Domination without Humiliation

[sweetnpetite]

I want to write a BDSM story that doest' involve humilliation, but I'm not exactly sure how!!!!! Any ideas??

Thanks.

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmm

You do make life awkward for yourself love don't you Make both parties consenting adults, both into it big time, share the pain and pleasure between them, take turns to bash each other about. Only way to avoid humilliation for either alone.

 

[RenzaJones]

The only thing I could suggest is clearly defining/developing the roles of the characters, submission does not necessarily have to be synonymous with degradation.

 

[gauchecritic]

As I understand it: the sub holds the power with trigger words etc yes? Use the sub's pov as the holder of power over her/his dom. How pathetic the dom is with a semblance?

I don't know. I never did that.

Gauche

 

[gauchecritic]

Still don't know.

Gauche

 

[Guest]

Re: Hmmmm

... take turns to bash each other about.

Pops, I so love your plain-speaking. Brilliant.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

Ooh, Gauche twins. Kind of appealing.

Perdita

 

[RenzaJones]

I want to write a BDSM story that doest' involve humiliation, but I'm not exactly sure how!!!!! Any ideas??

Thanks.

I can dig letting my lover tie me up and spank me. In fact in some cases I even encourage it. I don't need her to affirm that I'm a "fucking bitch" I know this. So all that I ask is that she spank me rough me up a bit then untie me so we can have dinner

I don't feel the least bit humiliated either.l

 

[wildsweetone]

Re: Hmmmm

You do make life awkward for yourself love don't you Make both parties consenting adults, both into it big time, share the pain and pleasure between them, take turns to bash each other about. Only way to avoid humilliation for either alone.

Brilliant. I nearly fell off my damn chair. Thanks pops you have an amazing way with words, dear.

sweetnpetite it might help if you wander on over to the BDSM forum and ask in there (with respect). They're a friendly bunch it seems and might well have some ideas for you.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Humiliation isn't neccessarily part of B&D or even S&M. To a true sub there is great joy in submitting. A good dom might not be into humiliation, but that wouldn't stop him/her from controling the scene, the pace of the action etc.

Being tied up and doing something you enjoy, extended teasing, tickling, etc. can be loads of fun with neither partner ever trying to demean the other. Submission to another's desire is the key for the sub, controlling another is the key for the Dom. Humiliation is one form of exerting control, but by no means the only one.

-Colly

 

[Quint]

I recommend reading this story by RisiaSkye for an exquisite example of loving, steamy (with moderate apologies for the pun) powerplay. I personally think it would be easier to write a humiliation-free D/s tale than one based upon it, or at least write a GOOD D/s tale. Humiliation is very mental; harder to accurately capture, I've found.

 

[Seattle Zack]

I don't know, it seems a bit like trying to write a gay male story without any penises in it ... it's possible, I suppose,, but pretty difficult to pull off.

Seems to me there's a degree of humiliation on any sexual power game, whether it's being tied up, spanked, tickled, or whatever. That's what makes it fun. It can certainly be playful, and it doesn't have to be demeaning.

You could try some silk-scarf and ice-cube lovey-dovey thing, like 9 1/2 Weeks, but I don't think it would fly very well in the BDSM category -- maybe Loving Couples. Throw in a sheep and you'd have Fetish, for sure.

 

[Quint]

I don't know, it seems a bit like trying to write a gay male story without any penises in it ... it's possible, I suppose,, but pretty difficult to pull off.

Seems to me there's a degree of humiliation on any sexual power game, whether it's being tied up, spanked, tickled, or whatever. That's what makes it fun. It can certainly be playful, and it doesn't have to be demeaning.

You could try some silk-scarf and ice-cube lovey-dovey thing, like 9 1/2 Weeks, but I don't think it would fly very well in the BDSM category -- maybe Loving Couples. Throw in a sheep and you'd have Fetish, for sure.

I disagree entirely. I would venture to say that most committed D/s couples play over half the time without humiliation of any sort being involved, based upon completely unstatistical observation.

Sadomasochism is not necessarily humiliating. Spanking never makes me embarrassed, nor would teasing or tickling. Ritual service is rarely humiliating; it's familiar and comforting to most. A long-term D/s couple is comparable to a married couple; comfortable with each other and their respective roles. Even punishment can be effectively done without involving shame of any sort.

Humiliation is fun and is often the purpose of my play, but in fact the best D/s stories I've read make brief mention of humiliation, if any. Like I said, it's too easy to fall into predictable formulas when basing a story upon it.

 

[Seattle Zack]

Hmm, that's not been my observation, but I hesitate to disagree unequivocably. Your experiences are undoubtedly different than mine. I do think that the nature of the D/s power play involves some implicit humiliation, though; how can it not?

On the other hand, very few of the of lifestylers I've known over the last twelve years have a dynamic comparable to that of a married couple. Perhaps the community up here is a little different.

As far as writing goes, I was merely thinking of the works that have evolved as the "standards" of S&M literature, such as Anne Rice's beauty books, Story of O, Venus in Furs, DeSade, on and on, which all have humiliation as a central theme. If you have other suggestions, especially of a historical or pedantic nature, I'm always looking to expand my reading list.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Copy of my post from in story ideas,

Re: Bdsm

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by sweetnpetite
I would like to write a story about (consentual) Bondage and Domination that does not contain the elements of Humilliation or Pain. Does anybody have any ideas to help me with this, or suggestions for stories that are posted that follow this pattern?

