strokes with a big strap.
It was fun, and I am eager to play as a Domme again, but I recognize that that is exactly what it was- playing as a Domme. I can do it, and have great fun with it, but it does not fulfill me the way submission does. Still, fun is a good thing too."

 

[indiandomme]

was very nice..

really carol,
it was fun reading it... i hope others enjoyed as well. thnk you again for great post.

wish i could be there... ( as a domme of course.. but if i would have to be on other end.. i will , if Christa is there .. )

indian D

 

[WillowPuss]

Good luck cirrus I hope you will let us know what it was like once you have experienced it.


Robuck asked me a while back to describe what it felt like when he used the flogger on me. I found that as try as I might, I just couldn't fully describe the feeling, the emotions, to him. He wished aloud that one day I would flog Him.

I am not sure I could.

 

[Cirrus]

No, I won't question his domination after this scene, because when it comes right down to it, even in dominating him I will still be submitting because it's as His wish that I try it. Make sense?

It's going to be difficult to look at him as a sub though...hopefully when I get "in character LOL" it will be easier. We've planned the experience for this coming Saturday, and I'll let you all know how it goes. Thanks for the comments!!!