Domination?

[jjdd]

The man I've recently started dating told me he like to be "restrained" and for me to be in control. I've always considered myself more on the submissve side but want to give this a try... I'm not that expirienced with the kinkier side of things and want some tips on how to get started without moving too quickly
thanks!!

 

[Zoots_owner]

The hardest part is probably learning to tie someone up without cutting off circulation, which isn't very hard. You can get by with only a couple of knots, like the surgeon's knot, bowline or square knot, and learn to avoid ones that will tighten themselves when pulled, like granny knots, half hitches or clove hitches. Or you can try taking the easy way out, and using handcuffs, although good ones (which can be made to not tighten on their own) can be expensive. The plastic fuzzy ones they sell at adult type stores will work, but can't be taken very seriously, and you'll probably want something better... something that is a REAL restraint.

Once they're restrained, you just use them for your selfish pleasure, which is not difficult at all.

 

[CutieMouse]

If you're a researchy sort of person, The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners is a pretty low key introduction to Femdom. The BDSM Forum also tends to be full of helpful advice.

 

[SweetErika]

The hardest part is probably learning to tie someone up without cutting off circulation, which isn't very hard. You can get by with only a couple of knots, like the surgeon's knot, bowline or square knot, and learn to avoid ones that will tighten themselves when pulled, like granny knots, half hitches or clove hitches. Or you can try taking the easy way out, and using handcuffs, although good ones (which can be made to not tighten on their own) can be expensive. The plastic fuzzy ones they sell at adult type stores will work, but can't be taken very seriously, and you'll probably want something better... something that is a REAL restraint.

Once they're restrained, you just use them for your selfish pleasure, which is not difficult at all.

Yeah, don't waste your time or money on handcuffs. You're better off buying or making wrist and/or ankle cuffs, then attaching those together, to lengths of rope tied to the bed, etc.

We picked up some really nice leather cuffs at a kinky yard sale. I put carabiner-type clips ($1/each @ Home Depot) on the D-rings, and then I can clip the cuffs together for comfy handcuffs or to the lengths of rope (w/ loops at the ends) that we keep tied to our bed. If you don't have a bed that has good tie points like posters, you can use the legs of the frame or even thread a length of rope under the mattress (then just tuck the rope under when company comes).

I've found THIS SITE to be a huge help with basic rope tutorials. The cuffs on that page are easy to practice on yourself and make quickly, even for rope dummies like me.

Otherwise, go around your house and see what you can use to create different sensations. Kitchen tools, ice, soft/silken fabrics, hair brushes, scratchy/rough items, etc., are pretty easy to find and good for beginners and experts alike.

The most important thing I've learned is to focus on what I want, rather than what I think my partner wants or others do. Of course we need to respect our partners' limits and otherwise use common sense, but the whole point is to take charge, make decisions and get what we want. So, I'd suggest thinking about things that appeal to you, then doing and expanding on them. For instance, if you love oral, incorporate that into your play with some facesitting or making him perform it until you're fully satisfied or even just incorporating words and actions into it that let him know you're in charge.

Have you two filled out a BDSM checklist yet? If not, I'd suggest doing so to get ideas of your likes, dislikes and limits. I like this Excel checklist (direct, safe link to the excel file from Fetishbasics.com) because it's easy to fill out, share and modify over time, but there are many BDSM checklists out there if you google.

 

[sugarisnice]

Don't bother buying any restraints. You probably have an old pair of pantyhose you don't wear anymore. Use that to tie his wrists to your headboard. Maybe you have other hose or his ties to tie his ankles down. The restraints can be tied tight enough so he can't get out of them, just like with hand cuffs. But this way there's no expense.