Dominant/Submissive Dichotomy

[HeatherSoftly]

I am a 36 year old bisexual woman who is and has been intrigued by bdsm since my late teens, yet I have never explored the concept beyond my own fantasies.

Although I find it immensely appealing, I have to admit I am somewhat confused by many aspects of bdsm and I clearly need to educate myself about it (total neophyte). BUT...here's my dilemma: I have a tendency toward being both dominant and submissive. A strong tendency. Both appeal to me equally, and my preference hinges entirely upon my mood. Also, since I am bisexual, I have a tendency to desire both men and women..further adding to the confusion. I fantasize regularly about being dominated by both men and women, as well as dominating both....although when I fantasize about dominating a woman, it is always a younger woman. The inverse is true when I am fantasizing about being dominated by a woman.)

I truly feel that I am ready to explore these desires, but since I am very new to all of this, I have no idea where to begin. Also, I question whether or not I could truly be submissive to someone due to being divided equally between a dominant and a submissive tendency. Contrarily, when I am in my submisive mood, there is nothing I wouldn't do to please the person I am yielding to. ...BUT, how can I be so ready to submit and then a few days later find nothing more erotic than the thought of dominating someone? I know some of you will say that there must be a greater desire between the two....but there isn't. I can honestly go either way, and I always do in my fantasies.

I'm generally considered very attractive, and have no problem meeting people "irl", but I feel I need to explore this online first to try to gain some understanding, and maybe even some acceptance. I'm starting to feel a bit like a freak. Is this even normal?

 

[madetotakeit]

Well you have stumbled onto the right place. You are not a freak by any means. What you are describing is a switch. You will find lots of them here. I'm sure some will be along shortly and give you some great insight.

The biggest acceptance is in accepting and being comfortable with who you are. Don't worry about how you feel about towards one sex or the other or one age or the other. Just enjoy it. Welcome to the boards.

 

[Millificent]

Welcome to the boards

It's perfectly normal to have feelings of both dominance and submission. Many people do!

 

[Caitlynne]

Lucky for all of us, BDSM isn't a "one size fits all" kind of thing. You can actually "be" who you really are, and we'll be fascinated to learn who that is.

Welcome to our corner of the board.

 

[Lalah]

Yep. Nothing wrong with that, you're as "normal" as any of us.

I'm kind of a switch myself as socially I'm dominant, but sexually I'm submissive.

 

[FuckMeEyes]

Yeah, just be yourself. I have plenty of friends I don't mind hinting at the thought that I am not so normal in the bedroom, but I also don't get into the details of what I do. It lets them know I'm open to different things, without having to force the subject on them and perhaps negatively altering their perception of me. If hinting at being kinky is going to make them dislike me, I doubt I consider them friends in the first place.

I've had a couple of friends ask me what I've done with someone. I always let them in on it slowly. I know when I opened my mind up to the possibility, it was a gradual thing, taking in bits at a time.

With that said, I'm a firm believer in experience being the best teacher. Whatever you do decide to explore, remember that's what it is; exploring. The only commitment that will need to be made is the commitment to find out what you enjoy. The rest is a moment to stop and smell the roses or prick yourself on the thorns.

 

[YourCaptor]

BDSM is not a way or method, for the most part it is a collection of power exchange related sex. Pick and chose the things you like, you don’t have to want them all.

 

[HeatherSoftly]

Thanks to all for the kind words and comments. What little I have explored of bdsm, I hadn't encountered the "switch" aspect. I've always been very comfortable with my sexuality, but this was my first stumbling block. After reading all of the replies, I feel much more relaxed and am really ready to explore this. Sooo glad I posted! Again...thanks.

 

[ShyVixen]

I am a 36 year old bisexual woman who is and has been intrigued by bdsm since my late teens, yet I have never explored the concept beyond my own fantasies.

Although I find it immensely appealing, I have to admit I am somewhat confused by many aspects of bdsm and I clearly need to educate myself about it (total neophyte). BUT...here's my dilemma: I have a tendency toward being both dominant and submissive. A strong tendency. Both appeal to me equally, and my preference hinges entirely upon my mood. Also, since I am bisexual, I have a tendency to desire both men and women..further adding to the confusion. I fantasize regularly about being dominated by both men and women, as well as dominating both....although when I fantasize about dominating a woman, it is always a younger woman. The inverse is true when I am fantasizing about being dominated by a woman.)

I truly feel that I am ready to explore these desires, but since I am very new to all of this, I have no idea where to begin. Also, I question whether or not I could truly be submissive to someone due to being divided equally between a dominant and a submissive tendency. Contrarily, when I am in my submisive mood, there is nothing I wouldn't do to please the person I am yielding to. ...BUT, how can I be so ready to submit and then a few days later find nothing more erotic than the thought of dominating someone? I know some of you will say that there must be a greater desire between the two....but there isn't. I can honestly go either way, and I always do in my fantasies.

I'm generally considered very attractive, and have no problem meeting people "irl", but I feel I need to explore this online first to try to gain some understanding, and maybe even some acceptance. I'm starting to feel a bit like a freak. Is this even normal?

No need to feel like a freak. Welcome, Heather.

To be honest I've only recently discovered I have a...taste...for dominanting women. Up until a few weeks ago I always believed I was submissive. I am a submissive- to men. And I'm sure the feminists would have a field day with that. But the point was, welcome, explore and don't fret that what you feel is not normal.