Thanks.
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Well to break down your request hello Merriam Webster,

Bondage 1: the tenure or service of a villein, serf or slave 2:a state of being bound usu. by compulsion (as of law or mastery):as a: captivity serfdom b: servitude or subjugation to a controling person or force. <young people in bondage to drugs>

Domination 1: supremacy or preeminence over another 2:excercise of mastery or ruleing power 3:excercise of preponderant, governing, or controling influence 4 plominion

and for fun,

dominatrix : a woman who physically and psychologically dominates and abuses her partner in sadomasochistic sex.

Dominate 1: rule, control 2:to exert the supreme determining or guiding influence on 3:to overlook from a superior elevation or comand because of superior hieght or position 4:to have a commanding or preeminent place or position in


I guess you could have bondage but that still presents it self as a lowering in ones dignity to the controling person.

Pain yes you can easily write without pain if the character is exceptionaly submissive in this category, but only physical pain not mental anguish. That is what domineering is Hun, I can't very well dominate you with out force.
With out force there is no dominance or bondage needed?

The characters can concent to being placed in this atmosphere. The envirement some how will portray one being humbled to the others force. How intense is the moment is up to you? It may be tame small dose of power.

Consider a different category would be all I could guide you and still thinking I am trying to help. I know you have other opinions but I am just trying to not lie to you. Yet, in a nice way say that is the topic, you are looking to not use.

Phildo

 

[Guest]

I want to write a BDSM story that doest' involve humilliation, but I'm not exactly sure how!!!!! Any ideas??

Thanks.

Humiliation is one form of BDSM play. It isn't necessary. AND it isn't always present.

My man and I do not engage in humilation at all. It isn't arousing to either one of us, we don't enjoy it, and therefore we don't use it.

I have several BDSM stories that are "humiliation free". At the risk of blatant self-promotion, here's a link to one:


Spare the Rod and Spoil the Sarah

I know many do enjoy humilation with their BDSM. But not all of us!

 

[Seattle Zack]

I don't know how you can say that, sarah. I love all your stories, read them more than once, but they all contain strong elements of humiliation:

Sarah whimpered through her gag, the muffled sounds growing louder and louder. She wriggled shamelessly over his lap. She was covered in perspiration and her hair was hanging in her face; her face was now almost as red as her ass cheeks.
......
She held her body still, ass up, trembling, breath coming in quick gasps. Michael knew the toy was uncomfortably huge; this was the perfect opportunity to remind her who was in charge.

“My little one, I wonder if the plug will be visible through your dress? I imagine you’re going to have difficulty sitting through dinner and dancing with me later.”

He grinned as she moaned. “I‘m going to enjoy this evening thoroughly.”
.......
He adjusted his clothing as he gazed on his Sarah kneeling on the floor in front of him. She was cum-covered, paddled and plugged, tears still welling...
.......
Sarah was a mess. The once proud beauty was disheveled beyond repair. Her makeup was smeared and teared, one shoe was missing, her dress was most likely ruined, and her face and hair and painfully red ass were covered in cum.
........

Great story. But humiliation free?

 

[Guest]

You must FINISH the story!

 

[Guest]

I suppose my point is that she is as aroused by the situation as is he?

And that love is a strong element?

At least, I hope so!

(And thank you for you complements, by the way!)

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Hmmmm

Brilliant. I nearly fell off my damn chair. Thanks pops you have an amazing way with words, dear.

sweetnpetite it might help if you wander on over to the BDSM forum and ask in there (with respect). They're a friendly bunch it seems and might well have some ideas for you.

Old country boy see

 

[Colleen Thomas]

My story one night at the Jefferson part three has a fairly involved D&S scene.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=40400

Not to pulg it or anything but the scene is between two people who both enjoy sex and love each other. There is no intent to humiliate either partner. The Top's intent is to bring pleasure and the bottom's intent is to please. I will add a cravat here, the scene is between two women so traditional gender roles don't really come into play.

-Colly

 

[DVS]

The submissive must consider it to be humiliation before it can be...humiliating.

 

[raphy]

I don't think you need humiliation to be dominant. But then maybe some doms wouldn't consider me dominant.

*shrugs*

Remember, domination merely means someone else submitting your will (consensually, of course) - That doesn't mean you need to humiliate them whilst they're doing it.

Raph, big fan of domination without humiliation.

 

[pop_54]

Quite so!!!!!!!

Quite so DVS, quite so, if the submissive considers he/she to be in command they will not feel humiliated, on the other hand a lot of submissives do it because they get their rock's on feeling humiliated as well as dominated.

Wifey and I don't get too involved in BDSM I'm not very good at knots, neither is she, but she does like a bit of punishment occasionally if she's been very naughty, eases her guilt, not to mentiond giving her an orgasm or two. Nice striping across the arse and upper legs with a whippy cane like, the only humiliation involved is when she tells me I'm useless at it and too gentle.

pops...........

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Quite so!!!!!!!

the only humiliation involved is when she tells me I'm useless at it and too gentle.

Dear Pop,
I guess there's just no pleasing some people. <sigh>
MG