Does religion play a role?

[Rapheal]

okay, i know this may sound like a dumb question but i am interested to see what ya'll think, considering ya'll are about the smartest people i have come across! does the religion of a person really matter if you have an romantic interest in them? For me i can say that is really doesn't matter (the moment i am going after a jewish girl and i am roman catholic) but i don't know if that's true for every one...

 

[Nexxus]

Oddly enough, my wife's two siblings were both Lutheren and converted to judism to marry their mates. The only trouble with religion and romance seems to be coming from families who butt in where they don't belong, and from all the hypocrites envolved in organized religion (ooops, did I let a pet peeve slip? Silly me.)
If you two care about each other, focus on each other. If the religion thing is important to either one of you then consider it seriously and try to meet in the middle somewhere and be honest. Don't let other peoples priorities spoil what could be a wonderful relationship.

Nex

 

[Weird Harold]

does the religion of a person really matter if you have an romantic interest in them?

It all depends on how religious the parties involved are and even then, it only matters in the long term. It probably doesn't make any difference at all if only lust is involved except for the guilt trip afterwards. If you're talking love, then religion can cause a whole host of problems.

One of the biggest problems mixed religion relationships can cause, is fights over what religion the children are or should be. It's not much of a problem if there isn't strong religious feelings on either side, but it's a major fight waiting for the bell if both should have strong beliefs.

Like so many other things discussed here, it's something that is unique to each couple. Religion means nothing to some people, and everything to others, with infinite shadings of commitment between the extremes. Communicating with your partner is the only way to determine how big of a problem it's going to be.

Note I said communicate, not talk or listen. Without sharing ideas and feelings to truly communicate, nothing gets resolved.

 

[Jade]

Great question!

That is an interesting question and my own answer is rather neutral (sort of a cop out I know but...).

Religion MATTERS mostly when it matters to THEM.
For example, if they are a born again christian (please please do not take offense anyone if you are a born again ... this is simply an example okay?) and want me to agree with everything they say then yes it could be a problem. And of course if they are really stubborn and we have children together and aren't willing to compromise on how to raise our children with a healthy mentality, then YES... un problemo horrible senior!!

However, on the other hand, if they are open minded and are willing to accept me for my beliefs (as I would be with them) then it is not a problem.
To be totally honest, if you agree on everything, then you can't debate... and debating and intelligent conversation from my experience have led to mmmm other stuff.
And finally, in the class I just finished taking we learned that more and more... couples are looking less at religion in finding their life partners.

And that was my 10 cents (well, it was more than 2 wasn't it?)

 

[enjuedevi88]

Uggh.

This is a good topic. My fiancee and I have been discussing it loosely.
I agree two of the biggest conflicts lie in the parental factor; about your parents and hers, and religion with your kids.
My fiancees' dad is a devout practicing Jehovahs Witness, which rulles his entire life every day. His mother, on the other hand, is an occult spiritualist. They've obviously agreed to disagree, but when it came to my fiancee they were both struggling for favor to their particular choice. The conflict still affects him, even regarding our upcoming wedding.
There is no easy way to deal with differing beliefs unless both parties are open and respectful of new, if opposing, opinions.
Just hope your families understand! If it doesn't bother the two of you, and you communicate well, then there should be no conflict.
Much love and luck to you, Rapheal.

 

[Endlessly]

Yes, but hypocritically.

I found God before I ever found my first boyfriend, and I've always known I shouldn't date unbelievers.. unfortunately, that is what I've dated exclusively; a string of wiccans and atheists and agnostics and such, though two of them-- my first serious boyfriend and my ex-fiance-- both converted, and remained christian long after we broke up.

I'm now at the point where I've decided for myself no more dating unbelievers (even though all Christian guys seem to find me less than appealing). Only problem is, the only two guys I'd reeeeeeeeeally like to lock in a closet and molest are both nonbelievers.

Doh.

 

[RonG]

Goals are those things that you would like to have - wealth, career, relationships, etc. Values are those things you believe in - honesty, religion, kindness, etc.

A good way to go through life is to not trade Values for Goals. So, my way of looking at the religion question is as long as you don't have to hide your religion or be dishonest as part of the relationship, no big deal. If you find a partner who wants you to ditch what you value for the sake of being with them, move on.

 

[Jade]

Well said RONG

 

[CreamyLady]

Well, I can't think the religious question plays an important part in my romantic life; I have mine, which is pretty much rejected by everyone else's.

Also, I'm a major commitment-phobe on many levels, the least of which is the wrangling over Sunday mornings.

I do notice a superficial fascination when men find out about my religion, until they get to know me and out that I will not do anything kinky or glamorous with it, but that is hardly a sharing of moral values.

Please -- if I ever seem to be madly in love, to the point of committing to someone who shares my values, my ideas, and still enjoys a good debate -- someone slap me, throw water on me, or take me for deprogramming.

Thank you.

 

[Rapheal]

wow, my first topic and people thought it was GOOD! amazing... there isn't going to be much to debate i think. Though i like Catholicism (i'm sorry it's a bad habit to break... my family was also jewish until me. then my dad converted cause my mom was catholic. i think it would be kinda interesting to see what practicing judism is like. maybe she would be able to help with that... yeah my mom and her family would go nuts i think. and the girl's parents and already demonstrated that they don't like their daughter having any kind of relations with a gentile. ah well. my crush/addiction is already to the point where just thinking about her makes me feel really good no matter what is going on. i've got it bad huh?

 

[Hullo_nurse]

Tough question!!

Ten years ago my answer would have been that it makes all the difference in the world. That you just can't marry someone outside your own faith. It creates too many problems and is just plain unGodly. Then again, I was in a cult and was not allowed to date anyone outside of the "Church," let alone even consider marrying them!!

Obviously, that is not the answer I will give today. I have become somewhat of a nonpracticing Christian. I got myself in the aforementioned wonderful mind-controlling cult when I was 20 and it really warped my thought on what I believed, was raised to believe and what I currently believe. It took me 4 years to get out of the cult, but the experience still effects me to this day. I honestly don't know what I believe anymore.

So, on that note, I think it is impoortant that if you do fall in love and have a serious relationship with someone who believes differently than you do that you talk about what is negotialbe to you & what isn't. This is especially important when it comes to planning a wedding and having children. You need to decide those things before the time happens, because it is too stressful to try to decide then in the heat of the moment. Like WH said, communication is the key. Be honest and foreward with your intended. Otherwise one of you willl wind up hurt and upset.